1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

I hate my situation because I'm gay with PIED.

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Anonymous86, Oct 18, 2016.

  1. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

    2,817
    838
    113
    How am I suppose to rewire at all if I'm gay and I am not a LGBT club/bar person? Don't the dating websites encourage the stupid seeking and searching relapse? How are you suppose to avoid that? This seems practically impossible. I don't want to do escorts or prostitution because it's not for me.
     
    airbus350 likes this.
  2. Captain Average

    Captain Average Fapstronaut

    64
    47
    18
    Hey buddy. I'm no expert on the topic, but what does seem logical is taking a break from the whole ordeal at first. Do hard mode and just don't think about anything sexual. Once you've done a certain number of days, then try and dwell into finding partners. Or even better you could try going to events that would help you find someone. But before any of that, focus on doing the 60/90 days. It'll help a lot.
     
  3. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

    2,817
    838
    113
    I tried hard mode and failed. I can't get my mind off sex. It's so hard to do because I've conditioned myself for years to be focused on sex. Do you have any helpful advice? I think it's because of my environmental factors of lacking independence and being home near the PC so much. I've decided to start driving lessons so that may help.

    I binged seeking and searching yesterday. I violated the hard mode. What I will say is a good thing is that I haven't masturbated to porn since early September! So I gotta give myself credit on that.

    Would making new friends in real life help more? Something I lack is that, which is sad if you think about it.
     
  4. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

    1,423
    1,338
    143
    Yes, this will help you totally !!

    PMO has much to do with running away from social contacts, thus escaping criticism and avoiding to ask for help or to demand something from others.

    You should really learn to maintain social contacts and see them as an integral part of human life.
    Really organize contacts, and go actively towards people. Appreciate the people around you, and don't see them as something random, casual and unimportant.
     
  5. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

    2,817
    838
    113
    Thanks. Also, I am on a low-dose of Zoloft and that's helping me. It shouldn't harm my reboot, right? I know there's something about PSSD. I was on Zoloft before and it never harmed my libido.

    I just need to keep my mind off sex and focus more on friendships. I have social anxiety so it's hard. I am also what I believe in a flatline.
     
  6. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

    1,423
    1,338
    143
    Zoloft will help you to be more stable, and it will avoid you from going into very dark periods.

    But it is more important to work on your anxiety. Face your fears, jump into the cold water, and actively maintain social contacts.
    Once you really do, you will change. Your anxiety/depressions will go away. The key is to make decisions and to take responsibility.

    Don't always wait for others - become active yourself and take your life into your own hands.
    Once you do, you will become a happy self-determined human. You will have no anxiety & depressions, and you won't need the drugs anymore.
     
  7. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

    2,817
    838
    113
    I have a computer addiction and my life outside is only work and psychotherapy. I need to expand that and the first thing I will try and accomplish is getting my driver's license (despite my extreme anxiety with that).

    I also have anxiety meeting new people.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2016
  8. Trey34

    Trey34 Fapstronaut

    7
    2
    3
    First of all yes, you absolutely have to give yourself credit for not watching porn since sept!

    Now to comment on your post. I think that attempting to take a period of time off of ALL sex is absolutely a great (and necessary) idea. In my own personal, non-professional opinion, I would guess that there are some underlying issues causing the sexual compulsion, and these should be addressed with a mental health professional. In my own personal experience, it is hard to overcome compulsions without dealing with the underlying stuff that is causing them. I am also gay, and I have seen a lot of "issues" and addiction in the LGBT community (and in myself). It is hard to grow up LGBT, and we come out with some issues.

    I found that SSRIs (like Zoloft) really helped me feel less compulsive about sex, so I think it is good that you are on it. I also found that getting rid of ALL dating/hookup apps takes away a lot of the temptation to hookup and helped me feel a lot better about myself! It's really easy to get caught up in the dating apps, and the excitement of sex (or love) possibilities causes a dopamine response in our brain as well. On the contrary, I also found that the apps can bring a lot of feelings of judgement and rejection. This is not what you need while you are trying to work on yourself. You will likely feel lonely and empty without all of the stimulation that the apps and sex brings but you will get through it and be stronger.

    Lastly, IMO, you have to take a lot of time off of dating and hooking up to feel better. I'm talking several months or even years. I found that when I took all of my energy away from searching for hookups and dates, I was able to put the energy into building better friendships. Friendships are so important! Many of my friendships are current or past coworkers. A few friendships are people that I've known for a long time but didn't make any effort to connect with since I was always busy searching for a partner or sex.

    We are all here for you. Feel free to reach out when you need us.
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2016
    moonshapedpool likes this.
  9. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

    2,817
    838
    113
    I think I relapsed yesterday. I was able to masturbate without porn last night, but I had to focus really hard on mental images. It didn't come naturally with touch sensation or libido (mine is dead). Is this still a symptom of something possible with PIED/flatline?

    It was a big no-no, but I managed. I probably count this as a relapse as I was 47 days clean. So stupid of me. I just gotta move on.
     
  10. Trey34

    Trey34 Fapstronaut

    7
    2
    3
    Sounds to me like some flatline symptoms, your brain and body are still recovering. You made it very far! Just don't let this discourage you and don't give up. The fact that you made it 47 days means you can succeed
     
  11. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

    2,817
    838
    113
    What does it mean if my penis flatlines after masturbation? Because if I'm in a flatline, it's definitely not from abstaining from porn.
     
  12. Trey34

    Trey34 Fapstronaut

    7
    2
    3
    It sounds like a symptom of your brain recovering and adjusting to not watching P, and not having the flood of dopamine that P causes.
     
  13. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

    2,817
    838
    113
    I think my mental fantasizing is the hardest part to overcome. Anyone here have advice on straying away from mental fantasy so it becomes 2nd nature not to?

    Because I struggle with that. A lot.

    Does it sound like I conditioned myself and trained my mind to think sexually for many years and that's why I'm struggling with these reboots?
     
  14. mnunez9

    mnunez9 Fapstronaut

    51
    42
    18
    I think that the fact that you aren't a club person or bar enthusiast should help you reboot since you don't have the constant pressure of hooking up or having sex. Websites can foster hook up culture, but there are sites that can also work to connect people platonically if people are looking for that (this website is a prime example of that.) Yea, don't do escorts or prostitutes. You have little to gain (other than venereal diseases) and theres no need to waste time and money on that.

    I think you should just calmly go about rebooting. You don't have to go to clubs and tell people you are quitting porn, nor do you have to broadcast it on okcupid or other dating/social media sites (in fact, I think you would be better off unplugging from both.) Just reboot, wait 9 months without masturbation, porn and orgasm and take it from there. Its not easy, and I get that as I am also going through it. However, throwing our hands in the air accomplishes very little and we should try to stay focused, committed and positive.

    Good luck.

     
  15. Don't beat yourself over a relapse--it happens. Get rid of the computer or put porn-blocking software on it.

    You gotta interact with people--it will help. Try volunteer work, something yo are interested in. Good way to meet new people and interact without a lot of pressure.

    If you e conditioned yourself to think about sex constantly you can condition yourself to think about something else.
     

Share This Page