From May 1st 2016 to 8th April 2017 I didn't watch porn or masturbate. Nearly a year. During that time I thought I could teach anyone the dangers of PMO addiction and help them overcome it. From 8th April 2017, I have been struggling with PMO addiction ever since once again. It took months leading to the 8th April 2017 to reform the addictive thoughts in my mind that finally lead me to succumb. I have been succumbing to PMO addiction ever since. At the time I thought that if I masturbated, just maybe, that it would help me get over my horrible ex who broke up with me November 2016. I thought it could help me get over the twisted emotional manipulation that I endured in that relationship. Whether it did work or not I can't be entirely sure; I am in a much better state now and emotionally my ex, the idea of my ex, doesn't trouble me any longer. It has been a long time since. Today I masturbated and not to porn. However, it was equally as damaging - the details would be untasteful. The last time was a week ago prior. Not too bad but far from good. During that week I had a "kind-of" NoFap attitude, yet very energised. Now I feel drained. Demotivated. Unclean. Unmannly. Useless. Why do I seek a few seconds of lonely euphoria? I always feel afterwards like a remenant of something that could be so much greater. And it is all self induced. Last week was so positive, creative and disciplined. Now I feel anything but. But I do feel one thing; it is more intense than all the rest of what I am feeling - be that positive or negative... I want to change. I want to put PMO behind me. I want it to never be a solution to whatever thoughts my mind counjours up to convince me that 5 seconds of lonely ectasy is the solution for. Because it never is and it never will be. I haven't been on these forums for a while but I reach out to you again. I wish you all luck and strength on your journies.