I want porn out of my life.

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by deepspaceexplorer, May 19, 2018.

  1. Hi. So, here I am. I just realised that I've been fapping for more than a half of my life. I visited NoFap every several months. Glance over it, sigh, and go back to my addiction.

    This time I decide to commit. I feel trapped by the addiction and I need to escape. Being objective about my current life status, I know I wouldn't have problems finding a mate. However, because of PE I got from masturbating, I'm so anxious about my performance that I run away from any sexual situation. Or actually - before it can even happen. There is also very little motivation to go out and meet someone, when you have porn-induced orgasms ready to have, without any risk.

    I'm fed up with that situation. I want a relationship, kids, family. I want my sex life to include a touch of another human being. And looking into the future - fapping may make it impossible to achieve. I feel like starting fapping at 12 was the root of the most of my compulsive behaviors. I successfully quitted smoking, alcohol, drugs, coffee... and now I feel like it's time for the ultimate challange - porn.

    So, I commit to the hard mode. I will make all efforts to restrain from any sexual activity for at least 90 days. I know I'll need help. I tried it on my own so many times and failed. Please, if any one of you would like to help me getting through it I will appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. Thanks.
     
  2. Day 1. So far, so good, the worst is yet to come. I definitely underestimated one factor. I have a flatmate, a good friend of mine, who happens to be a beautiful woman. I recently realised a desire towards her growing in me as a result of my longtime solitude and a need for a connection. That wouldn't be a problem, rather an opportunity, but I know (we both know) we wouldn't be a good fit for each other.

    It doesn't however change the fact that when I see her in a towel after a shower, my libido fucking explodes. And it doesn't help the hard mode. Fortunatelly, she's gone for 10 days. But it was my turn to do laundry today. She is a lingerie freak. You do the math.

    Luckily, I move out to my own apartment in a few weeks. I hope it helps.

    Anyway, fapping was a major part of my go to sleep routine. Today I'm leaving my laptop and phone on a table. Keep your fingers crossed. Thanks.
     
  3. Day 2. It still feels like the calm before the storm. Making a public, very strong commitment definitely helped and so far I had very little trouble with urges. On one hand it increases my confidence in sticking to the 90 day plan, on the other - I'm anxious about the upcoming trouble. Keep your fingers crossed. Thanks.
     
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  4. Day 3. Still very little urges, but I catch myself fantasizing about sex. I had a jog with my best friend today and told him about the process, which made it less anonymous. I'm gonna ask him to be my accountability partner, hope he agrees. Is there a link I can sending on how to be an accountability partner?

    I don't remember the last time I didn't masturbate for 3 days. New personal best.
     
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  5. TheGoldenEra

    TheGoldenEra Fapstronaut

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  6. Hetr

    Hetr Fapstronaut

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    Hi, came here to get some motivation back. Decided to reply here because I can relate with what you're saying. Like you, I avoided sexual situations, and I still do. Hope you will succeed in your challenge and congratulations on your new personal best.
     
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  7. Hi guys! Thank you for visiting and your words of motivation! I know that doing the challenge won't help me with the fear of sexual situation. It'll probably make it worse. But I know that if I overcome this last, root-cause addiction, everything will be less scary than it is today.

    Day 4. I'm amazed with how different it is to quit with NoFap, compared to the time I did it alone. After 4 days I am absolutely certain, that the commitment is finally strong. Keeping the journal updated daily helps me remember what is important for me, how I really want porn out of my life.

    I don't know if it's because of eliminating PMO from my night routine, or is it something else, but I have big trouble falling asleep. It was the 4th night in a row, when I rolled from one side to the other for 4h before finally shutting down. And the bed is unfortunately a great place for fantasizing. I constantly fight images of my ex-girls, my roommate, porn stars, and some imaginary girls... But so far I had no trouble restraining from even touching myself. Something I was never able to do before.

    Every day is a new personal best. It feels really good. Keep your fingers crossed. Thanks.
     
  8. TheGoldenEra

    TheGoldenEra Fapstronaut

    Keep up the great work buddy! I'll see you at the top (lets say 14 days for now) I'm only 3 days ahead so let work on this together :D
     
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  9. Day 5. I finally had a good sleep today, looking forward to it today too. The lack of urges is still both worrying and relieving. I was ready for a struggle, for a constant fight with myself and my mind, but... nothing like this happens. It's like my body understood all of my intentions and decided to cooperate.

    It may be a result of the rebooting process, it may not, the fact is I got back to jogging. Had a good 5km (3.10m ;)) jog on Monday, 10km yesterday, 5km today... I think I have more energy, but it's hard to measure. Anyway, I'm just happy about the outcomes.

    And like yesterday - new personal best. Thank you for the support. Keep your fingers crossed.
     
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  10. PMO addict

    PMO addict Fapstronaut

    Hi @deepspaceexplorer ! good journal. I relate alot to the sleep thing. I got insomnia alot so far this streak, even last night, in the middle of the night. Eventually fell asleep though. I guess just hang in there and stay clean no matter what. Sometimes thats when fantasizing about a woman will begin and then it usually keeps me awake if I do that. But its not so easy to stop. Eventually sleep does come and eventually, as someone told me, you'll get the sleep you need. Times of insomnia can be some of the most frustrating but relapsing won't help in the long-term. Today someone told me when I get insomnia or RLS, just inquire into the feeling and try to just accept the restlessness for the time being.
     
  11. Yeah, it’s the toughest time. Yesterday I had my first erection since I decided to try the hard mode and it instantly got more difficult to cope. But I stay clean, which is a huge motivation boost. Thank you for your support!
     
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  12. Day 6. Staying clean. The good news is that I was told my roommate has a boyfriend now. WHICH IS FANTASTIC. It automatically relieved a lot of tension I had in me. You know, on one hand I don't want to be with her, I thought it through, and I was ALMOST SURE she doesn't want it either. So we maintained a happy-flirty relationship, but there was always this ALMOST SURE margin that drove me crazy. Now I am sure and suddenly the thoughts are gone. However, she comes back on Monday and we'll see what happened and what happens.

    Today I talked to another friend of mine about the reboot process. I feel like I accepted the fact I'm gonna live without porn & masturbation from now on. New day, new personal best. I couldn't be happier. Thanks for stopping by. Keep your fingers crossed.
     
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  13. PMO addict

    PMO addict Fapstronaut

    Great job deepspaceexplorer.
     
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  14. Day 7. Wow. It's a week. The moment I posted my first message I didn't believe I'm going to last 7 days. And suddenly - bang! I can start counting my time without PMO in weeks!

    My body and mind still cooperate. I can feel some tension in my groin and I certainly can't help looking at almost every woman I pass on a street, but there are no urge floods, no sudden erections and distractions. I can focus on my work.

    I finally get a taste of what freedom is. And I have an appetite for more.

    Thanks. Keep your fingers crossed.
     
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  15. TheGoldenEra

    TheGoldenEra Fapstronaut

    Well done buddy you're doing great! Keep up the hard work!!!
     
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  16. Huga

    Huga Fapstronaut

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    time flies, soon it would be the 90th post of yours and we will celebrate it, keep it up;)
     
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  17. @TheGoldenEra - thanks man! I guess I can't be too much behind you, huh? ;)

    @Huga - Thanks man! I guess we'll celebrate together. :)

    Day 8. I'm still fine. Honestly, I feel like I've never had the problem in the first place. I stay vigilant, but it's much easier than I thought. The storm is not coming. I'm so thankful to the NoFap community that it's beyond articulation. Thank you guys. Keep your fingers crossed.
     
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  18. Day 9. Everything's going well. Actually, I've noticed that I start to feel more and more attracted to REAL woman. Which is something that obviously was a part of my life, but vanished at some point without me even noticing... Now it's back!

    Thanks for your words of encouragement. Keep your fingers crossed.
     
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  19. PMO addict

    PMO addict Fapstronaut

    (would press like button but already used 50 today which is the limit)
     

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