1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

I think I might lose a friendship with someone

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Namekian23, Jul 13, 2017.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    815
    567
    93
    Right now I think I'm in a pretty bad situation. First of all, I have this female friend that I've known for more than 10 years. Even though we don't see each other often like we used to (because she moved to another state), we were still able to keep in contact throughout the years. Once in a while, we would hang out with my other friends given the fact that we lived far away.

    There was also a time when she admitted that she had a crush on me, but unfortunately, I didn't had feelings for her at the time and told her the truth. We remained friends until something happened earlier this year. We were supposed to see each other with another friend of mine, but it never happened. She accidentally sent us to the wrong address for some strange reason. My friend was more pissed off than I was, but for me, it was more of confusion than anything else.

    I mean, I couldn't believe it; why would she make me go through all that? Later that week, I forgave her and we remained friends. I tried calling and texting her weeks later, but she always seemed busy. Supposedly, she lost her phone for 6 months, but she told me to call her on Facebook instead. I did just that, and she never picked up as if she was avoiding me or something. After trying and trying I gave up.

    Also recently, I saw on Facebook some of her new friends that she was posting. It included some guys along with a few females. To be honest, we weren't really that close even though we knew each other for so long, and there were times when I clearly took her for granted. I would get angry at her on certain occasions. Also, it seems like she has forgotten about me, and I was wondering over the years that our friendship was ever gonna last. I mean, we opened up to each other many times. However, her life was more reckless and out of place than mine. I had a close family, good friends, and so on. And all of a sudden, she's hanging out with new friends while ignoring me. I don't know what to say anymore...
     
    Potato93, nelloJ and Flyhigh like this.
  2. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    You missed years of signals
     
    Potato93 and The Consigliere like this.
  3. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    815
    567
    93
    It sounds like you're trying to blame me for what happened or something. All I wanted to do was be her friend. Even though I wasn't attracted to her, I still considered her a sweetheart. One of the reasons why I didn't get with her was because of all the jerks that she's been with. She understood me just as I understood her because I went through the same thing. Unless you have something else to add to that.
     
    Potato93 likes this.
  4. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    All I'm saying is in those years she might have been sending signals she wanted to move on from the bad guys. They are often subtle. I'm not blaming you.
     
    Potato93 likes this.
  5. When you rejected her, that's when her feelings toward you changed. Even though you didn't want a relationship with her, she did and when she failed she moved on from you. I speak from personal experience. Been there, suffered that.
     
    Bel and Aiyoshi like this.
  6. Maybe she is trying to start a new life? Sometimes it happens with some people. They want to start from a blank page, if you kniw what I mean. It's ok. Think about all that years you've spend together. It can't go without a sign.

    So I suggest you just to give her a free time. A week, a month, I don't know. And then try to have a good long conversation with her. She'll explain everything to you, if she is a good honest person.
     
    wings111, Potato93, nelloJ and 2 others like this.
  7. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    815
    567
    93
    I think rejection is a harsh word. I still wanted to be friends with her afterwards; it's not like I turned her down and left her. Like one of the other Fapstronauts said, I was probably missing key signals throughout the years. And to be more specific, she used to like me, but never actually told me until now. By the way, do you mind sharing one of your experiences, so I can get a better understanding of where your coming from?
     
    Potato93 likes this.
  8. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    815
    567
    93
    Yes, I can see that happening. Like the saying goes: Birds of a feather, flock together. The people she's been hanging out with right now are more like her. They like to work hard, but play hard. They can be outgoing, yet have an adventurous and sometimes reckless life. My life, on the other hand, is much more structured because of family responsibilities, cultural traditions, and so on. We live 2 different extremes, yet none of us are truly happy. In the end, I don't think we would have made a good couple. However, I still have many regrets of not being a good enough friend to her, so that she would stay in my life a little longer. Right now, I'll give it some time like you said, and maybe we'll speak again.
     
    Potato93 likes this.
  9. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

    447
    508
    93
    Woman use "shit test" to see if a man is confident. they only do that if they aren't sure if a man is confident.

    If a man used to be nice guy(friendzone) but start acting like a confident(alpha male) she starts to test him by sometimes acting like a bitch and see how you will react.

    she gives you a wrong adress to see how you react. and you failed you accepted shit behavior. Why do you text and call her after she acted like a "bitch". You should have become angry like you're friend and remove her from facebook, phone because its unrespectfull if she then replies to you then you text her like.

    Or you should at least told her that it was not ok that what she did.

    Its pretty obvious what happened she was testing you and you acted like a nice guy

    you need to put woman in their place if they do something wrong
     
  10. I'd rather not go into specifics but I've had a few incidents where I was somewhat friends with a girl, she wanted to date but I didn't and then just like that the friendship was over. When I turned her down, she washed her hands of me pretty much.
     
  11. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    815
    567
    93
    I don't know what to say man. That's pretty harsh. I don't know her entire story. She could have had numerous failures of trying to find someone, and somehow the frustrations caught up to her. Or it could be because she's insecure. Who knows. One thing for sure, is that you didn't do anything wrong. You just told her the truth (depending how you said it). In my case, I realized that my friendship was slowly fading, and for you, it just ended abruptly. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it's how you deal with it. As for my friend, I hope that some day, she will come to her senses and talk to me again. If not, then I will have no choice but to let her go. Nothing lasts forever, and that includes friendships.
     
    Potato93 and Deleted Account like this.
  12. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    815
    567
    93
    Just note that she and I knew each other since high school, and we're both almost 30 right now. I don't know who taught you how to speak of women in that manner, let alone calling them a bitch. You have no idea of the hardships and joy that we shared over the years. And as of right now, what happened is what happened, and sooner or later the truth will come out. I don't know if her new friends are having a negative influence on her, or if she's hiding something, but what I do know is that something is very suspicious.
     
    Potato93 and Deleted Account like this.
  13. Potato93

    Potato93 Fapstronaut

    298
    326
    63
    Did she blocked you on facebook or something?

    I have a crush that I dont talk to in 9 months and we barely kept in touch. I thought one day I'd get energies to talk to her again as a hope to get along with her. Last week she deleted her facebook.

    I felt really strange that day because I thought I'd lost contact with her by that. But talking to people in real life is what makes the difference. I know that if I want to search for her I can go to friends and ask. Efforts like that are needed to reconnect with people, nowadays everyone is in their confort zone and takes every online decision as a strict behavior.

    If you really like her, being a friend or a lover, I'd say that your journey to reconnect with her is really difficult (and a test of personality / self growth) for you to reach out of your medium and reach her friends.

    The problem is that the possibilities of rejection by doing that greatly increases. (That's for all of us)
    Its a little similar to a lock, the person can close a door for you, just as she can open up again.
    We all wish we could get other people to re-consider ourselves.

    I wish you all the luck, in this life, only death is permanent, everything else changes constantly.
    If you be true to your heart, she will eventually listen. I recommend you this ted talk:



    Honesty, Authenticity, Integrity and Love is what it takes for a good reconnection approach.
    If you explained more about her interests and her personality maybe I could help restructuring your mindset for you to reach her out.
     
    Namekian23 likes this.
  14. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    815
    567
    93
    Thanks for your help bud I appreciate it. As of now, she seems to be doing her own thing while I'm doing mine. I have a lot of things that I need to make up to her, but that can be done at a later time. I still need her in my life, but until I reach out to her, our friendship will not likely continue. We've known each other for more than 10 years, and I think I know her enough to get her attention. However, I must be careful to not get impatient and angry like I did before; that was what separated us to begin with. I also have plans to move out someday (hundreds of miles away), and maybe when I'm about to leave, I will reach out to her one last time. But yeah, as of now, I can only hope for the best.
     
    Potato93 likes this.
  15. Maybe it's time for some new friends?
     
  16. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    815
    567
    93
    That's sounds like a good idea; maybe I should
     
    ⚡Zeus⚡ likes this.

Share This Page