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I salute all those who have reset their counter

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by perusan, Feb 20, 2014.

  1. perusan

    perusan Fapstronaut

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    Well, I slipped up. Last Friday I was looking after a friend's house and was watching TV and as I scrolled through Freeview I eventually got to the adult channels and...... and then I felt the old feeling come over me. There was a voice that said "Ah! I recognise this. This is not what I should be.....", but it was small, weak, unprepared and was very firmly overridden as I switched to the channel.

    Now, all that was on were previews, but that was enough for me to start M and a couple minute later O. As simple as that. And then I found myself in that usual position of awkward, guilty, disappointed, disgusted. I had been 74 days without PMO or in fact O of any kind. 16 days away from my goal of 90 days. Just over 2 weeks.

    How do I feel? Well, until the next morning I felt a bit cross with myself and a bit down. But now I don't feel bitter. And I don't feel angry. I don't feel physically different and I am lucky that the power of triggers and the addiction hasn't increased too much.

    I don't even feel that disappointed. I am happy that I made it to 74 days. That is over 10 weeks - 1/5 of a year. That I failed so close to my goal is slightly annoying, but it is my first slip-up. I'd rather not see it as a relapse because I don't feel that I actually entered into what I was before. But I DID allow the addiction to control me and now I have more respect for what the addiction is.

    And it has also given me a lot of respect for everyone who has reset their counter. I guess the moment for me that I started to feel okay again was when I decided that resetting my counter was what I had to do. I did spend the night thinking "it was just a small slip-up, I don't need to tell anyone. Don't spoil your long run just because of a small mistake". The thing is, my addiction has a voice that I recognise. It really IS that 'devil-on-the-shoulder' thing and it mostly consists of suggestions or reasons why I should do something that I know I don't want to do. So it was quite easy to recognise that those thoughts were coming from the addicted part of my brain. And I guess if I had listened to it then it would have had a hold over me. "Hey, you lied once so why not another little slip up - just a quickie doesn't count". I don't need the addiction to have that sort of power over me.

    So I have reset my counter and I salute all those who have been through the same process. It takes courage and determination to reset. It takes real guts to face the world with a reset counter. And it takes control and power over your addiction which is a true sign of progress.

    If I got to 90 days I never really imagined that I this journey would end so resetting the counter doesn't affect my long term view of what I have to do. Each day is still the same - to battle to be PMO-free. Whether I have done that successfully on 90 consecutive days previously makes no difference to the day in hand.

    Today I am happy. 6 days and counting. I am moving forward. I am now prepared for triggers in new/other locations. I can do this. We all can.
     
  2. CheshireCat2323

    CheshireCat2323 Fapstronaut

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    That sucks man, but go for it harder this time around! Masturbation is a pretty hard habit to kick, but that benefits seem totally worth it
     
  3. dajota

    dajota Fapstronaut

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    Hey Perusan,

    Don't give up. It is wonderful that you are able to stay positive. Yes, you may have slipped. But NO, it is not the end! Keep fighting on and victory will eventually be yours. Your positive attitude will ensure your success, just make sure that you constantly remember the basics of how you handled your urges previously. And also remember why you are doing this...

    You can overcome this PMO monster this time. Keep going!
     
  4. William

    William Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the post, thanks for the reminder about triggers.

    Good luck on your journey.
     

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