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I Proposed to Her and Now I'm Worried

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by The Ox, Jul 18, 2017.

  1. The Ox

    The Ox Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys, on Saturday evening I proposed to my girlfriend and she said "yes". I'm obviously very pleased but there is something that really worries me.
    To put it in simple terms: I started masturbating at the age of 11 or 12 and before I knew it I was addicted to PMO. I continued with the habit for about 14 years before I quit last year. I've now been PMO free for over 380 days but ED problems continue to plague me. NoFap doesn't seem to be working for me as I had expected. I usually masturbated in the prone position (also known as TMS or death grip). I don't know if this is why my path to recovery is proving difficult. I honestly don't know what the future holds for me now that I'm engaged but still troubled by ED worries.
    In case any of you is wondering, my fiancée and I have never had sex. To cover up my weakness, I told her that I didn't want to engage in premarital sex.
     
    Deleted Account and Flyhigh like this.
  2. HeartSoulLifePassion

    HeartSoulLifePassion Fapstronaut

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    If you've never had sex with your fiancé how do you know you still have ED?
     
  3. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    Maybe you need to get over your ED fears before the wedding day. You will want that special day to be as perfect as is possible, and to do what you can to maximise your enjoyment of the wedding night, as a couple, would be a good idea. If it is just your ED fears and not any religious or other reason to put off having sex until marriage, then my advice is to start having sex. Get used to it before the wedding day and remove any unnecessary additional pressure from that first night of marriage. If problems pop up then you can find out solutions in good time before the wedding. If all goes well then you can look forward to the wedding night instead of fearing it.

    Perhaps you could tell your fiance that now you know the two of you will marry that you feel ready for sex, but if I were you, entering into a lifelong commitment like this, I would just be honest. Tell her that part of your reason for wanting to wait has been performance anxiety, but that you want to have sex with her and you want it to be enjoyable. In fact, you could even have this conversation with her and still wait until the wedding night. If both of you are aware of your fears, then you can just give it a go, see what happens and there will be no surprises, because she has been forewarned. If you find you cannot perform downstairs, there are still things to do to please your new wife on her wedding day. Doing those things may even help you to relax and become ready to join in yourself.

    Whichever approach you choose to take, good luck.
     
    Eauchiche likes this.
  4. The Ox

    The Ox Fapstronaut

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    While we have never had sex, we do kiss and cuddle in bed. I rarely get an erection while doing this which is a worry. In essence what I'm saying is that even when I'm aroused, my penis stays flaccid or it gets erect for just a short period of time.
     
  5. The Ox

    The Ox Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your advice, my friend. I really appreciate it.
     
  6. HeartSoulLifePassion

    HeartSoulLifePassion Fapstronaut

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    I use to be terrified of having sex with my ex girlfriend for the time..already knowing that I had ED issues with previous girls. It really just took patience and for her to understand and after that I never had issues with having sex once we did it for the first time until towards the end when I couldn't O but was still erect. I think at this point it's all in your head and worrying about it only makes it worse. Seems to be an anxiety issue. Make her aware be patient and relax
     
    The Ox and anewhope like this.
  7. True-Self

    True-Self Fapstronaut

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    My advice is, if you are not going to be intimate prior to marriage you should at least have a very through discussion with each other about the topic. People sometimes have very radically different ideas (frequency, what "acts" can be involved, etc.) about sex and you want to make sure that you both are on the same page. Sexual incapability is not a good thing for a healthy marriage.

    Great job on being free from P for over a year!
     
    GG2002 and Hopefulgirl like this.
  8. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    I sense anxiety not ED.
     
    samnf1990 likes this.
  9. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Right after my SO proposed is when his PIED appeared.
    This was a deal breaker for me.
    I've always loved S and not being able to be intimate with my husband and husband to be was A No.
    I wanted a Very intimate life with him, full of touching and kissing and S.
    If I didn't turn him on, it was a problem.
    I was willing to do almost anything to make him happy in the bedroom but it turned out to be not something I could "turn into". I was heartbroken.
    He was lying and not being honest with himself to boot.
    If you aren't being honest, in my opinion, this will only hurt her.
    You shouldnt have proposed until you had these conversations.
    I know this is a strong opinion, but I feel someone should say something about it.
    If you don't know what you expect from each other going in, you can only expect disappointment.
    So far it's good, but what if she isn't sexual and later you want or are able to be?
    What if she has high expectations later and you can't?
    What if you need to find a good way to meet in the middle with tantra but when propose the idea later she's offended?
    I have several more of these scenarios, but I just wanted to share this with you that if you don't think of the possibilities that it's going to blindside you quite possibly if you think narrowly about it.
    I wish you luck and congrats on her saying yes
     
    The Ox likes this.
  10. The Ox

    The Ox Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, bro.
     
    Kenzi likes this.

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