I Ruined the Best Thing in My Life

Happy to have you here. I'm not in the same exact boat as you but I'm sure you'll find that many people on this site are. We're all battling a similar struggle either way. I was in constant relapse mode before I discovered this site. I'm only two weeks in but I've never felt stronger in this battle. I hope you'll find this site as useful as I have.

 

Welcome to the forum. Many of us end up here after some sort of rock-bottom moment. Over a year ago my wife said she was going to pack up her things, move out take our children with her, and tell everyone who asked the real reason why unless I changed. After 25 years of failed efforts to quit I finally was able to get clean starting that night.

Many wives here have to carry the burden of being married to a porn addict and regret the years lost to this addiction. Addiction is baggage that should not be brought into a marriage. It's not fair to either person. The stress of married life can make the problem even worse and make any future rock-bottom moments even worse.

I hope you can view this as an opportunity to get healthy. I know the pain right now is fresh and it's very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But now you can take total ownership of this problem and make recovery the primary focus of your life. The one nice thing about having a rock-bottom moment is that you can only go up from here. It's ok to be sad and to mourn the loss of a relationship and use it as motivation to turn yourself into a better person.

Recovery will help you look inside yourself and discovery why porn was so attractive to you. Instead of acting like a slave to your feelings you can finally start to address them. Stay focused on living one day at a time... or one urge at a time. Even though the detox period can be difficult, you will start feeling better. Shame, guilt, and embarrassment will start to melt away and your self-esteem will start to return. Thinks WILL start to get better.

So, educate yourself, start a journal, find an accountability partner, see a therapist if you need to, or get some meds if that will help. Addicts cannot fight their addiction on their own. Reach out to others who are available to help. I hope you find the advice, information, and support you need to achieve recovery.

 

Hey man! I'm new to the forums too! 26 y/o. One thing I can say is keep your chin up, and both heads will be up before you know it! She might be disappointed, but deep down she still loves you. I'm here to PM anytime!

 

it may feel far-fetched, but every hour that passes is a step closer to that goal of making it through one week without succumbing to the addiction. and you know what? you're already making more progress than you're giving yourself credit for by seeking out the help you need. some of us may be able to handle the changes on our own, but largely, the rest of us need some help from other people that want to see us through to the end of this journey.

if you're struggling at the thought of going one week without, keep that goal in mind but focus on each day. give yourself the opportunity for success. you can do this.

i unfortunately don't have much i can say about your relationship, and i'm very sorry that you are going through this experience. i know it's really tough to think about right now, but right now in this moment, what you need is to improve you. take a deep breath and focus on getting well and recovering from this addiction. then once you're closer to your goal, see what changes come about in your life because you cut out porn. take solace in your progress and in your improvements. they will serve you well as you heal from the wounds of this relationship, and they will also help you have a better relationship with yourself.

 

Welcome, you're at the right place. A lot of good people here!

Since joining NoFap, I have had a great deal support that got me through a lot of bad times. I've been here sine November 2016, and I have racked up many PMO-free streaks, however I am not satisfied with myself yet. I also decided that I am going to pay it forward, and make it a point to respond to at least one thread everyday. Never had I ran into one quite like this, and I must say your story has cut me to the core. You have no idea how much this effected me, I am literally shed a few tears right now. I've been sitting here trying to figure out how to respond because I want to be there for people on here, like they were there for me.

I am a 26-year-old virgin who never had a gf, and I have been M-ing since I was 13. I really got into frequent PMO binging when I was in 18 (living in a single dorm throughout college). I would PMO early morning, or late at night, or quite often both. I have accidentally discovered NoFap through a TED Talk, explaining how much PMO can ruin your life (from erection problems which I currently have, among other things). From the frequent PMOs, I too had to seek out more extreme content over time. I was desensitized to a lot of things, and my erections eventually became less, and less, and eventually almost nothing. It was in November 2016 when I have first attempted to quit. So far I have made it to Day 49, 5, 2, 8, 46(!!!), 1, 1, 3, it's not Day 11 (and counting).

Once you relapse, a chaser effect following it is quite common. Take a look again at my PMO-free streaks. The longer you hold off, the better, but if you relapse, the following days will get that much harder. I personally found the first two weeks to be the most difficult, but eventually you will get used to life without PMO. It was crazy how I made it to 40+ days twice, but immediately after, autopilot just took control I found that I couldn't make it past a few days following those relapses... definitely got a lot of dust in my eyes immediately following those days. I thought "I am on the verge of going back to my old ways" and it friggin hurt! But eventually I did find a way to pick myself up and keep going.

So the real deal is to avoid that one relapse that will pull you right back in. Figure out what triggers you back into PMO after racking up a long streak. For me, it was teasing my eyes with suggestive pictures (even non-nudes can be triggering for me). I deleted Instagram because I followed way to many models. I followed a certain "favorite" p-star of mine on her personal Facebook page. Her pics were her getting coffee, kayaking, etc. However, I looked way to frequently and ended up looking up her p-video and PMOed. Didn't realize it at the time, but it was the other half of my brain trying to get me to PMO. After that relapse, I decided I am gonna avoid her like the plague, she was a real trigger for me. I also decided to not watch many r-rated movies with sex in them, unless the movie didn't revolve around the sex scene. So be mindful of what draws you back into PMO. I know it's not always avoidable, a friggin news article triggered me into PMO once. But remind yourself of how badly you want to give up PMO, and do everything to fight it!

I already mentioned you are at the right place. Do write anything that's on your mind here. Even if no one responds (guarantee someone always will respond), it's a great way of organizing your thoughts. I have written stuff here and it served as a reminder of why I wanted to quit. I have avoided relapsing a lot.

Get an accountability partner. I have a wonderful AP currently, and we look out for each other. We check in daily, and we have helped each other through some really tough days.

How badly do you want to quit PMO? Even if you relapse, NEVER. EVER. GIVE. UP! Set outrageous (but doable) goals, set methods to accomplish those goals, attempt to reach that goal, "fail" (heavy emphasis on the quotation marks), find out what went wrong, set new goals, set new methods, repeat, try, try, try again! =]

despite my relapses, I did see a lot of improvements. There is a lot of truth on how no PMO will make you more attractive to women. I am actually more motivated to approach women, and talk with them. I went on a date for the first time in years yesterday. Also my erections have returned, and they are whole lot bigger.... but I digress... These served as a reminder of why I wanted to quit. So make a note of your improvements from going PMO-free, do keep track of them, and use them into motivators for why you want to continue racking up PMO-free streaks.

I will follow this thread, because this story has effected me greatly. Take care of yourself. Do not think it's the end of the world. I am proof that it is possible to pick yourself back up. I'm saying this as a person who is not fully satisfied with himself at the moment, but I definitely made amazing improvements. I didn't even think it was possible to make it past a week, I didn't think I would be able to have an improvement in my ways with women, or see an improvement in my erections. I (previously) thought "this is what is meant to be..." and I never thought I could make it this far.

Don't give up. As someone who previously didn't believe in himself, I can assure you that there is a way to climb out of the hole no matter how deep it has gotten.

 

Thank you for your honesty and trust in us to share your story.

Welcome to NoFap where, as you have seen, you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?

 

Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips which may help you along your journey.

 

You do now brother. Just don't lose sight of the fact that you're doing this for you, not for your relationship. Sounds like you're on the right track, and welcome!

 

Wow man, definitely not alone. I totally felt this for the sake of my family, this is the push we needed.
It's time to see this change through

 

Hey man dont be frustrated. My situation is some thing like you and even worse. Iv started m when iwas 10 years old and i am 27 now. First of all know yourself if you are stimulated by just some explicit photographs you could delete your modem drivers for some weeks and be busy. Loneliness is one of the reasons of m. In my case i fapped even 5 times in one single day and i inserted thingd in my b***hole but now i know my self and i know that what drives me to the porn.