I want to ask out this girl

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by sten14, Feb 9, 2019.

  1. sten14

    sten14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi all,

    I mentioned this in a different thread I have going, but it feels better placed seeking advice here.

    Okay, right now I have two girls places I could go to for casual sex tonight. I haven't watched porn or jerked off in 8-9 days now, so it would be good to have sex. But at the same time casual sex I feel afterwards I will be driving home feeling like crap.

    Also, there is a cute girl at the cafe I frequent (yes, I know), and she seems very smiley with me, has at times gone out of her way to come up to my table to talk to me, asks me how my study is going and stuff. Sure, it might be general chit-chat, but it kinda seems like maybe a bit more. I worked up the courage to ask her name and said I was hesitant to ask and she said "it's okay if you ask" I kind of took that as being, well, it is okay that it is me asking, but she may not be as receptive if someone else asked the same thing.

    The point of this thread: The thought of going to have casual sex on one hand would be fun, but even though I am not dating, or even 100% know if the cute cafe girl is interested, she is on my mind and I feel like an asshole for even having casual sex when I am interested in getting to know her more.

    Might sound super lame, and perhaps it is. Either way, I needed to get this off my chest and any advice would be great.
     
  2. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    Wouldn't it be much more fun to get to know her more, and see what happens?
     
  3. sten14

    sten14 Fapstronaut

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    How do you mean?

    I know some about her, what her aspirations are study wise and wants to do, where he family are from nationality wise, where she spent Christmas and hell, that she even likes pineapple on pizza ha. These are things we have spoken about just in the 15 seconds we have when I am ordering etc. So I kinda feel like I have been getting to know her.
     
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  4. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    Well, basically what you just said there.
    If you already feel like you know here, then why the thread?
    Just do what you want to do.
     
  5. sten14

    sten14 Fapstronaut

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    I kinda didn't understand what you meant with your first reply, mate. Apologies. I re-read it and I now get that you're saying "Why not get to know her then if that is what you want, instead of having casual sex". Well, I think that was your point and how I have taken it now.

    And yes, you are right, why the thread. It was a way to get my thoughts out there. And if anyone had any advice or just thoughts I wanted to hear them. So um yeah?
     
    Gmork likes this.
  6. sten14

    sten14 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, mate. I fully get what you mean now. Didn't mean to seem like an ass or anything. Appreciate your comments.

    As said, thread was just to get my thoughts out there and if anyone had any advice on how I can approach this. I know what time she finishes on a day coming up as she told me. So I am thinking of going in and simply getting coffee and then giving her my number and saying message me if you like. That way there is no pressure on her to be stuck at work while I still there as she will be ending her shift. But yeah. My mind if pretty scattered and i am panicking on how to do it, or if I will chicken out completely...
     
  7. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Hey, don't ever feel bad for writing your thoughts. That's what this site is for :)

    Advice from a female:
    Remember that coffee girl has insecurities, too. She'll be grateful you took the first step. If the only time you can ask her out is while she's at work, your # on paper would have to do bc you definitely don't want to put her on the spot at her job. Try & incorporate a bit of humor in the note; chicks dig humor. Basically, don't just hand her a piece of paper w/ a number unless you want it in the trash. Bonus points if you find something to do that you know she'd like & you write that w/ your #.

    Tell yourself that even if it doesn't go as planned, you still overcame some insecurities of your own by trying. You'll be proud of yourself.

    Also, trust the universe. If it's meant to be, it will be

    Do you & casual sex girl a favor & just dip out of that arrangement ;)

    Good luck!!! I will pray it works out for you!
     
  8. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    YEAH! Fk casual sex if you have someone you are actually interested in. I just prayed for you as well. All the best.
    Listen to Mantak Chia before you go.

     
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  9. Why couldn't you do an "all of the above" strategy, and do what you want with all of them? I'm not saying you should or shouldn't do that. I'm just asking why couldn't you. Because it seems like you do kind of want all of the above but are being indecisive about it (again I'm not judging one way or the other)
     
    Ra's Al Ghul likes this.
  10. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    From what I'm getting at you're unconsciously telling yourself that you want "companionship" from an actual relationship. That which is not being provided from your friends w/ benefits. Yet you still go and choose to fuck one of two girls while thinking about cafe girl... you jest?

    Sure go ahead and do things as planned tonight. Just get it out of your system then make an attempt to get to know cafe girl more at some point.

    Dont assume she's single and is interested in you. She might just want to get away from her job for an few minutes. Since she see's you frequently it would be easier for her to approach you vs. Some stranger. I know this because I visit an coffee shop every other day, and the female staff members would act overly friendly with me from time to time. Yet I know they arent single because I would listen to their gossip behind the counter ha.

    That said just do your normal thing at the cafe. If she's working shift, and you get the chance greet her using her name. Have some small talk and if you find out she doesn't have an bf. Then at some point tell her:

    "Hey, I know you're at work, but it would be great to talk to you more when you're off. Would you like to meet up for ... coffee this weekend?" (Yes joke was intended ha... )
     
  11. sten14

    sten14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Cake,

    Thanks for the advice. That is the kind of way I was thinking of taking it, I definitely don't want her to feel uncomfortable at work. When I finally worked up the courage to ask her name I even pointed out to her then that I hesitated to ask as I didn't want to seem like the weird customer guy. She laughed and said it was okay I asked. As for giving her my number, well, I know the time she finishes work on this day as she told me, so I was going to go in for coffee and have my number written down and simply say to her something like "I wasn't sure if I should or not, but was thinking it would be nice to talk with you longer than the 15 seconds we get here and there. Here is my number if you want to message me sometime and yeah, we can hangout. If not, no hard feelings at all. I just thought I would take a chance"

    How would something like that sound?

    Thanks, that is really nice of you to say. I will give the video a watch.

    The thing is I am sick and tired of the casual sex thing, I know I am. It is just not fulfilling. Yes, I am being somewhat indecisive, but I know what I need to do.

    I definitely want companionship. I want a real relationship truth be told. Friends w/benefits I have realised is just pointless and not fulfilling emotional wise. I am not assuming she likes me, just small little gestures here and there that make me think she might be. Like I have caught her looking at me a few times here and there, or when she is walking away she turns around a second time just to smile. It is adorable as all hell. I am not sure if she is single, I have asked her a few times what she has planned for the rest of the day and it has always just been "nothing, going home to watch a movie" or something similar. Sure that could be with a bf or whatever, but her mannerisms kind of say different.

    Honestly I am trying not to overthink it. This is the clearest of mind I have felt in a long time, and honestly I didn't even think I would have the courage to ask her name, but after I did and that she seemed receptive and fine that it was me asking kind of made me feel even more confident.

    I like your way of approaching it to at the end. I might borrow some of those words.
     
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  12. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I think it sounds great :)
    Best wishes!
     
  13. Just do it man. We are praying for you
     
  14. sten14

    sten14 Fapstronaut

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    Hey mate,

    Yeah, I did ask her out for coffee and she said she would like to, but when I followed up and asked for her number she was hesitant and said "next time" as in next time I was at the cafe. I was there yesterday and her an I spoke as usual about this and that, she seemed happy to see me etc brought my coffee out once and said "I would stay and talk if I could" but had to get back as it was busy. I never brought up her number, and she never did either. So yeah. Said yes to coffee, but no number... soooo
     
  15. sten14

    sten14 Fapstronaut

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    I might give that a go another time, once I work up the confidence again.
     
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  16. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    What's the worst that could happen?

    The worst would be you having to find a new place for coffee, right? & even if you have to do that it's because it was meant to be that way. If current coffee shop girl says no I bet it's because there's another, better girl for you at the new coffee shop.

    If you look at it on a larger scale, you're essentially just asking a coffee shop for its number. Easy peasy, bro. ;)
     
  17. sten14

    sten14 Fapstronaut

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    I know that the worst thing that could happen is that it is just a no. Really nothing to lose in a sense. But I just don't want her to feel uncomfortable or anything, or like I am pressuring. That is my biggest concern. I am admittedly confused when it comes to the whole matter though. As in I did ask her if she wanted to get coffee sometime and she said "I would like that". But then there was hesitance when I asked for her number and she said "next time". Though next time I was in we spoke as usual, which was nice. But no mention of a number. I dunno. My brain is so confused on it all.

    Looking for another coffee shop would suck though ha. It is my usual hangout for myself and for me an my Dad.

    If I am to be brutally honest, I am just tired of being alone and also putting myself out there on the times I have finally done it, and I end up still in square one...
     
  18. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Ah; that's pretty cool you & your dad have a designated hangout....cherish those hangouts.

    Read this 7 laws of attraction

    Every time I'm lonely I go back to this. It's all about your mindset. These laws changed my life.

    Anywho, good luck. Hope you & your dad get to hang at the coffee shop forever & she gives her digits :)
     
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  19. sten14

    sten14 Fapstronaut

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    I most definitely do cherish it. I love hanging out with my Dad. What is even better is for a few years we got to live together again too. We hangout at least 1-3 times a week, go get coffee, something to eat and just talk about whatever, or go to the cinema, or wherever we need to go for the day. It is great and a highlight of my week. He is a great man.

    I will take a read on that link, thanks.

    Yeah, I hope she gives me her number too. But I am really not holding my breath. I might ask her again, but I feel like that could be pressuring like an asshole.
     
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  20. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    The more you want her, the less likely you are probably going to get her. Don't make her more then she is right now.

    And the longer you wait, the more awkward it will become. I made this mistake when i was younger. You have to show interest and yes, sometimes take in consideration that she might feel uncomfortable. That is the price of asking out someone you meet at their workplace.

    I would go up to her, ask her if i can speak to her in private super shortly, see if she lets me, and then tell her that i really like her and i would like to meet her/go on a date with her. And you will see on her reaction whether she is interested or not.
    Ideally, you are easy going and tell her that, because she is a wamen, you really dont understand why she isn't working in the kitchen, where she belongs. And then push her playfully towards the kitchen, away from you.
    But that is something i only say or do on the spot when i know have someone in front of me who isn't a crazy feminist.

    If you find something fun before you ask her, you drastically improve your chances of her giving you her number.
    Honest compliments also work well. Tell her why you like her exactly and make it specific.
    "I don't know what it is, but i just love the way you move. Full of confidence, but still very feminine. You also have beautiful legs :emoji_grin:"

    Find the equivalent to that for what you think about her and why you want to ask her out. The more pretty she is, the less i personally would talk about her looks, because she is probably aware of them and hears that shit all the time.


    But please don't waste any more time.
    You really need to ask now.




    The last tip i can give you is not to make it a big deal if she says no. Don't worry about it. You went to ask out a girl that you (seem to) truly care for.
    And that is the most important thing. I don't know if you can, but the more indifferent you are about the outcome wether she says yes or no, the better the interaction usually will be.
    And i know that it is fucking difficult trying to be indifferent if you aren't.
     
    sten14 likes this.

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