i feel that there is a hole in my chest

i think its day 4 since my last relapse , now my problem is that iam alone and i have a hole in my chest , i dont have friends and no gf , but i was okay i was feeling better before i knew about a girl that i could like and now i feel sad and lonely it always happens to me when i meet new girls , i can do fine alone if there is no one in my brain , i overthink a lot and iam having exams latley and i feel like i dont want to prepare because i dont feel good , every time i meet a girl that i could like or fit my thinking i get anxious and overthink about her , and i always confused am i falling out of real love or only out of loneliness ? , sometimes i get over it after relizing that the girl is not my type but this time it seems that she is my type , and i just dont want to overthing i dont want to fall in love right now , how i can stop this overthinking and creating senarios and stories in my brain , i want to go back to the time were i was fine alone >.
i never talked to her and iam shy to look at her too >

 

iam so afraid of the pain of regret !