I don't know

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Katrina Rose, Nov 29, 2018.

  1. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

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    I don't know what to think about this.
    My bf and I have been together for a little over a year now. Things have gotten better gradually over the last 6 month's since our huge DDay.
    We were in love long before we ever got close to intimate. Before our first kiss even. We actually went on dates and, I felt, dated the right way. In the past 20 years of my dating life he is the first man I've loved BEFORE we had sex. So It's been an entirely different and good experience for me in that aspect.
    Now, we are in a good place. The best we've ever been. Our sex life has been on track for the past couple months and enjoyable.
    But what I'm experiencing recently, as in the past few days, is a very vulnerable feeling after sex. Not in a bad way, or due to any issues between us. It's in this wierd and pure way. And I know he's experiencing the same thing. So what the hell is it?
     
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  2. Trappist

    Trappist Fapstronaut

    Sounds beautiful.
     
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  3. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    I get the same thing when things are going very well. For me initimacy and vulnerability are closely linked. To be truly intimate with someone you expose your most vulnerable places - physically and emotionally. If you are both feeling the same, embrace it - and each other.

    ANH
     
  4. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Well I was gonna say “Intimacy “, but someone else beat me to the punch. Enjoy and embrace it. You’re in a very good place.
     
  5. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    It feels weird at first, it kinda feels almost like underlying skepticism at first. If it continues it starts to become the norm and easier to embrace without thought. It’s the beginning of feeling trust in the intimacy. I can attest with the consistency of it, it feels good again and you start to forget what that little bit of skepticism feels like. It’s a good thing, you are feeling the effectiveness of your healing together.
     
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  6. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    OMG, this is exciting. He get's it! He really gets it! Here's to reaching across the digital realm to give you a digital hug. You worked so long and hard for it!
     
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  7. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all so much!!!! I appreciate all of you more than you know. Things wouldn't be good without this place, and all of your insight and advice.
     
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  8. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    If you would allow me, I'd like to summarize a few things here, because I think this is profoundly important that so many people miss. I don't just know a lot about this damned addiction. I know a lot about relationships too. Perhaps that's why SO's like me and a lot of PA's don't. I'm one of those who could give a damn because I know in my heart that I am going to do the right thing no matter what it cost me. Enough about me though.
    Fortunately, I do.
    This is so smart; on both of you. It genuinely is. You got to know one another. But when you say "...before we ever got close to intimate...", let's be clear. And you can correct me if I am wrong, but my interpretation of your statement here is the same thing as saying "...before we began having sex with one another...". Is that a fair statement? Too many of us have spent so much ridiculous exhaustive energy on that coveted prize, sex, we've forgotten how to courting one another. This is also why there are more divorced people than married people in this world today. But that's another topic for another time. The lesson here is "Get to know one another first".
    And this is why "...Get to know one another first..." is so crucial to success. This sex life of yours, in spite of the PMO journey that brought you here, is grounded in intimacy. It is why your sex life is so rewarding.
    Yeah, I already addressed this too. In a word; "Intimacy".
    It is THIS!
    And it is THIS! "...physically and emotionally..." and mentally!
    And it is THIS! Whenever I see women who are crushed by betrayal in here, it is for this reason I know unequivocally, that the answer is "YES" to "...can I ever trust him again?..." This is how! I've witnessed it occur too many times to doubt it. There are no guarantees bar one. If you don't commit to intimacy, at some point, your relationship will come crumbling down like Atlantis.
    It takes a village. It takes learning and understanding the dynamics at play and the lies that society have fed us. But most importantly, it takes you to commit to doing your part to become intimate, not because you want to be served, but because you want to serve. Serve him, and him you, and the rest of the magic and the riches that come with it will be yours for the enjoyment. Love you @Katrina Rose. Well done young lady. Well done.
     
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  9. Rio

    Rio Fapstronaut

    That's good. I thought there was no hope for your relationship but it appears I was wrong. :emoji_relaxed:
     
  10. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. We were like long lost friends from the start. We messaged for 2 months before ever going on an actual date. (Even though we were acquaintances before this) After our first time out it was just fireworks for both of us. That is why the PMO was so devastating for us. We were so passionate about eachother before the bedroom phase, and it didn't transfer. It all cycles through from that point and taints all the memories you have of that "perfect partner". It took ME a long time to even start healing. I thought, with the gaslighting in the beginning, I may have over reacted and over thought this situation. I thought I may be just too damaged to deal with "normal" behaviour. I came here so desperate to find some glimmer of hope. Reading other PAs journeys put into perspective how bad my own SOs addiction really was, and how hard he would have to fight for our relationship. The other SOs here have taught me that we come out stronger if we're lucky, and life still goes on even if things are falling apart. I love you all like family.
     
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