I think even my family doesn’t expect me to get a girlfriend anymore

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by superstorm250, Jul 20, 2018.

  1. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    TL;DR My family always used to be optimistic about my love life, then grew concerned as I got older and now assume that I’ll be forever alone.

    I bet I’m not the only one on here who thinks this, and I’m sure anybody else would also agree that it makes them feel worse. When I was in high school and through my early 20’s (almost 25 now), my parents and other family members would ask me if there’s any girls that I like and ask me about girls at my high school, and also encourage me to ask someone out when school dances were coming up soon. I always made excuses and quickly changed the subject whenever they would bring it up.

    As I got older, it turned to them asking with a more concerned tone and my sister straight up asking me if I’m ever going to get a girlfriend in addition to having my sexual orientation questioned by a few different people in my family. Then last year, my mom tells me that statistics have shown that a lot of millennials end up staying single and that maybe I fall into that category. Then just yesterday my mom and grandma were talking about my sister hopefully changing her mind about having kids when she gets married and then saying that I can be around to take care of her after my sister has a family. They assume I’ll be forever alone and its fucking harsh coming from my family.
     
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  2. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    That's a nightmare! Try not to let it affect your reboot, stay strong and above all stay patient.

    [​IMG]
     
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  3. anthony stark

    anthony stark Fapstronaut

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    right on the money man same deal going on over here, exact same thing , even my family is trying to convince my sister to have a familyand she even uses as an insult the phrase "don't you ever plan on getting a girlfriend you @#$%^ " ,only difference is i'm 21 so 4 years of difference . it's terrible before i used to look at my friends and be like "ok from the 9 of us only 2 have girlfriends no big deal", but as time moved on 2 turned into 3 then 4 then 5,6 and now there's just 3 of us who's never had a girlfriend and each time i meet one of them i'm afraid of ending up as that one guy who never had a girlfriend , if at least i was some kind of playboy i could wing it but i'm not even that.
    i just don't know how people do it , maybe i'm too distrustful of people or maybe is like a mental block or something that i put on myself a while ago and now i can't get it off, like i want a girlfriend but won't start looking until i shape up , i won't shape up n till i improve my academic life and i can't do that till i fix my procrastination/fap problem so one way or another i'm utterly fucked unless i get my head out my ass...
     
  4. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    Ouch thats cold! Such hurtful words from your families... I can relate too. My mum keeps telling me that i should have a family and kids by now. She compares me to other people she knows who are my age. They have got married and they have started to have families. Yet from her deluded closed perspective i am doing nothing with my life and nothing changes. I am also unemployed at the moment so that makes my life even harder, its a mess... I also have never had a girlfriend either but that is down to bad luck, anxiety, health issues, PIED etc...

    I also find it hard to believe how people do it too. I get so annoyed when people brag about the relationships they have. One of my friends told me that i was doing it all wrong when i told him that i don't have a girlfriend... He is married and has a kid... I think it all comes down to the beliefs we have about ourselves. People keep telling me that im a good looking guy. But because i have never had a girlfriend and i have really bad anxiety i just find it hard to accept... It's a mental block. I know that i CAN meet girls i have done it before. I can also have sex i have done that too. But because i have never been in a serious relationship before its hard to get over that self doubt...

    And i feel that my reboots are always tied into my dating life. I do reboots because i want to get over the PMO and PIED because i see that as a reason for girls to not accept me. Not being able to get it up. But also when im feeling really down and weak i can sometimes relapse because i feel lonely and i really want to get into a serious relationship. Catch 22.
     
  5. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    Fuck them. Bro I'm 20 and the same shit is happening here. My brother questions my sexuality and he's younger than me! Dude don't ever change who you are to appease them. Go the direction you know is right and in the long run they will respect you more for it. I'm seeing it with my friends who are "entrepreneurs" and they look good short term because of their social media profiles and girlfriends. Even though it looks like I'm not winning, I am. Because I know long term they are in for a rude awakening. Life is a marathon brother, not a sprint. Don't let anyone fool you. You are a 25 year old man, a 25 year old woman is on a totally different clock than you are. Be patient and enjoy your life bro.
     
  6. Moosa333

    Moosa333 Fapstronaut

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    Well I'm 28 and still single. It's true buddy sometimes you don't find someone to live your life with. But I'll tell you another true thing. Everything happens when it's suppose to happen if it's meant to happen at all. If you're putting in the effort from your end then you should try to find peace and acceptance with the hand life deals you.

    Probably shitty advice but that's where my heads at!
     
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  7. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    Of course they do but you need to realize they care for you and are concerned and appreciate that but it’s your life not there’s and unless you want your life to look like there’s then I wouldn’t take there advice or them too seriously this journey and NoFap isn’t some mainstream philosophy so expect people to not be able to grasp your lifestyle and that’s ok
     
  8. That's tough judgmental families are the worst , I think a lot of there negative attitude toward you is the way they feel about themsevels in general its there fears and negativity that they feel about themselves coming out on you. NEVER TAKE SEROUSLY A NEGTIVE OR JUDGMENTAL PERSON SAYS THERE A JOKE THEY NOW IT THATS WHY THERE ACTING THAT WAY TOWARD YOU, anybody with a some sense of self esteem and heart would not treat someone like that, don't listen to them and YOU WIN
     
  9. Bad_hombre

    Bad_hombre Fapstronaut

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    The same here. We Inherit an I'm not good enough mindset because we're brought up in these fucked up families in a toxic environment. Most likely all of us have low self-esteem I believe that the answer is stop avoiding our fears and building up our confidence. The problem is that it is hard as hell I'm 24 almost 25 and I'm doing a great effort to improve. I'm suspicious that shame plays a big role in this problem sometimes we are so afraid of embarrassing ourselves or coming across as a dick that It is unfeasible to make a move.

    What pisses me off the most is that very often the people around us are incredibly unhelpful. I started to challenge them and refuse to believe in their negative words. I'm becoming a tough dude and girls seem to be a lot more interested in me now. A little bit of luck and the right move I'm all in. We're never gonna be 100% ready so we have to face our fears the way we are.

    Dude, don't hesitate if you feel that people are trying to put you down challenge them. Stand up for yourself respect is not a gift It's earned.
     
    Hitto likes this.
  10. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    I understand too. My family hardly asks me anymore. I'm a 30yo male virgin who's only ever had one semi-serious girlfriend before, and that was almost a decade ago. I never talk about women with them, either. Personally, I've kind of given up on the idea I will find someone. I don't actually find myself really attracted to women all that often, and then those women are almost never interested in me. Then the women who are interested in me, I'm not interested in them. The extremely rare occasions there has been mutual interest, either life circumstances kept us apart, or I self-sabotaged whenever there was any genuine possibility.

    My sister is already divorced, but neither of us have kids, so I guess my parents are still holding out hope for either of us to give them grandchildren.

    I think a major factor in my lack of drive and confidence has simply been MO and PMO. Part of why I'm trying to reboot. I currently have a 30-day hard mode goal, then followed by no-PM. I hope to gain some self-confidence and have more drive and motivation for life so I can find a girlfriend. I would like to get married and have kids before I'm 40!
     
  11. WackinWolf

    WackinWolf Fapstronaut

    It still surprises me that I can read posts from people that are so similar to me, I'm 25 going on 26 pretty soon and my family always asks me when I'm going to get a girlfriend. Well my dad has kind of stopped and told me that it will happen when it happens. I suppose the best thing that I can tell you, since we're both in the same type of boat, is that you should worry too much for we are still very young and the possibilities are endless! Maintain your resolve throughout your goals and challenges and we're here whenever you need to talk.
     
  12. Sharksvv

    Sharksvv Fapstronaut

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    I can understand this. My mom would periodically ask me “So when are going to get a girlfriend” I tried changing the topic and it made me uncomfortable, which in turn probably made them question my sexual orientation which just ate me up inside.

    When I’d go out with the 1-2 friends that I had my mom would also ask if girls were there or just in general if when I went out girls were around that I knew. This also made me uncomfortable because I’d lie and say yes when in reality there were no girls in my group of friends.

    Thankfully I got my first girlfriend at 24 who 2 years later today is still my girlfriend. I very much consider myself a “late bloomer” my past addiction to porn and masterbating didn’t help either. So I pretty much dealt with what you are going through for a while. It rough I know, I hope your misery ends like mine did I really do. It’s like this pressure, a countdown to the time when they simply stop asking which I’d imagined would feel even worse than them asking.

    I feel relieved that I’m not dealing with this anymore but If I was I was going to start saying “I can’t find a good girl” or something along the lines of diverting it to the fact that they aren’t any decent girls out there.

    Keep your head up man.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2018
  13. Catondo\

    Catondo\ Fapstronaut

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    Well I am on the same boat as you.
    My father in particular used to believe I was gay, you know hiding my sexuality and such. I think because me being omosexual would actually be a good explaination for me being single.

    I honestly don't care about what they think, I know i want a woman in my life, because that's natural and feels right.
    The truth is I don't know how to acquire one, and I am doing nothing about it. I think not fapping is a good start.
     
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  14. Broken Knight

    Broken Knight New Fapstronaut

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    Hi. I just wanted to tell you that for many years I have been looking for an answer to my problem, and even though I found so many answers explaining many situtations none of them really gave me any peace. However I read this one and even though its too soon to say it, I think I can finally find some peace with my problem. Thank you. :)
     
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  15. ManIntheArena

    ManIntheArena Fapstronaut

    My cousin found a wife at 40 after moving to New York City. She was a member of the same church and offered to show him where the good furniture stores were. They hit it off during the day and they made plans to have lunch together the next day. They've been married for years now and every time I see them it's like they're on their honeymoon. So wait patiently, work on yourself, and eventually a good fit will come into your life.
     
  16. Moosa333

    Moosa333 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks broken knight! We're all on this forum to find a bit of support from one another so I'm glad anything I say can be of any use :)))
     
  17. JouleTrader

    JouleTrader Fapstronaut

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    This reminds me of a line in "Coming to America"
    "Well that's what you're doing wrong boy you can't go to no bar to meet nice women you gotta go nice places, like a library, good women there, and the church is good girls...or where I'm going tonight, the black awareness rally, they gonna be some fine women there tonight, good clean girls! That's where I'm going shit! (full quote)"
     
  18. When you get questioned that and you come from a dysfunctional family;
    "When you getting a gf/bf?"
    "Look at my family, do you think I want to deal with this shit?"
     
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  19. DrummerSGX92

    DrummerSGX92 Fapstronaut

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    I really enjoyed this thread; a lot of great advice! I particularly liked: life is a marathon not a sprint. What a great line; I might have to write it on my wall board. We get stuck comparing and contrasting with our friends, siblings, parents, cousins, age group ect. But it really leads to nothing, but jealousy and sadness. Its great to look up to people and to admire; but to compare yourself is not. Its as if you see a prize dangling and you can't grab it but another taller man is able to reach it. But you are promised if you wait so and so years you will get that prize. It would be hard to accept that because people want things now, they want that instant satisfaction and relief of knowing they will be fine or win.
     

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