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I think I'm meant to be a loner.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Jonathansierra, Jun 18, 2017.

  1. Jonathansierra

    Jonathansierra Fapstronaut

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    I keep pushing my only 2 friends away. Im feeling depressed and anxious everyday and I just feel like I'm falling deeper in a hole I can't get out of. I haven't relapsed and I won't plan on it. I would just rather do everyday things alone with no one. Ive been trying to socialize but I still seem to not pursue new friendships cause I can't give with anyone genuinely. I will not pursue fake relationships that's not what I do. The flatline is seriously taking a toll on my mental state and I don't know what to do guys.
     
  2. What are you going to achieve by chasing friends???? Will that make you a great person? Chase goals and dreams instead.
     
    Jonathansierra and FeelingDoomed like this.
  3. BigandBeastly

    BigandBeastly Fapstronaut

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    I'm in the same place you are right now friend, the way I see it is that were just changing mentally, developing new habits, and new ways of thinking. Once everything gets set in stone friends and romantic relationship s will come smoothly. Nofap is just the beginning of something great and if you have to go it alone for a bit, to work on yourself. Than so be it.
     
    Kajz, Sinfree and Jonathansierra like this.
  4. Genji

    Genji Guest

    You need therapy for your self-esteem. If you don't want to go, then I suggest "Intimate Connections" by David Burns (8$ that could change your life). Read it and do what it says.
     
    Jonathansierra likes this.
  5. Jonathansierra, do whatever makes you happy. Real friends share values, not only free time and laughter. You may lose contact with a friend for years, and yet, if you appreciate and help each other, your friendship can restart any time.

    There are so many valuable things to do in life, from sports to learning a foreign language, travelling or playing an instrument, that anybody can enrich his life, if he wants to.
     
    Jonathansierra likes this.
  6. Sinfree

    Sinfree Fapstronaut

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    Dude, I can't help but relate to your situation,

    I have many dreams and desires for self improvement along with nofap, yet I can't have fun with my only friends either. While they are focused on the obvious dopamine agents, I am more focused on doing great things. But I also have this problem with loneliness that is so hard to handle, it comes every day to me and I can't do much to resist because nothing genuinely makes me happy. Sometimes when it goes away I would be able to concentrate back into what I consider as great work,, I have been off this site for a long time but message me if you want and we can talk.
     
  7. @Sinfree, I think that we should try one of those jobs, hobbies or skills that not only help, but actually force us to interact with people: dancing, playing an instrument, team sports, etc. Reading, for instance, is not going to help us very much, unless we go to a literature club.
     
  8. Sinfree

    Sinfree Fapstronaut

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    Lol, I must say, all I've done is read or write the past month and the closest thing to socialization was going to the gym where I dont really talk much to people. I really agree with you and I really want to do that. But I don't know how to be honest
     
  9. @Sinfree, I will quote myself off another post of mine, I hope you don't mind:

    When you share a common interest or hobby with someone, it's not very difficult to start a conversation or become friends with them. Once, when I was younger, I was at a flamenco concert and I heard two people on the seats behind me talking in Spanish. I turned to them and asked them 'Do you play the guitar?' 'Yes, I do.' 'Maybe we can meet for a jam session some day.'

    Another day there were two guys playing the guitar together in the street. I stopped to listen and then I asked them if I could join them the next day.

    We don't have to be a genius to start a conversation. However, we have to be good at something, or have a serious reason for starting it. One of my friends is very good at soccer and he is also a football encyclopedia. Unlike me, he can start a conversation with anybody he wants, because all men like soccer in my country. He can make friends much easier than me.

    The more skills we learn, the more people around us will look up to us and, even more important, they will look for us. Literally, everything we learn matters, whether we are talking about knowing how to fix a water tap, talk to the condo manager or to a cab driver, speak 2 or 3 languages, or dance. By the way, knowing how to dance is very important when we want to meet a girl and keep our relationship going.

    Of course, I think it goes without saying that the basic 'equipment' that we need for real, functional friendship is to be respectful, helpful and honest, to know how to listen, in some cases to have a job.

    Personally, I've been a lazy person in all respects, but I'm willing to change.
     
    Sinfree likes this.

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