I just relapsed and I feel miserable!

Discussion in 'Reset and Relapse Reports' started by pAyTM21, Nov 18, 2018.

  1. pAyTM21

    pAyTM21 Fapstronaut

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    After a full week of nofap I gave in and now I feel so disgusted with myself. I know I'm way better than this. How can a condition get the better of me? SMH. Time to start over
     
    James09 likes this.
  2. jarias

    jarias New Fapstronaut

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    I did too, let's start all over bro
     
    pAyTM21 likes this.
  3. Mr.geek

    Mr.geek New Fapstronaut

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    hello guys, I am new here... this UI is a bit confusing and I have been asked to join a team. I would like to be a part of your team. shall we win over this evil life together ?
     
    Definitelyhenry and pAyTM21 like this.
  4. pAyTM21

    pAyTM21 Fapstronaut

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    I agree! I'm able to accept defeat and learn from it far better today than before. Today is day #1 so let's make it #2 #3 #4 etc etc. I'm with you and each who wants to defeat this hurtful condition of pornography!
     
    Definitelyhenry and James09 like this.
  5. pAyTM21

    pAyTM21 Fapstronaut

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    I'm also new here and trying to understand how to use this site. Yes let's defeat this evil! I'm 100% in on this group involvement. Let's help each other.
     
    dr. poopie doopie likes this.
  6. Man08

    Man08 Fapstronaut

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    It happened to me many times and I always found myself listening to my mind saying that now I can M again and again because it does not matter anymore, the mistake was made, the pain was back, so I needed relief, what wrong I could do if I M again.Now, listen my humble advice, don't.Use those feelings you feel to associate them with how harmful is to M and to watch P, your mind needs to understand and now is the best time.One more thing, let the pain flow through your body, don't fight back, you can't do nothing, this will make you much more powerful for the next temptation, because, if you give in, you get weaker and weaker.

    Now, what I found and I am sharing this with all of you, it's not enough to stop from M and P, we have to change our behavior too.Let me give you an example, when I abstain, I waste my time at computer doing absolutely nothing, just browsing with no real purpose, this is how my mind tricks me and slows me down, this creates anxiety, which in turn, makes my mind to crave for peace, in special for that temporary peace you get when you M, so, I try, as much as I can to stop wasting my time at computer, I chose to read a book, this is just a start.You also need to be careful at what your mind craves for, it may be junk food, junk juice, cakes, coffee, caffeine, promising that you will feel good, don't fall for its tricks!!

    A battle was lost but the war is still in your hands to be decided, don't give up, keep fighting back!
     
    Brainstorm1729 and 4:44am like this.
  7. Estel

    Estel Fapstronaut

    Sup. Expert in giving in to Porn here.
    I'm joining your group.
    I Made many attempts before.
    I do believe I can do this, but yes, it is fckinHard.
    Let's do this together.
    This is post #1.
    Let's comeback here eveyday for a quick follow up.
    See ya
     
    4:44am likes this.
  8. pAyTM21

    pAyTM21 Fapstronaut

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    So far so good! My vacation has come to an end and I'll do my very best to be here as often as I can. I'm appreciative of the replies because these messages give me peace. Its true! I know we are far better than this condition so by helping and lifting each other up we will achieve! Let's challenge ourselves by accountability, we are adults here and we can use humbling acts to grow out of Masturbation and defeat what seems unbeatable. What do you say friends?
     
    4:44am and Estel like this.
  9. Estel

    Estel Fapstronaut

    I've tried group meetings in person once and it really did help. I would still be going but the problem is that this addiction isn't well known and there practicaly no group about porn/or gap in general. There is the sexual anonymous, but I never tried it because I feel like it really isn't the same. Though maybe it would still help.
    Even in the group meetings, it wasn't obvious what to gain from the meetings. Really, what I took out from the meetings was to be able to speak about it, which is lifting weight from this heavy secret. But also, to recognise that others have the same distress. We all struggle so much. And we share a lot of patterns together, but interestingly, we all have kinda different roots in our problem. For some it was social anxiety, for some it was work and family stress. For me, very briefly, it's a bit about everyday's stress, but also about boredom and life meaning, even though I have friends family and love. I never seem to strongly "want" to do something. You can see how the porn infiltrates me. Though it isn't clear if I lack focus in life or the overuse of porn for many years changed me. But I know this can be reverse.
    So yes, let's challenge each other to come back here and give an update frequently.
    See ya!
     
    4:44am likes this.
  10. TheloniousPunk007

    TheloniousPunk007 Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys.... I'm new here, just relapsed (again) and feel horrible. I need to get past this. I'm leaving on a trip to Europe Friday, and I'm hoping to use that as a kind of ceremonial turning point. I'll be a stronger, more disciplined, more focused me during the trip and after. If I relapse again I can see myself sinking into a deep depression...

    We can do this, guys...
     
    4:44am likes this.
  11. Estel

    Estel Fapstronaut


    Hey. Enjoy the moment over there, forget the porn addiction. It doesn't define you.
    Just promess to come back here if even if you relapse. We will help to keep you going.
    And lets give you an homework during the trip. Come back on this thread to give us an idea on which trigger made you fall and give us a plan on your next steps to overcome this.
    Chrs
     
  12. Estel

    Estel Fapstronaut

    Today was a good day.
    Work was meh, but I enjoy my actual situation.
    Tonight I took time to cook.
    Finding motivation anywhere is a good thing.
    So far I don't have urges.
    How about you.
     
    4:44am likes this.
  13. 4:44am

    4:44am Fapstronaut

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    I feel miserable, ashamed and helpless. I've got to start all over
     
  14. ReclaimingControl80

    ReclaimingControl80 Fapstronaut

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    Estel likes this.
  15. Estel

    Estel Fapstronaut

    Start here then. We're all in this together. Hang on.
    What happened ? Did you go to bed at 4:44am??!
    Man that happened for me, I went to bed so late sometimes cuz of porn. I know the feeling of Shane and helplessness.
    What's your story then?
     
    4:44am likes this.
  16. Estel

    Estel Fapstronaut

    All aboard?

    Who's there.

    Relapsers are.... Still welcome.
     
  17. IWantToChange:')

    IWantToChange:') Fapstronaut

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    I'M IN :) (I'm only at day 1 by the way, not 113.)
     
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  18. 4:44am

    4:44am Fapstronaut

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    It's day 2 for me rn, 24 hours with PMO... I feel like i might exploded without it. I started watching porn at 12, and masturbating at 13. I'm 19 now. the longest I've gone without PMO was 23 days, some time in 2016. Gosh, it was terribly hard and i didn't have any support then. But I've got that now. and i think i can cross it this time. Thanks guys.

    And about my name, yea i do go to bed extremely late because i used to watch porn, 4:44am just 15 minutes after an orgasm, I made the decision to join NoFap. lol. How about you, What's your story?

    I'll check back everyday to update you all, and maybe share my story if anybody is interested.

    Good Job guys! we're all in this together
     
    Estel likes this.
  19. Estel

    Estel Fapstronaut

    Man I started around 12 I guess.
    I'm 29. I watched Porn occasionally during teenage years. I guess it worsen when I started living on my own at university. More often, longer, etc. But really the last 4-5 years it worsen. I started dating and started to felt bad about it. I always knew I had to stop or at least do it less often. But with a gf, I wanted to stop. But the more I tried, the worse it got. It's a bit paradoxical in a way. So I got to the point where WHEN an opportunity arrose, I was triggered. And when I did have the time to consume porn, it was like I was in survival, so I would try to watch everything and that got me to escalate in too worse kind of porn and things that brought guilt afterward. That's the worse part for me. I crossed some lines I wish I didnt.
    In the last 2-3 years I've taken a couple of steps to help myself and some of them are starting to bear fruits. I've been meeting with a counselor in and out for the last 1-2 year. I confessed a few times with my gf and now I'm up to date, meaning she knows the last times I went on porn. I don't share all details, cause I'm ashamed. But I confessed the big parts and I use the counselor to help me deal with the worse part. I also recently confessed to another of my friend.
    I've used so many tricks to change, porn lockers, list of motivation, hard schedule, no internet, no wifi pass, list of actions to do when in urge, etc. All didn't work and some were bad cause it would create a bigger craving when I would find a way. That's when I started watching on school computers in empty labs at university.. hiding ethernet cables at home, etc.

    What worked, or feels like it's working.
    Deep réflexion on why I like to do in life. Discussion with my sexologist, I also consulted with 2 career orientors. I changed careers 2 times to find a job and a work environment satisfying enough so I would feel free at home to enjoy my time. When I was student was the worst. You have no schedule. You have work to do, but no direction on how to do it. So your day pass and you feel you weren't productive. So at night, you're not on relax time. You never are. And that leads to procrastination and that's a big gateway to porn in my case.
    Now I'm learning to enjoy myself, choose my activities, I learn to read myself. I do headspace meditation for one (practicing mindfulness) and I try to identify my own real interest. One big problem I had is I never was able to choose what I like. That's a reason why porn was so deep in me. Everything less interesting than that since I don't really know what I like in general. I always choose my life paths on opportunities, instead of choice or objective.

    Anyway that might have been a long post but that was my story.
    And now I'm trying nofap and so far I like it. I'll try to stick to it and come back regularly.
     
    4:44am likes this.
  20. Phoenix_Strong

    Phoenix_Strong Fapstronaut

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    yo guys, wut up!! kapharnaeum my story is almost similar to yours, just, i can't tell my GF and i have no sexologist, so i respect you for the huge step you took. i'll try to come back here and write on a daily basis, just a quick update.
    shot out to the bros in here struggling with this fucking disease. keep up the good fight, and god bless, and please if you feel like relapsing, don't, and if you want o, just write me, i'll respond as quick as i can to stop you. peace!!
     
    4:44am and Estel like this.

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