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I hate seeing attractive single women at church.

A group for members of all religions, or no religion at all, to talk about religion

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  1. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    I mean its not that I actually "hate" it, but more like annoyed by it because I don't consider my church my dating pool. For the similar reasons you don't date someone from your work.

    At the same time, it's also a great place to meet your prospective life partner if she is also a bonafied believer like yourself.

    I hate thinking about that person when I'm getting ready for church and trying to consciously dress a certain way to possibly appeal to her, to me that's just not cool because I'm there mainly to learn scripture and hear the word. At the same time I can't just shut off these God-given healthy desires.
     
  2. GigglingTrout

    GigglingTrout Fapstronaut

    It's a distraction, and I don't like it either. I don't even really talk to them anymore (unless they approach me), and I just go for the message.

    I want church to be a place to relax and enjoy God's presence, and to be free of my typical Oh-Hey-She's-Cute mindset.
     
  3. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    There has to be a point where you need to control yourselves and your thoughts. This thread is starting to sound like a girl’s getting blamed for just being cute, and honestly it’s a way of thinking that I hate. If she goes to church modestly-dressed, then fine on her; talk to her if you wish, but she’s at a place where she feels she wants to be at.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2017
  4. PornFreeMe

    PornFreeMe Fapstronaut

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    There are beautiful single women everywhere. This entire generation of young men is crippled by porn addiction. We escape from reality and from our troubles and leave potential suitors in limbo, wandering through this world alone. I know I've left countless potential girlfriends in the dust. Ive passed up so many glances, so many interesting looks in my 20s as I battled severe porn addiction and depression.

    I could be mistaken, but I feel that women internalize this loneliness even harder than we do. We need to get our shit together for ourselves and for them. It's a sin to let beautiful, intelligent, lovely young women go through this world alone feeling unloved and spurned.

    I can still see all their beautiful faces; their longing eyes, eyes that almost said, "Why aren't you saying hi, aren't I good enough?" If I could go back in time, I'd rewrite every single one of those wrongs with an additional day of no PMO. We're selfish and we aren't the only ones that pay- they pay, too.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2017
  5. Estus

    Estus Banned

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    You going out wanting to get attention like a woman.

    She's supposed to appeal to you boy.

    aren't you a Calvanist?

    Get yourself a KJV and read on your own.

    You don't need a priest that probably ordains gay marriages to disseminate the bible for you.
     
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  6. TheLoneDanger

    TheLoneDanger Fapstronaut

    I don’t think this is his intention. We can’t automatically assume that someone who voices the frustrations of their own vices is somehow blaming anyone other than himself.

    The reason I say that is because I can relate to what he’s saying. When I was younger and unmarried, whenever I would see a very attractive female in church or any extremely professional setting for that matter, it would definitely catch my attention but I would also feel shame for having these thoughts in what I consider an inappropriate place for it. It’s kind of a push-pull on the mind, if you will. Am I not a man that can acknowledge beauty for what it is, or is it just my fault for thinking this way in such an environment?
     
  7. Why dont you just strike up a conversation with her?
     
  8. DarkwingDuck

    DarkwingDuck Fapstronaut

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    I disagree with the idea that the church is not a good pool. On the contrary, it should be reassuring to indicate that you hold similar religious beliefs, which will lower potential conflicts and ideally strengthen your spiritual life.
     
  9. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man that's totally it! All these daggone cute women! Now I see the wisdom of putting women in full on burkas and Sharia law.
     
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  10. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    Nunnery works too, plus I hear they put on musicals :)
     
  11. Man this is the worst. I feel the exact same way every time. Hundreds of thoughts about her without even saying a single word to her, meanwhile trying to tune into what God is trying to say to me.
     
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  12. I understand what you mean. I think it's good, before getting in a relationship, to get to a point in which you feel like God is enough and you don't *need* a partner. Even if you still really want a partner, it's good to feel secure enough in your relationship with yourself and with Jesus that your desire for a relationship doesnt become an idol.

    But at the same time, God loves love and He loves marriage. I don't think He would be upset with you for being excited to see a special lady at church. Of course that shouldn't be the reason you're going, but it doesn't sound like it is. It's just a happy benefit.

    And hey, even if it is the reason you're going, God can still use that and you can still grow. My husband came to know Jesus because he started going to youth group because he liked a girl, and her dad said they could only hang out at church. And because he is polite, he listened respectfully, and he saw the truth in what was being taught and accepted Jesus.

    I wouldn't worry too much about it, because it sounds like you have a healthy perspective already. But I can understand how that can be a difficult distraction. A couple quotes I love...

    "Stop trying to look for the right person and start trying to be the right person."

    "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man should have to seek Him to find her."

    You can swap the genders on that last one, and it still stands. If you are devoted to God and using your time at church to be with Him and to better yourself, good women of God will see that and will be attracted to that.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 12, 2017
  13. I definitely agree with this. I honestly feel like one of the main reasons God led me to the church I'm at now was, initially, to meet more people my age, because I felt a bit hopeless in that department in my previous circumstances. And I don't think it's a coincidence that the very first man I met there later became my husband.

    But I do understand how it can be a distraction as well, which can be frustrating.

    Also, it's good to remember that women and men are capable of being good friends and learning from each other and growing with each other. I really don't like the way many religious places always try to segregate the genders all the time. I don't think that's healthy. What's healthy is learning how to see a person of the opposite sex as a beautiful child of God, not an object for your pleasure or a cute girl for you to flirt with (although there's nothing inherently wrong with the latter, but it's not always appropriate in every situation of course).
     
  14. Wow... That's a bold statement. Completely disagree on that one. Men are hot too, but I don't think they need to cover themselves up because I can't learn to control my thoughts.
     
  15. I went to a Brazilian church one time because my friend invited my and another to a church party. At the church we saw these gorgeous Brazilian girls and all my friend could do is lose his composure and drool all over the place. Finally I went to her and introduced my friend and I to her because he sure wasn't going to approach her and I myself wasn't interested. Although we still got the unfortunate news that she had a boyfriend, it was still better than just staring at her lustfully.

    My advice is to go through the father if you're really interested. This way, you'll also know her family values before you meet her. Introduce yourself, demonstrate your morals, and be truthful. You're probably never to get "lucky", but you'd be doing what's right in god's eyes if that's what you're concerned about. The whole reason people go to Church is mingle.
     
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  16. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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  17. I'm pretty sure he was joking around, lol.
     
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  18. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    I took it as a joke also (yes, yes, I took a joke; truly surprising), but if he was serious with the aforementioned statement. Control the thoughts!
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2017
  19. Obviously I understand it was a half-joke, but I think it was also half serious.
     
  20. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    No, I wasn't being serious, I don't have that mohammedan mindset.
     
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