I relapsed. What I can do better?

I relapsed, it started from big feeling to masturbate. I started edging a little bit then I typed in Google to search porn. At least I havent seen any video, just a picture and not the worst one. Then I ejaculated.

I was battling with myself for whole day.
Whether masturbate or not. Is NOFAP bullshit or benefits are real.
The urge has overcome me. It was too heavy for me at one point.

Now? I am feeling down, everything started to irritate me. I feel angry. I feel like I wasted time. I think about how J was thinking few days ago about Nofap and my goals. Why I started NOFAP 1.5 years ago. I have to again start with day 0. I feel like I will never get away from addiction.
Its how people describe, you feel like shit.

Whats the cause?
I have let myself using too much of internet. Too much smartphone. Too much searching web, too much spending time at home, too much irritated about things around me, too much thinking about worthiness of NOFAP, too much of time when i just lay in bed with a smartphone, too much of searching things about NOFAP as if I were about to find something I didnt know about. Not enough things to do at home

Meh.

 

I am living in small town, 7000 people living here, not really much things to do in leisure time.
Every evening I stay at home.
I think it is a cause of sitting in home
But I have to find out something, sitting too much time at my house increases the chances of relapsing.
Hmm, maybe I could go for a bike ride in the woods every evening?

 

Too much of analyzing

I definetly know what I am supposed to do.
*Not watching porn and not masturbating - I have been doing this for too long, for 9 years, (11 years old to now)
Of course not fapping will be a good idea for my case... I am not not-addicted, healthy guy so fapping from time to time has no negative impact.
Im 20 years old with rich brain chemistry fucking up experience. I am socially anxious, depressed, very poor sport endurance, no friends, no job at now, with potential, ideas, dreams and goals.
I have GF (because of my 1st NOFAP atrempt - 6 months streak ;p) and experienced few benefits.
*Not using internet, cutting down smartphone and laptop use and surfing web to minimum or zero
Stop surfing the web, always checking NOFAP forum, always checking uo facebook ect.
I was addicted to video games(Succesfully stopped playing any games) I used smartphone for 4 hours a day, I definetly should stop these things if I want to really detox myself

I need to stop doing things which I know I need to, stop finding excuses for that.
Because really, my addiction can be prolonged to my 30s 40s
I wont do any big succes if I am addicted to something

Tips, advices - post if you really have a good one!

 

Yeah, I relapsed. Then in 2019 I was clean for some time but I relapsed few times.
Now its my second serious attempt.

 

Thank uou

 

What was your excuse for relapsing?

 

Masturbation releases sexual tensions, its healthy, semen retention is bullshit, nofap benefits are not real
I watch that specific porn now, feel pleasure and just later will start nofap.
Just one glance, one "porn session" and I will go abstinance later

 

Try not to get cucked in the downward spyral of the 2 day relapse due to the porn's addictive dopamine bollocs, like I did a few times

 

Yes, I need to be strong.
Its harder than I firstly thought. Maybe I was thinking that because once I did 6 months streak that this time it will be easy

 

There is always that kind of feeling "I am still hungry, one glance, you already relapsed, one more video wont be bad"

 

Happend to me many times b4 saddly

 

Ugh, watched some videos...
But there is conclusion too

Why it is even cool for me? These videos are all the same, boring
After a while it didnt interest me. Fake, boring, weird.

Why my body crave to watch a video which isnt even interesting and doesnt make me a better person.
Well, the last time I ever do it. Becauss it isnt even "fun" anymore.

 

I think about it I find kissing, hugging and touching my GF more sexy than this

I feel more natural, I have more fun

Well, its kind of funny
Porn stopped entertaining me.
Its true.
I watched because I had craving just to watch it. But it really dpnt turn me on that much after a while.
Its only dopamine high. I can heal my brain. Its possible to be free from porn.

 

I relapsed, I prolonged my recovery

But I learned how stupid porn is
90 % of videos are the same. Theres nothing new I can see. Only new actors doing the same thing. Making milions lf guys getting addicted to it....

That real women is way better, its 10x better experience .
I say that truly after watching porn and having a meeting with my girlfriend yesterday.
If I compare tofay to yesterday, yesterday was better ;p
I guess that If I want to feel better experiences its better to experience it with real women. Really
reality is 10x better.
its beyter to focus on reality. Just like video games, I find life more entertaining than playing those dopamine rush video games..
I succesfully stopped gaming, and im not gaming for 1.5 years I guess. Have 10x more time. I need to do the same with porn

It stoped being an adbenture for me. Nothing positive here. Really.
It may be a WOW thing when 10 years old watch it for the first time. But now? Meh. Boring. There is only a dopamine high. From the times when this thing was fun. ..

Well, its time to break it. Bye bye porn and fapping from my life. Maybe I will make some relapses but now I am stronger. I am 20 years old. Turned yezterday. Its time to leave teenage boy secret addiction behind.
I need to heal and get better after this period of destruction of my mental health and psyhical health.