I married before 10 days

Congrats on your marriage!

 

Here is my advice to you - take it or leave it.

Commit to quitting PMO for good. No relapse. No cheating. For good.
Focus your energy, your attention, your desire on your wife. If you are into Femdom then this should not be difficult for you, but your focus must be her pleasure, not your fetish. Massage her feet to make her feel good, not to make you feel good.
If you do not already know, then find out from her what she likes - both in terms of sex and in the rest of her life.
What does it take to make her happy? If it is a tidy house, a gift of flowers and a back massage then that is what she gets from you. If it is receiving cunnilingus, then that is what you do for her. If you make her feel happy, contented, honoured, respected and loved then she is more likely to feel like making love. For many women, vaginal penetration is not the ultimate sex experience that it is for some men so don't make it your focus or your goal. There are many other things you can do in a loving sexual relationship. Be the best husband you can be and see how your wife responds then.

ANH

 

I think you need to explore what you mean by 'vanilla sex is important for the marriage.'
I agree that love, selflessness and regular intimacy are all important for a marriage but why the emphasis on one particular form of sex? I assume by vanilla sex you mean 'penis in vagina' PIV sex. If your aim were to conceive children, then yes PIV is pretty important. Is it you who considers it important or your wife? Is it because you feel that in order to be the man you want to be you must be able to maintain a strong erection and fully penetrate your wife? Or is it that she considers this to be the 'right' way for a man and woman to make love?

I understand the addictive nature of fetishes but if you abstain from pornography and masturbation and focus on your wife you will soon find that you will not need other thoughts to become fully aroused. The female body is a wonderful thing and once you have recovered from your addiction the sight, feel, smell, sound and taste of her, coupled with the love you have for each other will be more than enough.

ANH

 

Hi turkishfetish,

I found your reply very encouraging. If both you and your wife are happy without PIV, then that should help you a great deal. If you focus unduly on being able to maintain an erection and PIV sex, then it can cause 'performance anxiety' and when a man is anxious, more often or not his erection will disappear. My advice is keep PIV off the agenda for now while you are in reboot. Treat sex with your wife as 'making love,' not 'having sex.' Explore every inch of her body and find a dozen ways to make her feel good and then a dozen more. Put her needs first. Make your goal giving her a wonderful, unforgettable time and as many Os as she wants. Make your own orgasms optional. She may want to reciprocate and bring you to O but try having at least one love making time when she gets to O and you don't. After her O, cuddle and lie next to her. Tell her you love her and this time you are happy it is just about her and you don't need to O.

Keep away from the P at all costs and avoid feeding your fetishes. Under no circumstances MO. Over time, as the reboot process works its magic, your ED should cure itself. Your brain will find your wife more sexy than any leather-clad dom ever was. Then you should be able to introduce PIV as part of your love making when it happens naturally (still NOT as the end goal). Then baby-making can commence!

Personally I would keep off the ED pills but as I have never taken them, I don't really feel in a position to comment. Others may have a view as to whether it is likely to help or just distract you from addressing the psychological problem that is PIED.

Anyway, good luck to you. Be proud of your 26 day streak. Keep focusing on your wonderful new wife and all will be well in the end.

ANH

 

Congrats on your marriage! And just be patient!

 

Congratulations on reaching a whole month without PMO. I hope things are going well with your wife and you are able to enjoy your love-making together.
ANH

 

How is it going? You haven't posted for a week or so. I hope things are progressing the way that you want.
ANH

 

One relapse won't undo all your good work, but don't let yourself slide back into old ways. Start building that streak again.
Glad your relationship with your wife is good. Protecting and strengthening it should be a big part of your motivation.
Good luck.

ANH