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I need some advice..

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by AMPED, Jan 5, 2018.

  1. Jan 5, 2018 #1
    AMPED

    AMPED Fapstronaut

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    I am a 20 year old male trying to kick a porn addiction. I have been addicted since early teens and only very recently have I put any effort into quitting. My concern is that my sex addiction has already ruined what could have been something amazing. I met this wonderful girl at a concert a few months back and we exchanged numbers and started seeing a lot of her. She is really amazing. Super nice, always has a smile or something funny to say. She is also really pretty. We may have moved things along faster than intended, we spend a lot of time together and are really drawn to each other. We have had sex multiple times and it has been great! But now I want to slow things down because I desire intimacy which takes time. Have I already ruined things? Is it too late to see what we might become? I’m afraid that me fighting my porn addiction might ruin things as well. Is there any reason that I can’t be in a relationship and fight a porn addiction. Please let me know what you think.
     
    AMPED, Jan 5, 2018
    AMPED, Jan 5, 2018
    #1
  2. Jan 5, 2018 #2
    GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    FIrst of all congrats on the 95 days wow! How is the relationship going so far? Are you having problems in bed, do you feel the need to go back to porn? Why do you want to scale things back? What type of intimacy do you desire that you think you do not already have with her? Why don’t you have that?

    Here’s my take. You have done a 90 day reboot. While you are not cured and may have slip ups that’s a lot of progress. I think dating at this point is fine, unless you think you are not ready, that is up to you. Intimacy is not usually something people sit down and say hey let’s make this more intimacy. It develops from spending time together, being honest, opening up, and having a fulfilling sexual relationship. Have you ever had intimacy in a relationship? Part of me wonders if you have not so maybe you do not how it feels. Or maybe you are getting scared because you realize this relationship is heading that way, and you are looking for reasons to scale it back and pull out. This happens to the best of us, putting ourselves out there is scary. But she seems like a great girl and I do not see honestly what the problem is.

    The only thing I would add is that at this point if you have not told her i think you need to tell her about your porn addiction. Because it is so recent in your past there is a chance of you slipping up again and she has the right to know that. I also think that will help you develop the intimacy you are seeking. YOu are still hiding a part of yourself from her. Intimacy means revealing it all even the worst of you, and finding someone that accepts you for all of that. When you find that and feel it, you will know exactly what I mean.
     
    GG2002, Jan 5, 2018
    GG2002, Jan 5, 2018
    #2
    Jennica likes this.
  3. Jan 9, 2018 #3
    The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    As a guy in a relationship becoming a guy who doesn't use porn I think I just answered your question. My girlfriend is my no. 1 cheerleader in the process, too!
    What makes you think you've ruined things?
     
    The Wrestler, Jan 9, 2018
    The Wrestler, Jan 9, 2018
    #3
  4. Jan 9, 2018 #4
    AMPED

    AMPED Fapstronaut

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    I’m not at 95days haha. I’m at 5. I’m worried that having sex with her while still being a porn addict will have ruined things for me when I’m clean. Like taint the process somehow.
     
    AMPED, Jan 9, 2018
    AMPED, Jan 9, 2018
    #4
  5. Jan 10, 2018 #5
    Kurenai

    Kurenai Fapstronaut

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    A relationship is different from porn. It can actually be a good thing, helping you in the rewiring process! It means it help you to sync with the real thing, and not with porn. ;)
     
    Kurenai, Jan 10, 2018
    Kurenai, Jan 10, 2018
    #5

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