I Did Something Last Year That is Tearing Me Apart

This is good to hear, just keep on moving forwards!

 

All good stuff!

I went to therapy yesterday and we talked about acceptance. It’s a hard thing to do but it seems that all anxiety including ocd has to do with wanting to control the outcome of something and force it to be what we want it to be.

If we let go of that control and accept the flow of the universe, then we can relax and stop obsessing.

This is a new concept so not sure how to do this. But knowing it’s an issue with needing to control everything, I can now YouTube/google for ways to release the control.

 

I know I’m still MasterRoshi but here’s a book my therapist reccomenddd and I finally started reading it. It’s great for this type of thinking

Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626254346/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_tWvWh4PsqSdAz

 

Calm the fuck down for starters

 

I have read all of your story. Your best and main priority just needs to be to stop all PMO for the foreseeable future, or if possible then even consider forever. As you reach months of no PMO, the images associated to thoughts are more and more forgotten, and it will also allow the emotions attached to the past slowly dismantle.

If you ty and use your experience as a way to be really anti-porn, what happened would be less of a regret as it would then be the wake up call and the very reason why you quit. Hope that makes sense?

This is the whole trouble with people who become addicted to the porn and get glued to computer screens for years. Nofap isn’t anywhere near as known or as advertised as it should be. All someone has to do is go to YouTube, Facebook, wherever! The porn is everywhere and in all forms, the internet and especially Google isn’t as under control as it should be. Heck, even in public it is bad, we live in a horribly over-sexualised world.

In your shoes, I would A. Quit all PMO and try to forever. B. Tell your GP your addiction and what’s happened that is bothering you most. They can arrange counselling/therapy if that’s needed to help control your thoughts and headspace, as well as help you think in a way that curves you from doing it again. C. Learn from the mistake to not do this again, at the same time don’t beat yourself up too much, that is kind of pointless really, yes it wasn’t right and you shouldn’t do it again, however what’s happened has now happened, so dwelling on it too much will only cause you to either relapse again or lead you to be at an even worse point than you got to and do more this kind of PMO, which is obvs. the path you don’t want to go down. Your years of addiction to porn has affected your mind and then led you to this point, that is not deliberate but you know now to stop and then after more time you will be able to move on. After a long time, the past no longer exists, only as much as you let it. D. Pick up a new hobby and stick to it so that you kill a load of time. E. That will put this experience much further in the past and become something that you think to ‘yeah that happened once, but that was also the very thing that stopped my whole addiction and led me to my new, better life’.

Hope this helps you, I think the above steps will give you a better headspace and turn what happened into a positive outcome rather than a negative one.

 

No worries. You will be ok as long as you don’t go back to it. Feeling the way you have (I have felt like you) it is kinda good, because it means your gonna behave better in future and do the right thing. Just don’t beat yourself up for the rest of your life, life goes on and it is not fair on yourself to put yourself down if you take months/years of corrective action. People make mistakes. As months/years pass by, what you did then is not what you are right now, as an addict you were bound to bump into a situation like this. Many people here have, or have been in even worse situation than you. As long as it’s the very reason you stop, then you have done what you needed to do.