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I feel completely doomed to conquer this. If can relate please read!

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Ronald, Mar 7, 2014.

  1. Ronald

    Ronald Fapstronaut

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    Dear Fapponaughts,

    Reading about some users who have been trying to conquer this horrible addiction, I am certainly only a newbie. I started properly since the new year, I've relapsed quite a few times since then.

    I have tried to use different tactics to get quit. The latest one was to focus on just to give up porn for a month first, in that time being allowed to edge and masturbate without viewing porn that was the plan, and then in the month after to start to be clean from PMO. Unless I'm lucky enough to find a girlfriend, then to enjoy intimate love with her.

    The reason why I thought it was necessary to do like that was so I didn't have any mad withdrawals. That happened before, where I was clean from PMO for 11 days while working doing some building work with my step dad, things happened where I completely overreacted; such as almost tripping up, or getting muddy, I ended up screaming, swearing and being a crazy maniac. I have read before that many people have to do with similar kinds of withdrawals. This scares me to death, if I act ridiculously like I did on that day in the wrong place, I could get into some real trouble. I have never been that bad over such tiny little things.

    Pain from being hungover, bored, isolated, disappointed all seem to be feelings which cause me to relapse. My main current goal other than quitting fapping is to get a good job in engineering, I have got into a lot of debt thanks to all the education I have completed in order to get one. I keep getting rejected from companies again, again and again. The last company which I thought I had a very good chance to get it, the interview went shit. Right now I feel utterly useless to change my life, I feel stuck at home with no hope to move on, I have hardly any friends where I live with my parents, it's very rural and isolated so it is very difficult to meet people in a way which people do in a town or city.

    I feel very torn, confused and my original goals at the start of the new year feel they are slipping away, my head feels in complete battle with my gremlins and my higher goals. I hope people can relate to this and give some words of wisdom. I feel the withdrawal of Dopamine without masturbating is too much to overcome. The challenge of being isolated in the real world does not help as well.

    I thank those who read this.
     
  2. SlavenoMore

    SlavenoMore Fapstronaut

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    Good night, brother.

    I feel sorry for your relapse and can easily relate to that.

    I tried to abstain from PMO with the help of my wife, but the burden sometimes seems too strong. I felt what you felt untill my wife exploded and asked me to quit NO PMO, as she could not stand living with my time-bomb behavior.

    Now, I decided to quit only P and M. I'm no authority, but I think that abstaining from P is the most important part. I think edging is also harmful.
    Going to the Gym and running on the streets really helped me whereas reading or studying would only leave me anxious. You gotta learn what works for you.

    Live your anger and try to learn with it. Believe in yourself, you only exploded because you know your stepfather would "understand", even if he is clueless about NO PMO. Believe that you wouldn't do it if there was some risk involved.

    Finally, remember your reasons. Looking at P will only harm you, don't do it. There is no easy way out and our WILLPOWER is our only and strongest weapon. Let's go together.

    Good luck to us.
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2014
  3. basstrombone

    basstrombone Fapstronaut

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    fletchy88,

    We have all been in those situations, things WILL get better. Don't dwell on what happened with your step father; it doesn't seem that your actions are a normal occurrence. Emotions get the better of all of us. Luckily we have the ability to forgive others.
    Sorry to hear about you job, its tough to get rejected multiple times. That was a trigger for me to PMO, just the stress of it. I wanted an escape. Sometimes there is only one path. To just keep trying to find something.

    There is always that battle between the demons and the good in all of us. Whichever one we feed will grow.

    Keep up the fight!
     
  4. No Name

    No Name Fapstronaut

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    Nofap makes me angry a lot too, must be the test. Its like you become hot blooded. (Cues foreigner song)
     
  5. Ronald

    Ronald Fapstronaut

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    Dear SlavenoMore, Basstrombone, Anon Hymous and Noname

    Your replies have been great and I thank you most kindly for them. I feel relieved that I decided not to go down the fapping path when I was in a triggered moment, my primal gremlins told me to go on a porn site, and I decided to go on this website instead :).

    SlaveNomore, I pray that you conquer your struggle for yourself and your wife. You are very lucky that she is supportive. I am going to the gym very regularly around 4 times a week, I've been doing so for around the past two months. Weight training and cardio definitely has some awesome benefits, I dunno if my mind is playing tricks on me, but I think I am starting to bulk up in shape, especially in the upper body, not quite as skinny any more.

    Basstrombone it is very true what you say, if we feed either of the good in us or our demons, that is what will grow, even writing this right now, I had some demonic thoughts about how that it won't kill me. That is most definitely true but it is certainly going to prevent me from living in a higher existence. This is the KEY thing to breaking this, to live in a higher existence!

    Anon Hymous very strong words, I don't want to you forgive for those words, I want to give thanks for them! Yeah having a girlfriend will not solve all my personal problems by any means, I was only illustrating my goals; to be free from fapping. When I say lucky enough I think that's due to because I've always been very hard to myself and just kinda think that it will be a combination of luck with hard work to get one.

    I'm impressed you moved to Australia, on your own I presume, I hope to migrate to a new country one day. One that has consistently decent weather, better than England at least lol. I want to leave everything behind and start fresh. I've been doing in it in various cities around the UK for studying and working for the past 6 years, as well doing backpacking travelling as well. I do believe this is my problem at the same time, I feel that want to "run away" from where my parents live. Or is it a blessing in disguise that I have seen so many countries because of this love for travelling, part of it driven by wanting to "run away". This desire to "run away" comes from being bullied quite a lot at High-School, because essentially of my shyness and sensitivity. It led social avoidance and essentially why I am so isolated when I am back home. It holds me back while I'm home severely and it has held me back in other places as well. I am fully aware of this deficiency, I feel overwhelmed in how to begin to tackle it effectively. If this is the wrong place to open up about this kind of thing, I'm sorry for that guys.

    I do believe you we should be open and honest in our struggle to help everyone together. Thanks for all your replies guys!!!
     
  6. SlavenoMore

    SlavenoMore Fapstronaut

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    That's right Fletchy888, never chose the fapping path!

    We're in this together, good luck to us!
     

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