I Feel That There's No Hope for Me and I'm at The End of My Rope

So, you have never had constant depression, just the occasional blues. Why? Apparently, because of the fact that you are a teenager and you are still a virgin, never had a girlfriend, not even a first kiss. You haven't even completed your emotional development and you think there is no hope for you! Ironically, you are extremely against prescription drugs but not recreational drugs.

Well, why not look at what you do have. You have reasonable health (I assume) and you have had great success with stopping masturbation and pornography. Five months is a seriously long period of abstinence. So, what benefits did you experience when you rebooted and continued to refrain from your former addiction. The fact that you have returned it a bit, does that suggest to you that these were isolated aberrations or that you are back in the sway of your addiction? Whatever helped you to have such good success in the past will surely help you again.

 

That sounds good and you will experience that again soon, no doubt.

But if the benefits seized after 3 months, that would suggest to me that you did not complete the reboot. Perhaps you started to fantasise about naked girls, sex and/or indulged in edging. If so, these actions would have exacerbated your inclination to relapse.

As far as what caused the addiction in the first place, it was likely exposure to porn and opportunity to access it freely without supervision for long periods of time. Do you recall what age you started looking at porn? Because addiction can kick in pretty quickly.

 

Do you put yourself out there? Do you approach women (assuming you are straight)? Just curious. How do you deal with rejection? Are you under pressure to "get laid?" You're really young. It takes some of us a while to get it. I'm 45 and I'm just now getting it. I only wish I could go back. Some of us need some major reprogramming. We can get so wrapped up in seeking what society has made us to believe is what we want for ourselves. Be yourself and go after what you want, regardless of the consequences. Rejection is irrelevant. You need to get rejected. You'll eventually laugh at yourself. You're a virgin. So what. Don't let that keep you from being yourself. Be honest about what you want and convey that to who you want it from. Just my two cents. I could be totally off base. And weed is great. Just don't smoke all the time and sit around and play video games and eat doritos all day. You need to be out there and be focused on what you're trying to do.

 

I'd recommend talking to a doctor about it dude, just say you're feeling really depressed (you are) and have been abusing drugs to mask your suffering. I understand what you're feeling since I felt that way basically my whole life (the drug abuse part too) before I got on anti-depresssants and started nofap. There's no shame in using pharmaceuticals to get better.

 

You're right, although research (read yourbrainonporn.com) suggests that it can take a significantly shorter period of time to reboot than the time you were masturbating for. The recommended reboot period in 90 days, although this is only a rough estimate and is directed towards older guys. If you started masturbating and/or using porn in your adolescence/ teens it will most likely take you much longer than 90 days to reboot. An improved estimate would be 6 months to reboot, but bear in mind it could even take up to a year. Yet comparatively, one year is a relatively short period of time (compared to six years).

 

Where have you heard that prescription medication causes brain damage? Source please!

 

Ok. To be completely honest... sounds like maybe renewed perspective about a few things would be healthy. Secondly... I have been where you sit. I was a virgin until age 27 and today at 49 I wish I had waited. I can share more later... about head to work.
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I had grown to believe my virginity was a plague and by the the time was 27 P had so polluted my idea of it that it was disasterous. The consumption of P made my want to lose it very badly, but for all the wrong reasons.

 

Just turned 20 last month. Virgin and no first kiss. No shame.
Don't disregard yourself for what you'd be surprise some of us hold great value for. Losing your virginity as a sign of 'manhood' is a Western concept that I find manipulative and degrading for both parties. But to each their own.

While you're looking for her, focus on whatever else in your life that you can better. Heck, learn a new skill or two. Or go read some philosophy if you want to resolve your existential crisis lols.

Although being a self-employed typist is a pretty bad-ass stuff dude, good on you for getting that going in your life.

 

26 year old virgin here. I can empathize with everything you say about feeling like you need to lose you're virginity, dm4chrome. But, you'd be surprised to find out exactly how many guys not just on these forums, but in western cultures haven't had sex at your age, and even older.

I felt kinda sad for years that I've never done it, and to this day a small part of me still wonders why. But, I've changed my views on my virginity over the last few years. I've started to gain evidence that guys who have sex regularly, with many different partners, aren't necessarily happy either.

Society has warped our views into believing that you need to have sex to be accepted. Some guys have sex all the time, in my opinion, because they still truly feel the need to be accepted in society, and having as much sex as they can is a way to achieve acceptance. That, plus the fact that sex just feels great, keeps their belief at that level.

Here's the thing, though: I've gained acceptance from my peers despite being a virgin. All it takes is to be yourself. I've gotten so much better at just being myself over the years, and now I feel like more and more people gravitate toward me than in the past.

I believe, deep down, that if I can just keep being myself, and start escaping my comfort zone a bit more, I will meet the love of my life and lose my virginity the way it's meant to be lost: with the person that I feel most connected with in this world. I've embraced this, and I never looked back. I don't yearn for sex nearly as much now than I did when I was your age.

But, that's my own personal story on this subject. But, I feel it's the perspective you needed that thistimethismoment may have been talking about.

I wish you luck on your journey, my friend. Never, ever, give up.

 

Simple research also shows that weed reduces grey matter in the brain. I won't continue to argue you but you can't make these assertions against FDA proven drugs while ignoring the negative side-effects of illegal dissociatives, hallucinogens and psychoactive substances (You mentioned using these substances in OP, I've used them as well so I am aware of the negative aspects of these drugs. Guess what, THC is a psychoactive too.). Anti-depressants are designed to correct chemical imbalances in the brain that we have no control over. I'm only on 10mg/day of Paroxetine and my depression is gone; it took me 3 grams (3000mg) of weed/day to accomplish the same thing.

Not being judgmental, I'm just trying to share my perspective. I hope you find a path that works for you.

 

Dude, don't rush to kiss and have sex before marriage. My current girlfriend, who I think I may marry, told me that she would dump a guy if she found out he was not a virgin. I couldn't imagine not having this woman in my life.

Also, women are ATTRACTED to guys with self-control. If you find the right woman and she finds out you are a virgin, this will be a PLUS, not a minus.

If you have problems with confidence with women, as we all do, check out a guy called DOC LOVE, who wrote a book called "The System". This guy's materials have changed my life and I probably wouldn't be on NOFAP were it not for him. He has a weekly radio show.

 

Nothing good can come from sex before marriage. My cousin for example got pregnant at age 21, the guy left and is a deadbeat, now 20 years later, she is still single, because she could not find a good guy who would date a woman who already had a kid. In my opinion, if you have sex before marriage you are playing with fire.

Yes, I am Catholic, but I am approaching this issue just from the practical standpoint.

Also, be aware that some women stop taking their birth control in order TO get pregnant either in order to have a baby to love or to hook the guy into getting married. Once a Catholic dating site I saw a thread on a forum of a woman who said "I can't find a good guy to marry, so I'm thinking of tricking a guy into having sex with me so I can be pregnant and not be alone." No joke and this from a Christian woman who supposedly theoretically believes in no sex before marriage.

You think your depression is bad now, imagine how bad your depression would be if you had a pregnant girlfriend.