I need help from those in this journey

Here is my backstory. I've been PMO since I was around 14. I am currently 28. I've been trying to do this PMO journey for years now with little success and countless relapses. Sometimes it seems like I can get hard just booting up some porn, sometimes multipe times a day. Other times I cant get it up for the life of me for days at a time (like today and yesterday). Most recently for the past few months I would successfully PMO every few days maybe a couple times each day when I did. Of course, this would make me think I was fine and gave me confidence to go through with the journey. I then went on 2.5 weeks of no PMO at all. Yesterday that streak ended with a PMO but it was awful....couldnt get it up at all, felt nothing, no libido at all....same thing today even though i forced the MO part of it with porn and basically a 20% erection. Is this the so called "flatline" that I was in and just tried to force something during a stage that is normal or am I wasting my time with this nofap and I am just a person with no hope? It seems like sometimes I can get that one erection that I force through testing with PMO that makes me think it is in fact all in my head and I need to go through the recovery process but then inevitably a week or two in I get discouraged and want to test (usually to failure) which sends me back into depression. I've had my Testosterone tested to be about 454. While this seems low for a male my age the doctor assured me this was normal and not "low-T". I almost never have morning erections (this holds true for years...basically since I was maybe 16?). Am I just switching between a chaser effect and the flatline for years now or is something actually wrong with me? I guess what I'm thinking is if there are moments that I can point to in the past(always with porn) where I had what I would consider a good erection that lasted until i O'd to Porn should I be worried about failures such as today/yesterday?

 

The story is true. I guess I am just trying to look back and have hope. I have been struggling with this for years now and I never seemed to be able to make it very long before I have this overwhelming desire to "test" myself to see if it works.....sometimes it did....many it didn't. More recently I seemed to be in a phase where I was more on the it works side which would lead me to binge some....sometimes 3-4 times a day where it would work. Obviously this made me feel really good and gave me the confidence to go through the journey where I would look at myself and go "SEE...its all in your head". Then about 2.5 weeks went by and I just woke up feeling more depressed than normal and my penis felt lifeless which inevitable led me to test...to really bad failure. This obviously sent me spiraling back into a depression and worrying and now I am back at the....I need to keep testing till it works a few times phase and then try to go the 90 days again. After 2.5 weeks was I just in a "flatline" that I was wholly unprepared for? I guess this would explain why I was having a "dead dick".