I feel down..

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by One Strong Girl, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. One Strong Girl

    One Strong Girl Fapstronaut

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    hi everyone ,

    I’ve joined the site back in September and managed to stop pmo for 14 days, then I relapsed every 9 days then 6 and now I’d relapse everyday or every other day.

    I’m just so sick of it !
    I’ve no energy to do anything , my mind seems to always be racing with useless thoughts , my life is wasted on an addiction that I gain absolutely no benefits from ... I generally feel like crap .

    I’m very exhausted , very disappointed and disgusted with myself and how this addiction made my life a living hell.


    Sorry for the rant , I just needed to say it or else I’d start crying in front of everyone in college.

    Advices are welcomed.
     
  2. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Hi strong girl. First you are brave to admit this so big hugs for you. Have you considered starting a journal? Sorry if you have already but this is honestly the best way to get help
     
  3. leah88

    leah88 Fapstronaut

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    hi lovely lady, its so good you wrote down how you've been feeling :) To give some thoughts from the view of outside looking in the words you use about your journey sound quite punishing. Could it be perhaps some old parent messages in your mind could be beating you up so to speak when you make a mistake? Do you hear messages of patience, calm, love and empathy?
    it could be a parental part of your mind takes control and perhaps through never being aware of it, your heart gets internally punished and criticised as if by an authoritative figure.
    I struggle with those messages too, recognising when they appear helps me not listen to them but listen more intently to how my heart feels and taking direction according to that.
    I'm in the middle of experiencing a relapse, this journey takes time and a lot of healing. Sometimes we can only learn how to fix an area after finding out what's going wrong.
    Being your own bestfriend helps build success :)
    All the best x
     
  4. One Strong Girl

    One Strong Girl Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your input and support .
    Actually my parents are quite forgiving and loving . The problem is that my whole family sees my as the “good girl” , the listener , the problem solver , the person who is always right and who makes the right decisions and the most religious in the family! .
    What breaks my heart is that I’m NOT the person they think I am !!! I repeatedly make mistakes regarding pmo .
    So I guess that me who punished myself because Of how people believe I am .

    Anyway, I haven’t given up yet .. I’ll keep trying until I beat this horrible addiction .
     
  5. Max Dudent

    Max Dudent Fapstronaut

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    Every time you fall, pick up and start again. It is hard but you have to do it. Like your tagline says. Develop a routine with the way you restart after a relapse. Keep track of everything, the statistics. Have things to go to if you are in an immediate danger of relapse. Perhaps listening to religious material, whatever gets your mind out of the vulnerable state. Have a routine and keep working on it, improving it. Routine and staying busy are the best ways I find to keep extending the amount of time between relapses. For example, exercise, spending time with family, etc.

    You will get there, don't beat yourself up if you fall. Repent, reset right away, keep your brain busy: whether work, study or religious activities. Ultimately, remember that every time you fall it is because you gave in. No one is forcing you to relapse, you/we are choosing to. So, we should choose NOT to relapse, we should choose TO LIVE. I know it is a lot easier said than done. We are all in the same boat, you are not alone! But, each of us have to make the decision ourselves how to spend our time. Spend it on constructive things...
     
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  6. One Strong Girl

    One Strong Girl Fapstronaut

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    Omg your post is actually very informative and eye opening!!! Yes it’s our choice and we should always keep it that way and not let our urges take over us .
    Thanks for the support!
     
  7. leah88

    leah88 Fapstronaut

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    hi there, apologies i realize i may not have expanded properly! The parental part of the mind is not a representation of your actual parents, but a catalogue of parental messages. Hope that helps remove any finger pointing at your parents! Apologies for that.
    With that being defined, i agree it is from your own mind the accusation or criticism may arise, however like you said this isn't the real you, exactly the point.
    Knowing this, take notice of when those thoughts come up, find out what triggers them, and when you notice them change the dialogue! Let the real you out! Let her speak, and change the dialogue to one where that girl can be herself. Create thoughts that embrace her and encourage her.
    Perhaps once that girl feels accepted and safe she will feel at peace and will need PMO less
    Feel free to ignore my thoughts if they don't resonate with you!
    all the best to your journey! X
     
    Rancid Tove likes this.
  8. One Strong Girl

    One Strong Girl Fapstronaut

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    sorry my bad , english is not my first language and i got a bit confused by what you said but thanks for clarifying things out.

    and what i meant by "I'm not that person" is that my family and friends expect the best attitude from me since as i mentioned they think I'm a good person , when in fact I don't feel I'm a good person knowing that i constantly pmo.

    anyhow, thanks for taking the time to read my post and write your thoughts on it . sometimes we need other people's point of view.
     
    Rancid Tove likes this.
  9. Djon

    Djon Fapstronaut

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    I know exactly how you feel. Its probably different for a girl but regarding all those emotions you've described i've had every single one.

    One thing I can say is that through every dark night theres a bright day after that (2pac)
    The more we work on standing back up after falling is gonna intimidate our inner opponent until he learns that we're boss.
    The key is to keep going. We have enough strength eventually we'll see it. Stay strong girl
     
    One Strong Girl likes this.
  10. Born2Win

    Born2Win Fapstronaut

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    Hey strong girl, first of all, just remember you’re human. We all have temptations and we all fall sometimes. When we begin on this journey of trying to cut a bad habit like porn out of our lives think of yourself as crawling. Little by little you’re getting on your feet until you start walking, then running. It’s all a process. When the temptation comes you need to see yourself as a warrior because you’re about to fight something that has had its grasp on you for a while. But you CAN do it, you CAN win, No temptation is too much for you to handle. Keep your head up and keep going!
     
    One Strong Girl likes this.
  11. One Strong Girl

    One Strong Girl Fapstronaut

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    @Djon @Born2Win thank you so much guys !!! I feel ready to fight it again ..Ill take it step by step and I’m sure I can have very long streaks like so many people on here.
     
    Vulkan, mcgrim and Born2Win like this.
  12. Max Dudent

    Max Dudent Fapstronaut

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    How is it going? Hope you are doing well.
     
  13. TheGoldenEra

    TheGoldenEra Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Salam sister, I hope you are well and fighting hard. I wrote the following comment in another thread but the guy didn't even come back to read it. Basically My friend said this to me but I modified it so you could connect with it better.

    Here it goes "Imagine how you'd feel if someone degraded your father, brother or even (future) husband like that" Also she said "those actors may not respect themselves, it doesn't mean you should too. Control yourself and be a gentlewoman" lastly "How do you think your (future) husband would feel if he knew that you looked at other men aside from him like that "
    Those words hit kinda hard. I mean Ive not relapsed with P since July 21 2017 that's like nearly 8 months (238 days).

    Also, keep on praying. As much as you possibly can, if you feel even the slightest urge remember Allah. Call the azaan, pray a surah repeatedly, that also helped a lot for me until the urge subsided. Another thing is keep yourself busy, weather it's a hobby or even this website, don't give it any time for the urge to find and overcome you.
    I'm not sure how much of help it would be to you, and sorry for such a long response.insha allah you overcome this horrible addiction, may Allah make it easy for us. I'll remember you in my duas.
    Stay strong!
    Salam
     
  14. Rancid Tove

    Rancid Tove Fapstronaut

    That is some serious stuff. Very serious. I am sorry.
     
    One Strong Girl likes this.
  15. One Strong Girl

    One Strong Girl Fapstronaut

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    Well , I’ve managed to go 2-4 days in between relapses . I guess that counts as something ... I hope
     
    Rancid Tove and Hollow Reed like this.
  16. Hollow Reed

    Hollow Reed Fapstronaut

    Every PMO-free day is a good day that you'll always remember
     
  17. Enderswish604

    Enderswish604 Fapstronaut

    Dear sister, I recommend for you to change approach :
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?groups/posts/11905/
    Just read the book with an open mind, you do not have anything to lose by reading it as, since you are already trying to rid yourself of addiction, this book will only reinforce what you already know, but also, most importantly it will break down and help you counter the two hurdles of addiction : 1) Feeding that little monster inside that makes us feel angsty and edgy with urges and 2) Reverse the brainwashing all of us PMO addicts have received subconsciously.

    Just do not procrastinate in finishing the book once you start, because such procrastination has been the cause of my last two relapses. When I am reading it and learning day to day from it, urges honestly don't bother me one bit.
    Anyway, may Allah Bless you with your freedom, and May He Guide us all to the Righteous path.
     
    One Strong Girl likes this.
  18. Rancid Tove

    Rancid Tove Fapstronaut

    Of course it does. I am new at this, so so many relapses sounded rather stressful sand demoralizing.
     
    One Strong Girl likes this.
  19. Liveoak

    Liveoak Fapstronaut

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    Strong girl. I never thought that I could ever stop PMO. a month was a long time and then I started cyber and cam. So erotic that soon a few days was all I can do. Now I am feeling stronger with the help of everyone here. You will too
     
  20. Liveoak

    Liveoak Fapstronaut

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    Please don't let yourself become stressed over the inevitable relapses. Many here experience this and eventually win. Keep up the fight
     
    One Strong Girl and Rancid Tove like this.

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