I get girls but I can't hold them for long

Girls will stay with you if they feel loved, secured and safe.

To give them those things: you need to start giving yourself those things first.

But if you don’t love yourself and you are looking to take from girls what you are lackig inside yourself, then all ur relationship will finish out badly. Just look left and right: this is why so mamy people „split”. Because None of them love themselves and they look for a relationship to patch their internal hole and numb their pain.

 

call them, hang out with them and stay busy

 

Soooo.... when you're just not that into a girl, so you stop seeing her.
I fail to see a problem here. Sounds like you're ahead of 95% of the guys here.

Or are you trying to say you wish you'd treat all women as if they're so far above you that you have to treat every one of them like a water jug in a desert? (with desperation)

Contrary to prevailing belief here, a woman is not worth her weight in gold merely by virtue of having boobs and a vagina.

 

tupac was desperate as fuck too for the girls and they denied him, because he is too nice, when he was 19

 

Hey look man I am 16 lasted with a girl for 6 months then I just lost feeling for her. It happens I wouldnt worry about it but look at it this way people live to 40 yrs old at least. You you're not even half that I am not either but I just decided that I need to let the girls to come to me first and when they do then I can talk to them otherwise I need to leave them alone but if you can tll me what you need advice on that would be great. I might be able to help.

 

Man, that is an excellent point. Thanks for sharing.

 

I was going to reply to this but then I read this post and.... pretty much spot on. No need to say more.

 

Thanks I will remember this. I'm almost at 30 days no pmo and I desire a relationship. But I understand that in order to make it work, I can't be addicted to PMO. I can't bring something unholy, myself and mix it with something holy, the girl I like. That will lead to destruction and impure and pure create an impure substance. I can't let that happen. I have to fix myself first which I'm doing!

 

I know that. I don't love or appreciate myself because i'm a PmO addict. You can't fully love yourself if you are a PMO addict. I think you misinterpreted what i said

But cool name. WAKANDA FOREVER

 

Love is something to be felt, never something to be said. If somebody has to tell you that they love you but you dont feel it, then it means that they dont.

Sadly, this is where a lot of the people
of this word fit in today: especially addicts and their parents. What is even more common is to be broght up by hate, rejection, arguments.... and be told that they love us. This happened to me. I was brought up being hated from childhoood and then carried on hating myself and the world when being an adult... all along thinking that hate is love and love is hate.

So the chances are, that the feelings that you are feeling towards yourself, the world and other people are the same feelings that were felt towards you at your home by your parents. If you dont love yourself, then most likely you never ever felt truly loved at home...... and this is why you developed your adiction, to protect you from freelings of not being loved.

So it is the other way around to what you currently think, addiction always comes as a result of not being loved in the first place: to take away the pain associated with being hated, judged, rejected, emotionally abandoned, ingnorred by our primary care givers. Strangely enough, a lot of addicts see their parents as normal or loving, only some as abusive. So you need to stop, wake up and open your eyes to what you are truly seeing and experiencing. Just like in a Martix movie. Do you want to see the truth, or do u want to continue to believe in the illusion that you have bought into .... that you were loved as a child and you lost the ability to feel self love as a result of your addiction? Because it is never this way round. Trust me.

You can start changing things by firstly becoming self aware of the feelings you are feeling inside yourself, towards other people and your parents and start calling them by their proper name. So call hate by the name hate, dislike by the name dislike and allow those feelings to be... without runing away from them or judging yourself as negative because you are feeling them.


You also need to expose yourself to loving people inorder to tune in to the loving vibrations over time. There is not that many of them around so you truly have to look. Make an intention in your heart that you want to learn how to become self loving and the universe will guide you. You would need to follow your intuition and go where it is taking you though.

We become what we are constantly exposed to. So for example, if all you do is watch news and TV programs , you will be constantly bombarding yourself with a lot of hate and drama or violence that is programming you in the same way porn is. You need to remove yourself from that direct line of programming by stopping PMO, stopping news and violent movies and instead start looking for love and expose yourself to it when you find it. This normally means learning to be in silence because love is found in nature, in hearts that are peaceful and tuned in with the body and the worldly vibrations.

If you want to learn how to love, make and intention in your heart that this is what you want to become and follow your intuition in order to expose yourself to love on the outside. Not to take it, but with the intention to learn how to.... But most importantly, you need to look for it on the inside of yourself. Because only by going through all the other emotions freely that are blocking the flow of love in your heart, you will be able to make it to the love that is deeply burried inside yourself.
And when you succeed at becoming self loving, trust me, you will start attracting loving people into your life. You will give out of your own love, they will give out of their love and.... then you will share love together and live in abundance and happiness.

The best method for getting in touch with once feelings and the love that is inside ourselves that I have found.... is constelation therapy. So maybe it is something you could consider too. Let your intuition guide you.

 

You have wisdom Faith. Thank you. Hope to meet you someday somewhere sometime, if not on this earth then in Heaven

 

And one more thing. Please stop thinking of the girls as holy and of yourself as unholy and broken needing fixing. Thinking like this is what creates destruction in your life. The girls are as holly as you are.... this means that the girls and you are equaly valued human beings. If you bring your set of problems to the table, they will bring their set of problems to the table.... Hovewer only when you learn to value and see yourself as equaly holly/human to the girl, you will be able to deal with your problems and hers alike. Most abusers see the other party as “bad” or worst than them and most idealisers see the other party as better than them; the downside of idealising others is that you place yourself in a doormat position feeling worst than others and as a result allowing the whole world to walk on you...or ignore you. You have to stop that.

How you see yourself is paramount and it is a template for all your interactions with this world. You can’t achieve anything from placing yourself below others. You can only ever make a difference if you see yourself as good as .....

You also don’t need fixing! You are ok as you are and you are not dirty or broken for having an addiction. All you need is to learn how to love and accept yourself and all the other problems in your life will start resolving themselves. This means loving and accepting your addiction, your shadow desires, “impure thoughts”. It means learning to love everything about yourself: how you dress, what food you eat, how you spend your time, how you interact with yourself and with other people, what energy you bring into the room, do you do the job you love or the job you hate? Do you follow your life’s purpose? What do you give to the world? This is important question to ask yourself. How are you contributing to this world now and how would you like to contribute to it in the future. What do you want your legacy to be... that of love and aliveness or of somome who feels dirty, broken?

You start by loving all the things about yourself that at this very moment in your life you hate about yourself. So make a honest list of everything you hate about yourself that you think need fixing...... then you will realise the full extend of how unloving and how rejecting towards yourself you are. When I did it few years ago.... there was not a single thing I could think of that I truly loved about myself..... So you can only improve by looking at the full extent of your current day reality without any negative judgment. Only then you will be able to start making conscious decisions to start loving parts of yourself followed by eventually loving and accepting all of yourself.

So if you make this list, don’t fall into thinking: “shit, I am so screwed up”. Just see it as a realisation of how loving or not your heart currently is and use it to decid who do you what to become in the future. Do you want to stay as you are right now: thinking you are broken and unholy or do you want to realise that you are self loving and whole and start seeing yourself as equaly valued alongside other human beings? You are the same as every other human being on this planet and this means that you deserve all the good stuff equaly to other people. All human beings are equally respected, valued and loved, the only thing that differs them is their level of conciousness, self awarness or awaking. Are you able to become consciously aware of the patterns that you have been uncontiously repeating and recreating in your life .... do you have the currage to “own up”to all the “bad” stuff you are creating on the daily basis by all the negative thoughts you think about yourself? Can you own up to all of it and start loving yourself regardless and as a result change the way you see the world, yourself and change your destiny?

You can achieve everything you believe you can so it is important to start dreaming today, of who do you want to become. Then you keep that image of the new you with you all the time.... as it will only become reality if it is real in your imagination. So imagine
every detail of it. Don’t focus on what you don’t want, only focus’s on what you do want. Don’t focus on what you hate about yourself, start focusing on who you are becoming and on what can you love about yourself. Then you will start creating a lot of good stuff in your life for real. Because you create what you focus on.

 

@HopeFaith
I just reread what you wrote and it brought a tearful smile to my face. Thank you! Wow!! You really poured out your heart and gave great wisdom and hope