I feel like killing my self over this addiction?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, May 12, 2019.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    It's not even just the fact it is so highly addictive. It is the sexual dysfunction problems it causes. Literally a penis that doesn't work correctly without porn. Sometimes I think to my self that my erections are get better. Then if I relapse on porn I realise no they're not really getting much better. As when I relapse on porn my erections are rock solid.

    I used to use clean browsing family dns to block porn, as that is by far the best porn blocker I have used. Someone else was the administrator on my computer so that I couldn't turn it off and couldn't by pass it. But now my internet service provider has decided to block 3rd party dns's.

    I honestly feel like killing my self. I found it difficult enough staying away from porn and artificial sexual stimulation even with extreme blockers. I actually had it set up a way where everything was near impossible to bypass. All porn blocked, all social media and social media content sharing blocked, Youtube restricted mode permanently locked on, All anonymous search engines blocked, all proxy sites blocked, all v pns blocked. The amount of blocks I had was unreal, and it was near impossible to by pass without the password.

    But now my internet service provider is blocking third party dns's, this has opened up a massive door to being able to access more things that I don't want to be able to access.

    Honestly I am stressed out my mind with all this stuff. My mental health is terrible and my dick will never work correctly. I was thinking about jumping in front of a train earlier.
     
    James09 likes this.
  2. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut

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    Spare a thought for the train driver. I can relate to your pain and despair, :( but what has saved me is to think about the impact on others. Suicide means you are out of it, sure. But it can cause life-long grief to others, such as family & friends.
     
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  3. llortaton

    llortaton Fapstronaut

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    Drew, do not, and I tell you, DO NOT, ever, and I SAY EVER, FUCKING THINK ABOUT SUICIDE!

    YOU'RE STRONGER THAN THIS... YOU AREN'T A PUSSY!
    FUCK SUICIDE MAN!
    YOU ARE THE GREATEST!
    YOU ARE THE FUCKING GREATEST!
    DON'T BE A FUCKING PUSSY!
    YOUR GREAT ANCESTORS DIDN'T WORK SO HARD FOR NOTHING!

    DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF A BLESSING LIFE IS?
    WE ALL WON THE FUCKING LOTTERY, AND KILLING YOURSELF IS LIKE THROWING SOMETHING WORTH SO MUCH DOWN THE DRAIN!

    THERE IS A 1 IN 400 TRILLION CHANCE OF BEING BORN.

    DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW MUCH OF A BLESSING IT IS TO BE ALIVE?!

    I KNOW YOU'RE STRONG, DREW, YOU'RE A FIGHTER!
    YOU'RE LIKE A SCARRED LION.. ONE THAT HAS BEEN THROUGH A LOT. YOU AREN'T A FUCKING BITCH!
    upload_2019-5-12_11-17-51.jpeg


    DONT YOU DARE COMMIT TO SUICIDE. BECAUSE WHEN YOU DO... YOU ARE LETTING THIS ADDICTION TAKE YOU OVER....

    YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUNNY THING IS, DREW? THE FUNNY THING IS, IS THAT WHEN YOU OVERCOME PMO, YOU'LL THINK. "I'm so thankful to god, I didn't commit suicide."


    GO TO A DOCTOR, AND GET MENTAL TREATMENT, BRO.
    YOU NEED TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST, THEY CAN HELP!

    YOU WILL GET PAST THIS, MY FRIEND.

    DON'T THINK YOU'RE ALONE!

    DON'T KILL YOURSELF OVER SOMETHING REALLY SILLY!

    MAN, YOU CAN LIVE THE MOST AMAZING LIFE, IF YOU TRY...
    I'M TALKING ABOUT, PRIVATE JETS, EXPENSIVE MANSION, EXPENSIVE CARS, GOING ON AMAZING VACATIONS WITH YOUR WIFE AND KIDS.
     

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  4. Tiger uppercut!

    Tiger uppercut! Moderator Assistant
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    My Journal
    I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. Rebooting has its ups and downs, just like life. We see many people experiencing ups and downs during reboot, and though it may be hard to see now, these feelings won’t last forever. It will get better with time if you’re patient and wait.

    In the meantime please seek professional help. I know the idea of calling a helpline might terrify you, but in times of crisis we often need someone there to put our life into perspective. So please contact someone that can help and don’t hang up on them.

    https://www.iasp.info/
    The international association for suicide prevention maintains a list of suicide prevention hotlines for countries all over the world.

    http://suicidestop.com/suicide_prevention_chat_online.html
    If you don’t feel like talking to someone on the phone, they maintain a list of online instant messaging suicide prevention resources.

    You are not alone in this. There are ways to treat depression. Please contact people that can help you. Being depressed often makes you feel like you don’t have anymore options. But that is a lie. That is just the depression talking. These feelings you have won’t last forever. We are in this with you and will be cheering for you to get through this!
     
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  5. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Fapstronaut

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    You dont want to commit suicide friend. That is your animal brain that has been hijacked by high stimulus never ending novelty. Binging really affects your brain. It shrinks the prefrontal cortex and effectively makes the frontal lobes null so your real decision making skills are out the window. You'll have headaches in this area once you start recovery and youll feel sensations in your brain that will mean your on the mend. Please give real recovery a chance.

    Rebooting and pushing through has many, many up and downs. It is torture some days, it does get much better the longer you go in recovery and you'll become a new person or the person you are destined to be. Dont let porn take over man, lean on us for support we're all brothers in this fight.

    Suicide is never the option for this insidious shit porn.
     
    Casey54 and Brain Fog like this.
  6. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    If you have seriously considered suicide, you need to be seeking professional help my friend. Talk to your GP or try the links above. If you are on the brink of actually doing it, go along to your hospital and tell them. or ring the emergency number in your country. Anything. If anyone fobs you off or doesn't take you seriously, move on and tell someone else until you get results.
    Your mental disease can kill you if it goes untreated, and it needs treatment, so get it. Good luck.

    Sexual dysfunction is miserable, but it is NoT WoRTH KILLING YoURSELF oVER!
     
  7. JesusStrength

    JesusStrength Fapstronaut

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  8. JesusStrength

    JesusStrength Fapstronaut

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    You're not alone bro.. What symptoms do you have? My dick feels dead.
     
  9. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I heard of a guy who died and he stopped living.

    @skaterdrew There are a lot of situations where ending your life seems like the best outcome. Yours is not one of those. Stop being a PMO addict is easier than you think. Just set your mind to it and you will do it.
     
  10. JesusStrength

    JesusStrength Fapstronaut

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    Its not the PMO that's the issue. Its the sexual dysfunction. I want to know for sure that quitting will cure me. I want to be a man again.
     
  11. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

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    I posted on this many times and will keep repeating it.

    You can not fix an addiction without fixing underlying cause.
    Getting clean is phase one of the process, where you suppress physical dependence, after this phase is complete you feel fine physically if you do not use porn but you may still have craving for porn.
    Phase two is finding the reason you feel cravings for porn. Usually this has to do with lifestyle, health and social life. Making changes in one or more of these areas stabilizes mood and reduces cravings.
    Goal is not to just suppress porn but to make it less rewarding and that happens when you have other activities that provide mood lifting benefits.

    It appears to me that most people always stay in phase one, where they get rid of physical dependence after weeks or months of not using porn but then fail to deal with what cause them to begin using it.

    Depression is basically the foundation of addictive behaviors.
     
    Casey54 likes this.
  12. scarecrow1

    scarecrow1 Fapstronaut

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    Wouldn’t you cut your internet cables or smash your devices before taking such an extreme step as suicide?
     
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  13. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi @skaterdrew !

    Just a quick note to check in. How are you doing ?

    one day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
  14. TheBahamas

    TheBahamas Fapstronaut

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    @skaterdrew Please don't commit suicide. That is a horrible thing to happen to a person. How are you doing?
     
  15. TheBahamas

    TheBahamas Fapstronaut

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  16. Casey54

    Casey54 Fapstronaut

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    Hey brother. Quiting porn is brutal. If your really feeling like hurting yourself seek professional help. Take it one hour at a time if you have to. Ive had bad anxiety and just having a set plan for my day helds. Keep your head up
     
  17. letgolive

    letgolive Fapstronaut

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    I know the feelings Your having for me it’s disappointing myself when I fail. You are bigger than this and if you stick to it life will circle a
    Back around.
     
  18. Sleepingbadger

    Sleepingbadger Fapstronaut

    Suicide is a permanent solution to only temporary problem. It isn't worth it and will only cause pain to everyone close to you. If you're still feeling suicidal, contact a suicide prevention program right away.

    Seems like your current situation isn't looking really bright, but you can overcome this addiction. It will take time, but you can do it. If nothing else helps, get some professional help. Your life is precious, and you only have one of those. Don't throw it away.

    I'm wishing all the best for you. Sometimes it can get really hard, but trust me, there's still brighter days to come. During my journey I've been severely depressed many times by this addiction (not suicide bad but still bad), but looking back to it now, I'm really happy I didn't give up. Even though it might not feel like it right now, I can totally tell you that life is worth living, so don't you give up just yet.
     
    llortaton likes this.
  19. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

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    Download Covenant Eyes. Use their filtering *and* accountability software. Get a couple trusted friends on board to hold you accountable. This will go miles toward helping you for a few reasons:
    • it works off the Covenant Eyes server. Your ISP can't and won't prevent the filtering they use.
    • it involves others in your struggle so you have some accountability
    • it allows you to be somewhat in control of your filter ... if you deactivate your filter for any reason, your accountability partners will get an email immediately and you'll have to have a conversation about why.
    • it's only $14/mo., which is a tiny, tiny price to pay for peace of mind and internet integrity.
    @JesusStrength and @skaterdrew , there are no guarantees, but there are thousands of men who have seen their erectile functions come back to normal after abstaining for a good amount of time. Take hope in their stories and stay the course. The other option is to keep doing what you've been doing--which as you know, is a road to nowhere.

    Visit the Success Stories forum here for inspiration, or read some of the testimonials here. This is a gold mine of encouraging stories from men who've walked very similar paths and come out the other end with tales of victory.

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-2/
     
  20. JesusStrength

    JesusStrength Fapstronaut

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    Stop saying there are no guarantees blah blah blah people don't want to hear that.
     

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