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I want to have a better sex life with my Girlfriend

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by GodBless96, Jul 6, 2017.

  1. GodBless96

    GodBless96 Fapstronaut

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    I am 21 years old and I currently live in the midwest region of the US. I go to school, I work, I party and I have a pretty good life for the most part! On top of that I have a gorgeous girlfriend that would do anything for me. I love this woman with everything that I am and she is a huge reason as to why I am here. I want to change the way I think about sex. I have conditioned myself to crave sex with my girlfriend whenever we are alone. She has not been conditioned the same way. Because of this, I find myself constantly trying to initiate sex with her. I get rejected a lot and I should. When we first started dating, our sex was so passionate and it actually happened quite frequently. I believe this is because I wasn't acting as if I was entitled to sex. Though my methods of initiating sex with her have not changed (kissing, caressing, flirting), my motives have. I have become addicted to having sex with her. I constantly think about it. I have found myself masturbating in places that I shouldn't be. I believe she has noticed my addiction to sex and has not explicitly said it to me. I feel that this is the reason our sex life is failing right now.

    I am looking forward to rebooting my sexuality and being a more genuine man to my girlfriend. I hope I can find others out there with a similar situation to mine that I can help.
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO and Flyhigh like this.
  2. looking4cure

    looking4cure Fapstronaut

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    Great story thanks for sharing.. So is your goal to abstain from sex as well?
     
  3. GodBless96

    GodBless96 Fapstronaut

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    I love sex. I have done a little bit of research on on Karezza style sex. I will have to get my partner on board through. I do not know how that will go. Hopefully she supports it.
     
  4. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    The next time you have sex, focus on meeting her needs and maximising her pleasure. Don't request anything specific for herto do to you, or pressure her to act in a specific way, but instead read the signals of her body and sounds. Ask her what feels good. Be sure not to make her feel like she should be enjoying it more, but do everything you can to make sure it is as good as possible for her. Keep up the touching, kissing, eye contact eyc throughout. Try to keep things sensual and intimate rather than ploughing away like the dudes in P. If she feels like the centre of your world during sex, rather than a tool for your own gratification, then she may be more responsive to you initiating sex in future. Also, she may initiate it herself more often. Remember-sex is not always about you having each and every personal preference fulfilled, it is about expressing your desire (and love?) for one another and to bring each other pleasure.

    Tldr-focus on her needs, not yours, during sex. She probably will want more that way.
     
    TooMuchTooSoon likes this.
  5. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Sex is about the needs and desires of 2 people not 1.
     
    TooMuchTooSoon likes this.
  6. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely, but when PMO has become a problem, or possibly an addiction, one's own needs are often the only thing considered, or are at least heavily prioritised. Sex between two ppl looking to meet each other's needs will be better than between two people looking to meet their own. If a partner is less keen for sex, they may feel they are getting less out of it. Improving the sex for them will improve it for you too, even if only by increasing its frequency.
     
    TooMuchTooSoon likes this.
  7. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    Also, the above approach is not necessarily the approach to be taken towards sex all of the time, but when someone is worried that they may be using someone for sex (as OP implies) and is being rejected when initiating sex, it is likely that they are being a little too selfish, a little too often. Turning the tables and giving, rather than seeking to take, pleasure will help rekindle a stale and less exciting routine. It will certainly be more effective than pressuring your gf, making her feel inadequate and pressuring her into escalating into more extreme or degrading acts to see if it works. This will puah her away and lead to increased rejection and more distance between you.
     
  8. GodBless96

    GodBless96 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the information. I am seeing her this weekend. I will do my best to have a better mindset and focus on her more than myself. I really appreciate this help and support. I will give you all an update after next weekend on how it went. If we don't sex I wouldn't be surprised. I won't let myself initiate any sexual contact.
     
    looking4cure and samnf1990 like this.
  9. I´ve had the same problem. The more sex I wanted the less she wanted. When she was horny, I was not. It was the story of our relationship.
    But it really got better since we only see each other on weekends. During the week we both work up an appetite for each other. And the more horny I am, the more turned on she gets by me.
    And trust me sex is so much better when you are both really turned on, then when she only has sex with you to please you.
    My advice would be to abstain a few days from initiating sex with her. And then when you can´t hold it anymore, you give her all of your passion at once.

    Just like any food tastes better when you are hungry.
     

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