I used to be a success story.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Pesto, Sep 6, 2018.

  1. Pesto

    Pesto Fapstronaut

    From May 1st 2016 to 8th April 2017 I didn't watch porn or masturbate. Nearly a year. During that time I thought I could teach anyone the dangers of PMO addiction and help them overcome it.

    From 8th April 2017, I have been struggling with PMO addiction ever since once again. It took months leading to the 8th April 2017 to reform the addictive thoughts in my mind that finally lead me to succumb. I have been succumbing to PMO addiction ever since.

    At the time I thought that if I masturbated, just maybe, that it would help me get over my horrible ex who broke up with me November 2016. I thought it could help me get over the twisted emotional manipulation that I endured in that relationship. Whether it did work or not I can't be entirely sure; I am in a much better state now and emotionally my ex, the idea of my ex, doesn't trouble me any longer.

    It has been a long time since.

    Today I masturbated and not to porn. However, it was equally as damaging - the details would be untasteful. The last time was a week ago prior. Not too bad but far from good. During that week I had a "kind-of" NoFap attitude, yet very energised. Now I feel drained. Demotivated. Unclean. Unmannly. Useless.

    Why do I seek a few seconds of lonely euphoria? I always feel afterwards like a remenant of something that could be so much greater. And it is all self induced. Last week was so positive, creative and disciplined. Now I feel anything but. But I do feel one thing; it is more intense than all the rest of what I am feeling - be that positive or negative...

    I want to change.

    I want to put PMO behind me. I want it to never be a solution to whatever thoughts my mind counjours up to convince me that 5 seconds of lonely ectasy is the solution for. Because it never is and it never will be.

    I haven't been on these forums for a while but I reach out to you again. I wish you all luck and strength on your journies.
  2. Freddiefox

    Freddiefox Fapstronaut

    You're back here, that is good. You know what to do. You have done it before.
    Keep your reason clear in your mind.
    Pesto likes this.
  3. Uncomfortably Numb

    Uncomfortably Numb Fapstronaut

    I concur… you are in the right place with the right attitude. Plus you have a proven track record!
    Pesto likes this.
  4. Your attitude is inspiring, keep up the good work. I agree with you that there is no purpose in PMO. No matter what life throws at you, it will always be better without it. I am in a simliar place as you, I dont have as much prior success but I am working to live the rest of my lifes journey without this affliction. Luck and strength to you as well.
    Pesto likes this.
  5. BackwardsMonkey_77

    BackwardsMonkey_77 Fapstronaut

    It takes a lot of strength to come back and seek help. You are doing really well
    Pesto likes this.
  6. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

    You can do this. Same method as before. Safeguards to limit/eliminate it from your environment. And contemplation about what leads to it and how to spend your time doing more beneficial and fulfilling activities. Right?
    Pesto likes this.
  7. Pesto

    Pesto Fapstronaut

    I love all the supportful comments. For about a year now stopping PMO has been on the back of my mind. Now it is about seeing it as a majour impact on my quality of life and as a person.

    It has been a while but I feel I am due a re-evaluation of my values. I wish to be on track.
  8. SensualLettuce

    SensualLettuce Fapstronaut

    Don't fall into the trap of believing that a relapse has undone all your progress (IMO, if that were true wet dreams could be considered relapses, but I digress), it hasn't. It's still a success story and a proud testament of triumph, willpower and discipline. Get back on the saddle but give yourself a break, you did well :)
    Pesto likes this.
  9. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

    I admit to myself, this thread scares me.

    I am really scared about having a long streak, feeling good and rewired and then starting to think that i can take a peak, and falling back into addiction.
    Pesto and Xhiddy like this.

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