I want to start living @ 28

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by codified, Jun 14, 2018.

  1. codified

    codified Fapstronaut

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    Hello, fellow Faponauts!
    So thrilled to be here, and share my path with you! I'm 28 y.o. guy who had m.o problem for quite a lot. It started when I was 12-13 and back then I didn't understand what was going on. But I was attracted to one of my teachers... I finished HS and moved to another city. It was the biggest trap of my life, I failed at 2nd year of my uni and had to repeat that year over. But for me it wasn't enough so in my final year I paid a lot of money to some random guy who was going to write my bachelor thesis - it turned out to be plagiarised work. I lost everything, lost 4 years of my life, plenty of money, got addicted to parties, alcohol, marihuana and on top of everything I was m.o. addict. I decided to change my life and move on. So I opened up another chapter of my life in Australia. Now I'm adult who took a lot of responsibilities in his life. I got a great job which I like, renting out small apartment with my GF where we have our ups and downs and I'm on my to finish College and start new exciting career…
    Sounds like a total change of life? Not really! As I managed myself to stay out of drugs, parties, and alcohol I'm still trapped with m.o. or PMO and my imagination. You see I was a fetishist my sexual fantasies involved shrunken women - I know it's different from PMO but my P was my SW addiction. It involved watching pictures or movies which involved SW, reading erotica about it etc. Is it not really hard to find you know? There are youtube channels, devianart accounts, and online communities, SW novellas are available on Kindle. They focus only on one thing... Shrunken women.
    One day I was sitting in front of my computer and doing my usual business (watching some picture) and I asked myself out and loud "What the fuck am I doing with my life?!" I was fed up. I wanted to end this shit! That day was about 2 months ago I made a first small step and deleted all my accounts which involved life with my addiction. Ever since then I struggle with my imagination which plays with me all the time. But if there is a will there is away! Yesterday I've found this youtube video which said something about the nofap community, I checked it, and I'm in.
    My they say the first step in eliminating a problem is recognizing it. I recognized this problem some time ago, it takes a lot of my free time which I could be using on doing things I love. Additionally, my imagination is also a powerful engine which consumes a lot of time and effort. Most importantly I don't want to lose my GF which is the best person God has put next to me in this life.
    Here I am ready to change my life @ 28
     
  2. Hey man, great to see you here! I feel your story. Started at 12-13 myself, had some trouble finding my way, got into sex, drugs & rocknroll... Changed my life, got rid of all addictions. All, but one.

    Staying clean for the last 26 days is the grand finale of my fight for my mind. For making my own decisions. For control over my body. I am sure you'll feel it too. There's a beautiful journey ahead of you with your GF, new career and a new life. I'm glad you decided to wipe the stain of P from it.

    I keep my fingers crossed for you man, you're strong.
     
    Daristocratify likes this.
  3. Scott93

    Scott93 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing man. I can see it all. Glad you found us, we can do this together!
     
    Daristocratify likes this.
  4. codified

    codified Fapstronaut

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    Hello fellow Fapstronauts!
    I hope you're all doing well and stick to you personal challenges! It has been 3 almost 4 days here since I started and It feels great! I guess it must be all excitement or some new sort of emotions which are similar to this emotions which we feel when we buy something new, or make another contribution to something which is important to us. Similar in a way, to new year plans/resolutions when it feels great in the beginning and it's quite good for first 1,2 or 3 weeks and then most people fail. We'll see about that, hope it will turn out good for me. I has been 3 almost 4 crazy days! I had my accounting exams and I did everything I could just to study and resist temptations. I studied like a donkey, meaning I repeated definitions over and over again but it dosen't work out for me so well so I decided to practice writing them instead since it's a written exam and I tell you it did wonders to me. For the first time in my live I opened questions and I exactly knew how to answer them. It felt to great! or maybe it was luck I don't know but I know it paid off.
    Secondly to quit or resist my temptations, just like in some instructions i have found online (unfortunately I lost them). I went for a walk to the park. Which is it's just minutes away from my apartment. I just had this idea that, there is wonderfull world just outside your doors, waiting for you to explore. so why PMO when you can enjoy life outside your four walls? And I was thinking we can make a forum post where we share places where we live? Just to make people go away from computers and do something positive instead?
    Today the day is not going to be so bad. My SO it's having an exam and she forgot to take calculator with her. I guess I have to deliver one to her. I asked for God to help me win and there I go another chance to make things better!

    It's Better to look back on your live and say: "I can't believe I did that." Than to look back and say: "I wish I did that"
     
    Scott93 likes this.
  5. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    Reading post such as yours gives me a better sense of hope, knowing I am not the only one and knowing others have similar struggles.

    I hope I can say I have made it past a single day. I like your advice about getting out of the house. That is one my downfalls but I can’t stay away all day. Others suggest cold showers but I just don’t think that will take my mind off the urges.

    Keep strong and thanks for posting.
     
    codified and Scott93 like this.
  6. codified

    codified Fapstronaut

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    Hi Guys,
    It was really close, but day 5 is still counting on! I aim for week, but I want to do full 90. (I just like to tell myself to some things at small chunks - trick is working for me in whatever I do wether it's cleaning, grocery etc.) Sad and rainy day here, which I could go outside, studying for my final. Wish me luck
    Anyone have good instructions or advices how to kill your cravings?

    Have a nice day
     
    mcade likes this.
  7. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    Hey good for you getting to day 5. I am about 30 min away from 24 hours. I am in edge but am telling myself just a little bit more. I wish I had advice as I need some myself. I feel like I am telling myself I just have to one day then it’s ok. Maybe I am going about it wrong.

    I hope I can say I am 5 days soon. Keep strong.
     
  8. codified

    codified Fapstronaut

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    Good on ya! keep your head up!
    I mean I try best to resist the temptation, since I'll be here alone for like next few hours. I just studied like a donkey for my exam and my brain needs a break. My younger brother is an alcoholic, he had so many rehabs and relapses I can't count I mean he's my brother but he's so hopeless, after last relapse my dad threw him out from our family home. I think I can relate to him in a way, because I know how hard is it to quit. But there is a major difference between me and him I want to quit and I'm determined to do so... And he it's just him earn what ever he can and spend it on the booze. That's why I like to think about what can I do cure my addiction I like to think what can I do in month to become a better person, how can I use my time and utilities in becoming a better version of myself.
    I know it's been a 5 days, and for me it's not a lot but I can't imagine being myself at 30 or 35 and still doing PMO it's so pathetic.
     
  9. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    Hey I just made it for a day. I admit I am happy and frustrated. I feel like I am fighting two desires. I am so use to doing it every night.

    It is odd I am happy yet I feel sad. I feel like crying I don’t know if it cause I am happy to make it a day or because I feel pathetic at myself.

    I want to say I feel for you and your family in regards to your brother. I can’t imagine that struggle as he can’t hide his. I think I have hide this part of my life from everyone.
     
  10. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    I am just over a day and a half and i am finding myself wanting to give in and worry what it will be like tonight. I work up this morning and caught myself touching myself when i woke up with an erection. i immediately got up and got some coffee going and took a shower. But i find my mind has been wondering through the day and becoming aroused. I then tell myself to stop being a failure. I keep telling myself what if i cant commit to make 2 days what are my chances then. I don't want to just use PMO and MO as my escape in life to get that pleasure only by that means.
     
  11. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    I did not make it day 3 and I am embarssed, ashamed and it bothers me.

    I gave in to my urges and I thought I could just look a little. I had a stressful day was out of town and just wanted to feel good. I tried to tell myself just don’t MO. Another part was trying to say you can’t tempt myself but I have in. I did do it fo a culprit hours and did PMO.

    That was Wednesday night I then could not bring myself to come here and admit it until now. I know I have been told not to beat myself up should I relapse but I do. I want to stop this.

    The more I read about porn addiction how it impacts the brain over years and at younger ages has me worried. I think I have messed myself up. I think more about, what if I had never started. How much different would things be.

    I don’t have much of a sex life and started late which I know was probably cause of this. Don’t have a family and don’t know if I ever will. I put up a facade in away to seem normal yet my outlet for so long has been PMO. I know it is something I would fear ever been discover and have for years so I have known it was an issue. I mean if I feared people knowing then I must know it was wrong.

    I have managed to not give since Wednesday and want to make it through the weekend. I feel depressed and part of me just wants to do nothing but sleep all weekend. Does anyone get depressed due to this and from relapsing the fighting the urge to do it again.
     
  12. codified

    codified Fapstronaut

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    HI guys!

    I had crazy week! I have to start from the beginning which would many of you find logical. So I had my final exams, which went good and I hope for the best. I have a good friend at work who studies at different school and he also had his finals, he told me it's risky in his case but not for me! I managed to kill my cravings (r.e: MO, PMO) and actually study. So exams are now over! Additionally I didn't have much time to post something here, because I was busy at work. Somehow I made it through 10 days! That's just amazing ! I don't remember last time I didn't do any PMO or MO for 10 days and I know it's not long, but it feels like a long time to me from addict perspective.
     
  13. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    Maged to go the day with no PMO. I was tempted but told myself I am better than that. I don't want to feel bad after giving in which I will. I have to be strong .

    I do have lapses and find myself touching myself which I managed this morning to force myself to not give in. I don't know why I let myself even start. Morning and night in bed is the worse temptation.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2018
  14. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    Well close to 6 days though I feel I have say I did have an O with someone Saturday night. So I guess it is more close to 6 days without P or M.

    Was busy day with work so that was good but ended with a stressful 2 hour conference call. I so wanted to escape to the computer and just do the PMO. I did not give I but so wanted to.

    I feel down depressed. I am realizing I used PMO as a way to get the chemical high from it. Was my escape even though I later got that crash afterwards and then the guilt as I knew I have an issue.

    I see others here at so many successful days and think I won’t make it. I find myself trying to justify giving in, it is like this battle within.
     
  15. codified

    codified Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys!
    I can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks. I think I have found a trigger, I mean I knew about it but now it seems like a plain confirmation to me. I can't mindlessly browse internet, because it pools the triggers. So I go to this or that Instagram model site and watch it.... I touched myself once or twice but never got enough and stoped when I realised what was I doing.. I cannot even count it as edging because it was a single touch...... I'm glad I resisted at the right moment.
    Another thing is I have finished my finals and my SO had already graduated and we have some hard decisions to make about our lives....To mcade I hope you're doing well Congrats on 6 days! Really proud!
     
  16. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    Well day 10 and last night was not easy. I found myself triggered by scenes in a tv show and so felt like getting online. It was the worst an urge had been. I am as struggling since I woke still wanting. I had a sexual dream last night but woke so no wet dream which I have not had but two in my entire life. That I realize tells me how much I had PMO or MO all these years. I am ashamed to even really admit how bad it was. I worry still I won’t overcome this. I hope if I can continue to make it the desire for the thrill and pleasure goes a way.
     
  17. codified

    codified Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys!
    Amaizing 17 days behind me! it's gonna be 3 weeks soon I feel amaizing!
    It's not easy I have many urges and many triggers. What I use its rubber band on my left risk whenever I feel like thinking about SW i pull the band and it feels like electric shock. Highly recommended!
     
  18. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    I have thought of that but worry people I know will ask me why I have it. I feel I need somthing to cause me that pain as a way to snap me out of my urge.

    Keep up the progress I hope to make it getting off porn then work on MO.
     
  19. codified

    codified Fapstronaut

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    Hi Mcade
    I hope youre well and doing just fine!
    Remember that there is no right or wrong way on quitting your bad habit. You’ve just made first bloody step and recognised it which is a lot. It’s okay to fail, but remember you have a goal to achieve.
    Maybe try to find a hobby something to keep you away from computer? If you work in office just think about it, you’re spending majority of time during the day in front of computer. Now why on earth you’re spending time stuck between your 4 walls and staring at the same screen but with more privacy? Go out make some friends? Look I try to stay outside and yesterday I went to park I’ve seen a whale from a distance.
    There is amazing world outside waiting to be conquered
     
  20. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    I am working on dong more outside activity as I know I have to get out. I am working on day 3 of no PMO even though right now my main goal is no porn. I want to cut back on the other but I feel it’s to much for me to do at once.

    Urges have not been to bad lately but they are there. I feel I might either masturbate if have sex during the holiday but I want to try and not to. I don’t want to go out and just hook up with a friend like I have in the past. I am starting to feel it’s not right for me. This is where I now think it is better to deal with the need solo versus having sex to just get off.

    That’s me, might not be what others think is right.
     

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