I miss the light

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by SyrusDrake, Feb 19, 2017.

  1. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    Backstory tldr: Last summer, I confessed my feelings to my crush and friend but had to learn she has a boyfriend now. Long version here.
    We haven't seen each other since we got home from that field trip. Not because we're avoiding each other, just because we didn't have any classes together last semester.
    I've been doing okay the past months but for the past week or so, I suddenly seem to miss her again really badly. Today, the reason dawned on me. What I'm really missing is her warm light that brightens my dull, grey life. That feeling of joy when I'd see her the first time in the morning, just spending a lunch break with her and enjoying her company...Now that is all gone. Even if we had some classes together again this semester, those feelings wouldn't be the same because I know she is in a relationship now. She was for me like sunlight burning through thick winter fog in my mind. Ever since last summer, the eternal gray fog is back. Nothing to look forward to, no racing heart, no excitement, no little victories, nothing...just cold, damp fog.
     
  2. Rigel7

    Rigel7 Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry to hear that happened. Love can really make the world a brighter place. But as you know, the sun which gives light and warmth to our world is just one of the many stars out there in the universe. I think it was courageous of you to let her go. Take heart though that letting her go allows for someone else to become the light that shines in your heart.
     
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  3. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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  4. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    Out in space, there are things called "rogue planets". Their origins vary but some were probably ejected from a solar system at some point. They now drift aimlessly through endless space, frozen solid, with no star to give them light or warmth. Since galactic objects are functionally isolated, the chance of them even encountering a star, let alone entering orbit around one, is essentially zero.
    Yes, there are billions and billions of stars out there but rogue planets will probably never get close to one.
     
  5. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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  6. Protagonist

    Protagonist Fapstronaut

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    Maybe you should move on with your life and find another girl if you can.
     
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  7. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    Well, moving on is what I'm trying to do. But I can't really find another girl.
     
  8. Tony The Explorer

    Tony The Explorer Fapstronaut

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    quit fapping and you will. Beleive me when I say this: I had exactly the same problem you have only worse. She and her friends played a prank on me and I actually believed she loved me. I was fapping professionally at the time and had such a low self-esteem and no confidence. She abused this and later on it totally broke my heart when I found out she had a bf.....
    It´s part of becoming a man. to me the fact of stopping to fap means getting control of one´s life. that is what girls want to see in you. Somebody who can take care of himself has more potential of keeping the girl safe.
    Best wishes, peace. ;)
     
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  9. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    Well, I last masturbated in late October and my self esteem and confidence are still crap.
     
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  10. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I'm kind if in a similar situation, confessed my feelings to a girl I had a crush on for almost two years and she said she just wants to be friends. Its really hard to go anywhere from this point. Its like you hit a wall and theres no solution because you can't think about liking anyone else but the girl you have strong feelings for just isn't available. At least for me, it seems like theres only one girl I can ever love and its really hard to move on.

    Here is my advice and what I plan on doing, maybe this will be helpful to you. Im just going to keep being friends with my crush and expect nothing more. Im not getting my hopes up, but its not impossible that she will give me a chance at some point. I learned It is futile to put her on a pedestal and see her as being your whole world - thats a part of the problem. Just treat her like everyone else and move on with your life, talk to other girls. If you can do this, it will increase your chances of being able to have a chance with her again. In my way of thinking, continuing to dwell on these strong feelings will only push her farther away and not worrying about her as much will make you seem more appealing.

    Im still pretty inexperienced though lol. I just know that I cant keep longing for a girl who dosent like me back and that just because she said no once dosent mean we can never be together if circumstances change.
     
  11. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    This way of thinking is actually what made me start my journey of attempted self-improvement that eventually lead me to noFap as well. I figured I couldn't be a good friend to her if I'd remain obsessed with her. I didn't want to make her feel guilty or anything.
    But apparently see her again tomorrow for the first time since then. And I just feel so upset because I haven't managed to get over her and have achieved nothing. I failed her.

    Also, yea, I know what you mean. I too am convinced that this girl is the only one I could ever love like this and is also the only one who'd accept me for who I am.
     
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  12. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Its a tough situation, just continue self betterment no matter what. I found my troubles to start overshadowing my accomplishments and realized this would only undo my progress. Stay motivated and don't give up. Keep yourself busy. Its ok to still like her and its respectable to have sincere and noble intentions. Keep working on yourself dont lose hope and don't obssess over her. Good luck
     
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  13. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    I'm trying to keep going. Good luck to you too.
     
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  14. Tony The Explorer

    Tony The Explorer Fapstronaut

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    well, here´s what I think. The more you stay in the friend zone with your crush ( who has already ditched you) the more it will NOT help. what you need is healing and you won´t get it by staying passive. I don´t know what you do during your free time, but doing sports is a good solution to fight low self esteem or doing a lot of stuff with friends. Sometimes even being creative, like drawing for instance, can help or learning to play an instrument. This works because achieving a goal makes you proud of yourself. So what is really required during a period of depression and sadness is taking an initiative and doing something that will make you forget the pain and even enhance your willpower.

    Have you ever heard of the smiling trick? according to neuro-scientists your "smiling-muscles" around your mouth are directly linked to the nucleus accumbens, which is the responsible part of your brain for processing motivation and reward (in form of hormones).
    But what does this mean? Every time you smile and hold that smile for longer than 30 seconds (according to scientists) your brain will automatically start releasing endorphins and as a result you become more happy
    ----> Great start for boosting your selfconfidence

    Hope I could help, mate
    Peace ;)
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2017
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  15. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    [​IMG]

    I force myself to go to the gym twice a week. Aside from that, I'm not doing many productive things. I have a big Wacom tablet to draw and I like drawing but I'm usually feeling too lethargic to do anything that requires more than the minimum of brain activity.
     
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  16. Madafakaa

    Madafakaa Guest

    Sup man. Sounds like some serious infatuation going on. I've been there and it's brutal stuff when that person is out of your life, but, maybe it's time you re-evaluate your feelings for her? Do you have a crush on her or how she makes you feel? What would you do if she said "Syrus, I need you!" and then you got together and BAM! Still grey days. What would you do then?

    The reality is she's not perfect. She has her flaws, she poops, and she farts the same as the rest of us, which is good. It means she's human and in being human she has her own fair share amount of grey which she will bring into your life if you get together, which is also fine because love doesn't grow around sunshine 24/7. It grows when grey days are accepted and conquered. With that said I think you've put her on a pedestal and that's not fair to you or to her. She's not going to take away all of your grey/bad days. If anything she will bring new ones, so ask yourself if you've ever taken the time to appreciate that reality? If you haven't then your crush isn't really for her but a unrealistic fantasy of her.

    Whatever happens I wish you the best.
     
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  17. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    I understand that getting into a relationship would not magically fix all my problems. I don't expect that. On the other hand, I also find it naive to proclaim that having someone who loves you would have no effect on your mental well-being.

    I also know she's not perfect. She's human. But she's the only girl I've ever met who is similar to me. Who understands internet culture. Who is into nerdy things. And who would accept me for my weird likes and hobbies. She's the only girl I've ever met that made me feel like I wouldn't have to become a completely different human being for her to love me.
     
  18. m_brando

    m_brando Guest

    Crushes are the most intense when they're unrequited. By definition, once you have something, you can't desire it anymore. The Greeks called Eros a triangulation- yourself, the one you want, and the obstacle.

    Crushes can also feel safe if you are commitment-anxious. You are safe to idealize in an unrealistic way, get obsessed, dream valuable time away. And then when reality crashes on you and you don't get the ending you want, you just have to grieve it out, feel the feels and think about how she wasn't the appropriate place to dump your romantic affection. I like to refer to 500 Days of Summer. He starts reflecting and sees that she was always unavailable and most of the relationship was his projection. And then boom, a great woman comes along when he least expects it!
     
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  19. Tony The Explorer

    Tony The Explorer Fapstronaut

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    go to the gym more often then. or start tinder :p just kidding. I think you are having a good start and if you go out more than you do now (with friends) you wont feel that lonely anymore. ;)
     
  20. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    I don't like going out though. I much prefer spending time on my own.
     
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