I need help and advice, I don’t want to be a bad person anymore.

At least you are here and trying to do better.
Read many posts on here and you will learn how to change. You may want to see a professional also.

 

Be honest with yourself, first. Only then can you be honest with your wife. There are a lot of really awesome husbands on here that will help you out

Good luck!

 

Just be honest with her, and yourself. She sounds like she loves you. Don’t continue to betray her with lies. The only way to heal your marriage and yourself is with complete honesty. Secrets have power.

 

Lying is the wingman of addiction.

Be rigorous to lie about nothing.

That will be hard; if not sure, expect what you say is a lie.

Getting sober here includes adding conscious thought to what is a knee jerk reaction leading to p use.

PA can lie about everything or just P and just to stay in practice.

 

You want to look for a CSAT counselor.
Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist.
She really needs to be seeing a therapist as well. There are a lot of therapist who really don't have a clue how to handle this kind of stuff. A CSAT has training to address this type of addicition and the betrayal it produces.
Yes, it will cost a lot of money. Its cheaper than divorce.
Yes, you are looking at 3-5 years to get your head screwed on straight. I mocked my therapist when he told me that. 5 years ago...
You are a husband and a dad. Time to man up and do this. Stay in the game.
Oh, and please do not do anymore disclosure until you read up on it and both of you get some guidance. The dribble / ad hoc /staggered disclosure is so incredibly damaging to your wife.
You are in a good place to get support and you'll need it. Please get the professional help you will also need.

 

I think you appreciate her and you may love some things about her but you don’t really love her. I know I’m not a man nor do I know you but I think it’s worth mentioning that I cheated on my previous boyfriend with seven different guys. I also developed my worst case of PMO in that relationships because 1) I wasn’t attracted to him and 2) despite how much he put up with me, he wasn’t very bright nor was he all that much to value in the first place. He was just someone I was comfortable with after I became obese (227 pounds). I was 16 when I met him and he was 22.

After a few years of growing up and losing weight (I lost 60 pounds—naturally) I broke up with him and found myself in love with someone I am both attracted to and interested in. I am trying to get rid of all the PMO damage I’ve acquired in the past because of my new relationship. I love my current boyfriend and I don’t want to lie to him.

 

Ultimately I think you feel guilty because you aren’t a bad person but you owe it to yourself to be honest about your desires.

I would never fuck another man in this relationship. The fact that you cheated tells me that you have unfulfillment.

 

Good place to start, with humility.

May we all reach as high or higher than those around us expect.

 

Then you have to be honest, it's really as simple as that (if you want her to fully heal).
Maybe read on betrayal trauma & PTSD from betrayal to kind of get an idea what she might go through/is going through. I know it helped me to learn as much as I could about my husband's addiction...
If you do find a CSAT, make sure you ask what kind of "addiction"/"trauma" model they follow. CSATs are great, but unfortunately not all are up-to-date on newer models that are "kinder" to the wife of an addict. For example, my husband's CSAT only followed the addict model, which treats the wife as a co-addict/co-dependent. This was a HUGE knock to me, as I wasn't a co anything. Instead of properly healing, I was left defending myself & my husband fully believed I was part of his addict problem. There was no full disclosure provided which has hindered my ability to heal. I'm much like your wife; still finding things out, on my own. I can't tell you what this has done to me. I gave this human 2 children & he doesn't have the decency to just be honest. The irony? Had he been 100% honest up front, I would have absolutely been less devastated as having to find out on my own. Disrespect at the highest level.

I think you have been carrying around shame for far too long, probably before you even met your wife. I believe you love her. Show her. Go grab a boombox & stand at her window

It's going to hurt & I hope it does....if it does, then you are human & you'll be taking a giant step into becoming a man.

 

Wouldn’t he have been unfulfilled because of the effects of the porn addiction? I believe you have a very juvenile view of real love and commitment.

 

Humility is freeing. It truly makes you view the world in brighter colors.

 

I agree...
OP was most likely "unfulfilled" in his overall life, prior to even meeting his spouse. One does not wake up one day & decide to cheat because their wife doesn't fulfill them. One cheats/lies because there is a much bigger underlying cause that compels them; trauma in their childhood, parent/child issues, learned behavior by observing adults, etc...

Glad you pointed this out

 

There was a very long reply that GhostWriter took the time to give you.
That was a gift. You didn't have to pay $150 for a counselor to tell you that.
You probably didnt like it because he spoke directly like a man.
The disclosure instructions. Did you read them? Here they are again in case you missed it.
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/simple-disclosure-vs-full-disclosure.201640/
You say you want to help you wife heal. By the way you are responding on here it's pretty clear you just want your pain and guilt to heal. If you really want to help her heal, follow the process!

This is so important!!! Do the work it takes for your wife to be safe in this process. I've blown it many many times. So have others on here. You asked for help. Be willing to learn from those who have offered to help on here.