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I dread going back.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Sardonic, Oct 24, 2018.

What should I do?

  1. Find a new job

    7 vote(s)
    46.7%
  2. Avoid them.

    5 vote(s)
    33.3%
  3. Speak to Red

    1 vote(s)
    6.7%
  4. Speak to Pink

    2 vote(s)
    13.3%
  1. Sardonic

    Sardonic Fapstronaut

    I wouldn't normally make a thread about such a specific problem, but I am at a loss for what to do next, and I know how great these forums are for getting perspective, so here goes:

    Where I work there are 5 men and roughly 20 women. I am the only single guy. The brain knows and eventually I developed a crush, I'll call her Pink. This isn't my first work crush either, that ended badly, she ultimately left the job (for different reason) and I struggled to shake off the "creepy guy" tag. Pink knows this story too because I told her (Dumb, I know) I trusted 2 co-workers enough to tell them about this information. Pink's work bestie, let's call her Red, sussed me out and told me I would fail, when pushed for an explanation she said it was personal to Pink and to move on. So I tried. One of my trusted co-workers let the cat out of the bag and gossip has spread among the majority of the staff. I am guilty of openly discussing this crush too.

    Pink has been off with me lately, as she obviously knows, making for an awkward work environment. I realised yesterday that she had blocked me on Facebook, which itself is no big deal but I clearly make her uncomfortable. I now dread going back in 2 days because I feel like I will once again be the "creepy guy" and I don't like being in that position.

    I am at a loss for what to do next. I have the option to not work, but obviously I need money. I could speak to Red, or Pink or avoid them and stay silent. Even if I was to speak to them I wouldn't know where to begin. Any advice would be much appreciated.
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2018
  2. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    First off, I'm no expert here.

    My gut says to just let it be. Admit to your self that you blew it and move on. Consider it lesson learned. What this Pink lady does is up to her, let her have her space. If eventually she warms back up to you expect nothing more than friendship. Keep the relationships business oriented and focus on your job. Some people may forever see you as the creepy guy, that's their choice. Put more focus into social activities outside of work. There's plenty of women out there.
     
  3. It's part of life, learning to continuing on in awkward, hard, uncomfortable situations. Can't start running from trouble it will become a habit and then eventually a lifestyle. Get back to work, do your job, and don't let the opinions of others bother you.

    It's hard but necessary. Part of maturing and learning to deal with the realities of life. I'm sure you can do it. Get back in there and show them you're not going to let them scare you off.
     
  4. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    The last you need to do is continue thinking about yourself as some "creepy guy", that'll only make things worse. If you find it hard to get past that, every morning while getting ready, just remind yourself that you're a great guy.
    As for changing a job, well, in my opinion, you'd just be leaving a loose end in your life, with no closure. If it gets really bad, and you just can't handle the situation, change a job. But if you think you can hang in there, do it.
    Good luck!
     
  5. AUTiger7222

    AUTiger7222 Fapstronaut

    In my experience, work and pleasure do not mix. Never attempt to date a co-worker, it just makes things awkward for everyone, especially if she's not interested. Also, never trust anyone that you work with because as you are now well aware, this is the kind of situation you end up in. For now you'll just have to grin and bear it, but in the long run, it would probably be best to find a new job.
     
  6. Sardonic

    Sardonic Fapstronaut

    I appreciate those replies folks, really I do.

    As expected both of them blanked me at work. In hindsight it was like being in school and being blanked by the popular girls. People could tell I was in a foul mood and keeping it to myself required tremendous effort.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2018
    Hros and Deleted Account like this.
  7. Well it took some courge to tell your coworkers but its a double edge sword because You should have just told her instead remember that next time. Dating game is tough doing it at work is even tougher because if you ask a women outside of your work and she says no the chances of seeing her again are next to none. Reminds me of when I was in highschool I did a similer thing and I dreaded going to school for awhile it blew over though you learned from this and now can move on .
     
  8. godsbelovedson93

    godsbelovedson93 Fapstronaut

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    Man I give the most blunt and unorthodox advice but just hear me out. So there’s a girl that you like at work and you told pretty much everybody or everybody knows and it seems she doesn’t like you back. That’s perfectly normal man, your a guy ! You had crush on a girl and tried to pursue her in your own unique way. It’s not impossible to have a crush on a colleague. Everybody finds out and it’s like “OMG THIS GUY HAS A CRUSH AT WORK AND SAID SOMETHING, THATS CREEPY AND UNPROFESSIONAL ”. Uhh noo it’s perfectly fine. I believe in your heart you didn’t see a problem with it , that’s why you did it. WHAT YOU DID WAS NOT WRONG, YOU DID WHAT YOU WANTED AND THATS THE WAY TO LIVE. PEOPLE SHOULD BE MORE LIFE YOU. I understand It may have not worked in your favor, and your colleagues may be acting weird around you but that’s what happens when your brave enough to be AUTHENTIC. The universe will bless you for it and there will be another crush, that likes you for you, that will end in your favor. Keeping doing what your doing man. Sometimes people are just childish so they treat you like your the creepy guy, but in all in all they are no different than you. We are all humans with hormones and when we find someone attractive and like them we get a crush on them. Take the rejection on the chin and just go to work and do your job. I mean honestly what can anyone say to you “ Oohhh you had a crush, your creepy” how about no I’m human. And the reality she may not like you back and your feelings for her will fade. You did nothing wrong man, you expressed yourself freely, don’t let this world restrict you from your expression. Not a job! Or anyone or anything else. If you like what you do stay at your job. Continue to be yourself and do what you want. They can’t judge you because they are not better than you. Love yourself man
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2018
  9. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    Great replay. :emoji_clap: A big thing to get over is that fear of rejection. The act of telling someone we like them is not a bad thing. The outsiders who'd call us creepy are the jealous ones.
     
  10. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Why is being interested in someone something to be ashamed of or feel guilty about?

    It doesn't matter if it's a workplace situation or not.

    Why is someone that is interested in another person made out to be something wrong and something to be publicly shamed for?

    It doesn't make sense and it's immature. Your coworkers are behaving like elementary school children.

    Your coworkers seem to think it's something negative and creepy, but why do you think of it that way?

    Being ashamed about your desires and having hidden intentions is what I would call creepy. Being proud of what you want and going for what you want is normal.
     
    Landser likes this.
  11. Sardonic

    Sardonic Fapstronaut

    @elevate I never actually went for it, in fact I spoke to multiple people about it and didn't directly go to her. Before she knew I liked her we got on really well, perhaps even light flirting but I wanted to hold off on making a move because she was motivation for me to pass 111 days streak and when Red told me I would be unsuccessful I took it as a sign not to bother. When I found out from a co- worker that I was being gossiped about her opinion was also that I shouldn't bother. I realized I was making her uncomfortable and decided I wanted to speak to her, but then I had a week off work during which she blocked me and here we are.

    That, in a nutshell, is why I feel bad. I guess, as you put it, I had hidden intentions. I wanted the motivation but I also wanted her. You can't have your cake AND eat it.
     
  12. Emm... You go to work to work not date. Never a good idea to have feelings for someone you work with and if you happen to have feelings you never anyone know.
     
  13. Sardonic

    Sardonic Fapstronaut

    Turns out I blew this situation out of proportion slightly. I exchanged "good morning"s with Pink but that was all. Turns out she has some family problems or something (see what I mean about gossip) so I plan on giving her space.

    I also spoke with Red, we had a catch-up and were civil. I decided, possibly against my better judgement, to try to address my problem with her face-to-face but didn't get far before work stuff seperated us. I'm thinking I owe her an apology.

    I also deleted Facebook. Talk about closing the stable door after the horse bolted.
     
    AUTiger7222 likes this.
  14. Sardonic

    Sardonic Fapstronaut

    I don't know what this forums policies on bumping your own threads, so if I'm breaking some sort of rule do let me know.

    I find myself in a similar situation now as I did when I made this thread nearly 3 months ago.My overall mood had improved all the way up until last week when I spent an entire work day around Pink, Red and a third, very toxic co-worker. Their constant inane chatter really killed my mood, to the point where I took the next day off work to drink with my friends, it was that bad.

    The next work day I was around Pink for an hour or so and we had "that conversation" long story short she blocked me because she didn't know how to deal with the crush and the gossip, and the reason I was doomed to fail is because she has an, in my opinion, unhealthy Friends with Benefits set-up with her ex back home. I never stood a chance.

    I went on Facebook Messenger, to speak to another co-worker and she was on my contact list, I was unblocked. We spoke for a LONG time, I did what I always do and overshared my story. I said I wanted to be friends but let's face it I was lying to myself. The next day I asked her to reblock me, so I wouldn't be tempted to keep trying and she basically told me to grow up. The truth hurts, on top of rejection and now, like the title says, I dread going back.
     
  15. AUTiger7222

    AUTiger7222 Fapstronaut

    You sound a lot like me in that you don't handle rejection well and that it really hurts your feelings and that after that you feel kinda awkward around that person. Here's the thing, you have the power to block her just as easily as she can block you. But sounds like you don't want to be the one to take that step because somewhere in the back of your mind you're still clinging to something that isn't there between her and you.

    I speak from experience with that and I'm currently getting over my own similar such issue. The only difference between mine situation and your situation is that you never made it passed the awkward friends stage and I made it to a friends with benefits stage before she decided to reverse course. We're still friends but the rewiring my thinking about her to a strict platonic only situation has been hard. But that's because I've got so many self esteem issues, which you do too as well. You need to take the steps I'm taking to become comfortable and confident in who you are that way the next time rejection happens, and I'm not just talking about romantic rejection, you're able to just shake it off and keep going like it's nothing.

    At the end of the day you have to be your own biggest cheerleader and support group. You've got to throw yourself a pep rally. Believe that you're worthy of one day having a romantic partner. But right now you're not there because you can't even handle telling a co-worker you have a crush on her and her turning you down. I'm not saying she's handled things 100% correct either, but you can't worry about the way she handled it. You can only worry and control the way you handled it and you haven't handled it well.

    Also, as I said in my first reply to you, I've had to learn the hard way that you don't trust co-workers. You don't talk to them about personal issues because they almost always run behind your back and tell someone else and before you know it you end up in a work situation that is very uncomfortable for all involved and as your thread title says, you thread going back. It's also very wise advice to never talk to co-workers on social media. Again I know from experience. I got fired from a job because I thought I could trust one of my co-workers and told her about some issues I was having with one of the bosses. Well she went behind my back and showed the boss the texts I had sent her and the boss wasn't happy and I got a stern talking too. Well I tried to talk to her on Facebook about it and figure out why she betrayed my trust the way she did and two days later I got a phone call saying I was not welcomed to come back to work.

    So yeah, never mix business and pleasure. Work is work and play is play. If you keep your work relationships strictly businesslike and professional then you can never be in the wrong for any gossip or anything else of that nature that happens and you can be proud of yourself and hold your head up high. I really hope you're able to pull yourself together and figure out how to build your self esteem so that you become comfortable and confident in who you are so that you can move forward with healthy relationships in all areas of your life.
     
    Sardonic likes this.
  16. Nick:3

    Nick:3 Fapstronaut

    dude, who gives a damn if you liked a girl? Guys fancy girls all the time, it's in our nature, we're horny fucks! lol
    In any case I'm pretty sure that no one is too bothered by it, and fuck that girl if she blocked you on facebook, you're doing nofap (and seem to have been successful with it a while) therefore you're a high value male in my book.

    This type of situation is common, where a guy fancys a girl and she isn't available, it happens to so many guys every day, and tbh a lot of guys approach girls every day for them to be rejected. I think you should get out and start talking to girls a lot, heck even try messaging a couple so that you won't give a damn about 1 single girl. Also it's not awkward, just view yourself as being above her and don't have any time for her. Period.

    Ngl I probably gave a hateful view on the whole thing, but it's just my thoughts on hearing your problemo :3 in any case, if you don't like it there change jobs, but give it another chance with the attitude of "it's not awkward if I don't make it awkward", chant to yourself "I am confidence, I am confident" stuff like that when you look at yourself in the mirror or when you have a cold shower.
     
    Sardonic likes this.
  17. ProtagonistOfMyLife

    ProtagonistOfMyLife Fapstronaut

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    That's why we have rules and boundaries, not only for others but also ourselves. If we have integrity, we follow them.

    Not romantically seeing work colleagues is one of these rules. It never ends well. Learn from this experience.
     
    AUTiger7222 likes this.

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