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I feel like I meet every criterias that makes me avoided like house fly when it comes to dating

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by FakeSympathy, Feb 17, 2019.

  1. FakeSympathy

    FakeSympathy New Fapstronaut

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    Where do I even start?

    First off, I'm a 25 years-old Korean Male who's been living in the US for about 15 years. I started to feel inadequate starting Sophomore year of my High School. I was popular for being a fun guy in the school, but was very awkward when it came to talking to girls.

    There were many girls I had a crush on back then, and I asked them for the school dance or for a date, but I was rejected every single time, eventually leading me to not go to prom, and probably graduating as the only guy in school who didn't get the dating experience. This one girl, let's call her "Monica", left me the biggest scar. We attended the same middle school, went to the same church, went to the same tutoring center, and shared the same interests. Both of us were Koreans, save for the fact that I moved here and she was born in US. We previously had many small talks getting to know each other better, and my feelings towards her grew stronger. I eventually asked her out, and at first she said some reasonable excuses. Monica did eventually told me she wasn't into me, and I wish she would've been honest with me in the beginning instead of toying with my feelings (I think she meant well, though). Not only that, she dated and eventually married one of my closest friends. He was and still is a great guy, and I wished the best for both of them, but that just left me a big scar in my heart.

    After high school, between college and work, I had no time to care for dating anyone. I mean, the first major I chose had classes with little to no girls, the girls I met at work were already a in relationship, and when I was home I was too tired and felt miserable.

    Fast-forward to present, I am still in college because of major change, still live with my parents because I don't have a career job to afford my own place, I stopped getting taller after 5' 3", stress and lifestyle made me overweight (not obese, still fat around belly), socially awkward and staying quiet in the corner during gathering, and I turned to watching porn every night to forget about the pain. I did go on a few dates here and there, but nothing lasted more than a month.

    Now, social awkwardness, watching porn, and overweight I might be able to change. But being 5'3" Asian who is still a virgin at 25, I feel it makes me undesirable, whether it's dating app/site or real life. Those two factors alone are what gives me no chance in dating, and it discourages me to change other lifestyles mentioned above, especially with watching porn and being overweight. I had friends who used to joke about watching porn, and they are now in a relationship and I am jealous; Not because their significant others are hot or good-looking, but because they seem so happy together. They seem to know what they are doing after all the previous dating experiences they had, keeping their lovers happy and committed to their relationships. Some of them whom I knew from HS are either engaged, married, or even had a child.

    My sister jokes and asks me "When are you going to bring home a girl?" or "Are you not going to give mom and dad their grandchildren?" I used to laugh at the questions as well, but it is starting to look like that's going to be life...forever.
     
  2. I had family ask me the same questions, I know one thing you cant try to convince or reason with someone asking those questions because its pointless and it lowers you self esteem change the subject and if they keep brining it up leave to another room or go for a walk
     
  3. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    Don't give up yet. It's never too late to make changes to better yourself. You made the first step for change by joining here.

    Dont dwell on past, instead learn from it to better yourself as an individual. Don't think that NoFap alone will fix everything because it won't.

    "Get comfortable with the uncomfortable."

    I was watching an fitness youtube video the other day, and learned that quote. You can apply it to life in general. There is no progress if you cant get out of your comfort zone, but you must do so small in steps.
     
    Ra's Al Ghul likes this.
  4. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    The positive thing about when you're down, is that you can mostly work to get things "up" in your life. Take it one day at a time and step forward. First things being put down the Dorito's bags and start eating healthy and exercising. Start doing push ups and go running. Work to be able to run 5 miles at a decent clip. Get a good haircut. Get Rollo Tomassi's book the Rational Male and get red-pilled. Once you start looking better and start feeling better you can get yourself into positive social settings to meet women.
     
  5. FakeSympathy

    FakeSympathy New Fapstronaut

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    She doesn't mean anything by it; She just turned 24 and have a boyfriend who studies meds in Denver. She is a silly person that makes me laugh. I haven't had a thought of "staying alone forever" in the longest time she's been joking about it
     
  6. TurnTides

    TurnTides Fapstronaut

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    One thing I noticed is that people who start getting into fitness notice an increase in self-confidence. Increasing your physical strength kind of strengthens your mindset: feeling like you're able to do more with yourself (lift heavier objects, perform other activities with more ease). I notice a kind of euphoria after a hard workout, where the adrenaline is still in the system but feeling sore as hell, incredible feeling that curbs sexual desires temporarily for me. You might be able to find that kind of relief if you try getting more physically active.

    Don't be so focused about being a virgin, life is a journey of many paths, you dont always have to follow what others are doing to full-fill yours. Just be the best version of yourself, or at least strive towards that goal.

    Dating is very convoluted in this generation, many may never have kids or get to experience what it means to have a committed relationship, which is a harsh reality. It shouldn't stop you from getting the most that you can out of life as a whole though.

    Do things for happiness, with yourself in mind of course.
     
  7. i have 2: 1.lack of height

    2.long midface
     

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