I Feel So Lost

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by UnCleverUser, Jun 16, 2017.

  1. I'mBroken

    I'mBroken Guest

    To the OP, this is a very long thread. I too have Soc.A.D/O. Interfered w/ dating & wk all my life. = drinking if UR not carefull! U wrote that ur priest is helpfull irl. Does ur church have a youth grp you could join? Can you be an acolyte / altar server to help w/ ur anxiety? Not a lector, that's a bit much. When you choose a Univ. see if it has a Newman Hse. too. They can b grt. for socalizing.
     
  2. I'mBroken

    I'mBroken Guest

    To the O.P. my spiritual advisor taught me this one. (I still think he should be a Dcn.)
    "Jesus, I trust in You", St. Faustina.
     
  3. UnCleverUser

    UnCleverUser Fapstronaut

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    @I'mBroken Unfortunately the parish I attend doesn't have a your group. I usher but mostly with adults much older than I. Btw whats O.P. stand for? Thanks for the quote and your story too man. Hope you can overcome this demon as well.
    @robertgianni1976 I meant that it was gutsy of your friend to talk to the girl considering that he was shy. Overcoming shyness or anxiety, to me at least, seems like an impossible task. I'm going to keep trying to be more open. I know that I'm very closed off currently, and it's fueling my problem.
     
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  4. UnCleverUser!

    You are a total inspiration to me. I'm nearly 40. Your OP has made me believe in you and your future.

    Oh, and I read that when making conversation it's much easier, and more enjoyable for others, if you firstly entertain yourself and worry less about entertaining others.
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2017
  5. I'mBroken

    I'mBroken Guest

    UnCleverUser:
    O.P. = Origional Post.
     
  6. icewizard

    icewizard Fapstronaut

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    A lot of your desires were probably ingrained in you from birth by your culture or whatever influenced you when growing up, the media and shit so yeah its probably insanely hard to change your desires and world view. I know that if I had the lowest standards for living and could be like the buddha, then I would never suffer, but its hard for me since I don't want to give up video games and anime or other desires I have.

    "his mother would rather he study more"
    Stuff like this really bothers me. The kid seems like he is living how he wants, but his mother is trying to project her wants onto him instead of having him live freely. Parents often tell their kids to go have some good career or go to college or some shit like that and if they don't do that its bad. Living for education that you don't care about, just because of peer pressure, and then being a wageslave for the rest of your life living for money and spending the majority of your life at some shitty job.

    I don't like shrinks either and I've only had bad experiences with them. I think its good to face your dissatisfaction and try to change, but if you do that you have to think optimistically. The world isn't fair and just because you work hard at something or try to change something doesn't mean you'll get any results. I don't think its bad to think optimistically, and it seems that whenever I read about optimists on the internet they are all succesful and their optimism gives them motivation and they achieve their dreams, albeit a lot of luck was involved.

    Anyway my bad if none of this is making sense, I'm writing this and I don't even know what point I'm trying to get across, just nonsensical rambling to whatever part of your post I want to commentate on. I don't even know what op started this thread for, forgot man and don't feel like reading it again.....
    "no matter how much effort we make in order to suppress our ideals and desires. Eventually, sooner or later, we all have to face them"
    And when you've tried and tried your whole life but nothing has come out of it, and then people tell you "you just werent trying hard enough" or you never achieved anything because you were too lazy to do anything then you have to have some way to cope, and usually people just accept their current circumstances. Though not all do, some people go on to old age into their deathbeds and regret the way they lived, wished they couldve lived differently and die regretting their entire life.

    It would be a lot easier to talk about something like this in a case by case basis. We all are born in differnt enviromnents with different luck and different genetics with different goals, so I wouldn't recommend the same advice for everybody because some people are lucky, but most arent and will probably never live their dreams.
     
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  7. UnCleverUser

    UnCleverUser Fapstronaut

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    @I'mBroken thx for the clarification. I was gonna look it up in the thread terms area of the forums lol
    @in_the_middle_of_lala_land Thx man. But honestly, all these guys' responses should be your inspiration. They've helped more than anyone could.
    @icewizard Idk if I said that my mother wishes that I study more. If I did, that quote might be out of context and not accurate represent the circumstances at hand. But thanks for your response man. I'm no Buddhist but nonetheless we are all here to help each other. So I thank you for your advice. I will be trying to get a handle on my desires.
     
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  8. thatoneguy123

    thatoneguy123 Fapstronaut

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    There is no ultimate truth or maybe our perception doesn't allow us to see it. But we can find personal truth. There is obviously a war on the soul. Light vs dark. Or however you wanna look at it. Maybe our agenda is to expose the darkness in the world. Even that I'm not sure of but I really can't think of anything more meaningful than exposing the darkness and helping others. And just simply being a genuine person is a big accomplishment in these dark times
     
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  9. UnCleverUser

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    @thatoneguy123 I agree with you on the importunateness of being a genuine person in dark times. I just don't know what that means anymore. If being a genuine person means abstaining from PM and living a moral life, I'm all in. But it seems to me that the only characteristics that seem inseparable from me are all those which I hate. I am an addict to PMO. I have very few friends. I don't live a fulfilling life. These things, to me, seem like such a defining part of me that I literally cannot picture myself living a life that do not bare these characteristics. To me, when you say being a genuine person, I take that as being a good person. I take that as a performing a morally good act. But I see no good in myself and perhaps this a fault of my own. But often I think that is simply a dark but accurate observation.
     
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  10. @UnCleverUser Someone here on this site said that we are what we do. And I think you do good things: first of all, you are loyal to your family, by the simple fact that that you are improving yourself and want to be moral. You know that the biggest problems today are the disintegration of the family, lack of education and immorality and lack of social discipline. In my opinion, we don't have to look for demons to explain what's happening to our world today, all we have to do is look at ourselves. When parents don't care if their children are educated or not, there's a bigger risk that their children may later on resort to immoral means to make money, becoming a bad example for their own children.

    I'm not saying you should be a slave to discipline and family responsibilities. Our instincts and intuition will tell us when something is too much for us and it's time to relax.

    About those characteristics that seem inseparable from you: PMO, lack of friends and unfulfilling life. I don't think they are inseparable from you, but let's say that they are. Even so, you can get a lot of satisfaction from your life by at least interacting with people, if not befriending them. When I was a university student, I used to have a group of former high school classmates (mostly girls) with whom I'd go to clubs and parties. I would rarely drink alcohol and I wasn't the life and soul of the party, but I had a great time. Also, I would go to the gym with two of my neighbors (I lived in a 10-storey tower block at that time). We were young and shy (I was the shyest) and we would always complain in a joking manner about how materialistic women were. Of course, this was not the reason why I didn't have a girlfriend, because actually not so many women are really materialistic - they are human beings just like us. Anyway, I was really happy. I PMO-ed very rarely and I spent my time doing useful and beautiful things. When I look back, the only important thing that I'd like to change about my past is that I was totally clueless about life and its values. Also, my shallowness, which was derived from not being aware of those values, had a very bad influence on my life. But I had human interaction, and I think human interaction can solve lots of problems.

    I also think that a man's personality can only be shaped by interacting with society. You can't avoid that if you want to improve yourself and be happier. However, you've started to improve yourself anyway, by stopping PMO-ing, thus making other people follow your example - including me. I thank you for that and I really hope it's the beginning of a success story.
     
  11. UnCleverUser

    UnCleverUser Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @robertgianni1976. I was gonna respond to your PM to me but got caught up because we are redoing the basement so I've been busy. But to your point. I see what you mean by we are what we do. Interacting society, I know, will help bring out a meaning in my life and will therefore make me feel better. But I don't know why it's so hard for me. I mean I wish I could just go to a judo club or school to sign up for a sports team, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I suppose I'm just scared of embarrassing myself. Whenever I try and get out of my own little world, I just feel that it is far more likely that I'll make a fool of myself. And I just don't see a reason to do that. I mean I still sometimes think of the stupid s*** that I did at my old work, on old sport teams, etc. and even I am disgusted with myself. Maybe it's an exaggeration to say that I am "disgusted" with myself when I embarrass myself. But still. I just don't feel like my presence is necessary or desired in social situations. Therefore why try and force my presence into such an affair only to make things overly complicated and quite honestly uncomfortable?
     
  12. @UnCleverUser If your intuition tells you that you embarrassed yourself and your presence is not needed, I believe you're completely right to think so, because intuition is almost always right. Also, don't force yourself down other people's throats, because it will have an effect opposite to what you expect.

    Maybe what you need is make yourself needed, which is a long and hard process. Many people think that they will make themselves needed if they help others. They should understand that we are supposed to help others because others need help, not because we want to socialize or become more popular or necessary - this would be as if we wanted people to suffer so that we could comfort them and feel needed. Also, helping others doesn't make people want to hang out with you or get you a girlfriend. We should help people for different reasons.

    People will want to be friends with us only if they can learn something from us or/and have fun when we're around. They want to laugh, so they make friends with persons who have a good sense of humor; they want to feel important, so they hang out with artists; they want to be perceived as courageous, so they go out with courageous people. But this is just the beginning. Real friendship is a lot more than that.

    To achieve something of great value takes time and effort. The easy-going guy who smiles all the time and seems not to be afraid of anybody and anything spent years sweating on the football field, when he could have just sat in front of the TV. Not to mention those who study and help their families and also do sports.

    Solution: sign up for a team and be the most modest, respectful and helpful guy and at the same time work twice as much as any guy over there. This doesn't mean you have to pay compliments to anybody over there - it's the best to keep your mouth shut all the time and let your actions speak for you. Never offer to show people how to do things unless they ask you to. There are gyms where champions clean the floor at the end of the class to never forget the better they are, the more modest they have to be.
     
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  13. thatoneguy123

    thatoneguy123 Fapstronaut

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    You don't need to have many friends quality is more important than quantity.
    Impress yourself don't impress others. I think pmo may be fogging your head. And you dont need to have a gf or impress girls lol. You judge yourself and plus they don't know what a real man is anyway.find yourself? Just be urself not to sound cliche. You sound a lot older than 16 good shit man stay sober.its a good sign that you feel lost. Your probably questioning things and that's good
     
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  14. UnCleverUser

    UnCleverUser Fapstronaut

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    @thatoneguy123 Thanks for the compliment man. As you can imagine it's hard to impress yourself when you're in, or at least feel that you're in, a perpetual state of constant stagnation. But I will try to change this "fact" so that I can start living a life that I actually like.
    @robertgianni1976 I suppose when I think of people successful socially, I think of people more attractive than I, more athletic, more charming, more intelligent, etc. etc. But I like the emphasis which you placed on the importance of just working hard. A pure and good work ethic is an attire character trait in anyone I suppose. Your solution though, even though near flawless in nature, seems like too much too soon. That's not to say that the solution is flawed in of itself, rather the person who it is to be applied to (i.e. me obviously) cannot handle it. What kind of team do I join? What if I don't enjoy myself? What if it gets in the way of work and school? What if the attempt ends without a positive result? How do I explain doing something so out of character to the few people around me? I mean I could go on but the mere number of questions which I just raised seem, to me, to totally defeat the purpose of the solution already. If the purpose was to "bring me out of my shell", all that I can in turn think about at the mere proposition is a plethora of uncomfortable and complicated questions.
     
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  15. thatoneguy123

    thatoneguy123 Fapstronaut

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    Social success lol.. Youve been watching too many movies man. Imagine if everyone liked you but you don't like yourself than what's the point? If you are simply being yourself people won't like that these days they want you to just giggle every other sentence and waste your energy acting like an introvert. Find your kind of people. Social validation is bs. We wanna be part of something but you don't wanna live your life caring what people think you will put yourself in prison by doing that. You don't sound like a bob smith the tax payer. Find your kind of people
     
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  16. @UnCleverUser Hello again. As thatoneguy123 said earlier, you sound a lot more mature than 16 and you question things, which few adults do nowadays, not to mention younger people. When I was young, I wanted to look good, be a good athlete (I did sports but I am completely hopeless at sports), be witty and successful with girls. At present, in order to be satisfied with myself, I would first have to do what is good and right, and looks would only come second. I wish I had thought like that when I was young. There are 18-year-olds who think like that and that doesn't mean they behave like old people, on the contrary, they enjoy life but are also moral and responsible.

    But first of all we must be honest to ourselves. No matter what our ideals are, we also have a body and we want to look attractive and also be successful socially, not just professionally.

    Also, I think we place too much emphasis on hypothetical thinking. Of course it's good to think in advance, but I never asked myself 'what if' whenever I signed up for something. Nobody will ever judge you or your results, unless you are dishonest, disrespectful and lazy. If we are good people, it's also our duty to enjoy ourselves, otherwise we'll get frustrated.

    In my country at our traditional parties we dance our traditional dances. I am also an extremely bad dancer, with no ear for rhythm. I was about 30 years old when I started to learn these dances and I would sometimes wake in the middle of the night to practice them in silence. I can say this silly thing changed my life completely. Of course, there are 6 year old kids that dance way better than me, but I can manage without embarrassing myself in the least.

    Sorry for writing so much. I wish I could do more for us people, not just use words. Each of us has the power to decide for himself. Even a prisoner in his cell can choose between giving up hope and fighting to improve himself each day, with patience.
     
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  17. UnCleverUser

    UnCleverUser Fapstronaut

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    @thatoneguy123 thx man. I'm trying to find "my people" for sure.
    @robertgianni1976 thanks for the compliment too. I do agree that hypothetical thinking, but mine for certain, can damage my progress taking place in the present. I need to just act without fear. Don't apologize for writing so much. In all honesty I enjoy reading all of your guys' posts.
     
  18. thatoneguy123

    thatoneguy123 Fapstronaut

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    Don't live in your head. A package was late you can think you got scammed and it's never coming. You can think you typed adress wrong. You can think the person is delaying it intentionally because they don't like you. Your mind can flow in many ways and you may even start creating some dark thought bubbles in your mind that dont even make sense and the start believing the bs you created in your head. Don't get lost in your thoughts but don't stop thinking. It's ok to over think if it will benifit you
     
  19. UnCleverUser

    UnCleverUser Fapstronaut

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    @thatoneguy123 Yeah that analogy does really make sense. Guess it's hard for me to stop being scared about stuff and just do something about it. But I guess that's why I'm on here. To overcome obstacles in my life.
     
  20. thatoneguy123

    thatoneguy123 Fapstronaut

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    NoFap will help you. stay in the present moment
     
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