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I can't get over my ex gf

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Kurmutziku, Jan 16, 2017.

  1. Kurmutziku

    Kurmutziku Fapstronaut

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    My ex-gf broke up with me over text (didn't even have the audacity to talk over the phone) on December 3, 2016. She said she needed space, didn't want to be in any relationship and time to work on herself. That it wasn't me personally and nothing that I did. I don't really believe that because there been issues leading up to this and I have been depressed for a while. I react a little bit, but not too crazy. The problem is the next day her location shows she is at some random house at night and turns off location at 11pm. That's when I go crazy the next day. I ask her about it, and she says she was at a friend's house. I couldn't handle it, so I send a barrage of texts calling her out for seeing someone already. She tells me we are broken up and to stop texting her. I keep on going and she keeps telling me to "f off, I didn't sleep with anybody. It was just a friend. I was there and I went home right after" BS. My heart is literally broken at this point. I couldn't help myself. I even called 4 times and left 4 voicemails. I probably looked like a maniac. I just couldn't believe she had moved on that quickly. Still, I didn't get any real closure (prolly because she has symptoms of BPD). Even after all of that, she says she doesn't want to hang out with me for now. Can't even say "I'm done with you completely". I apologize 11 days later over text, no response. I creepily call her with a different phone number at her job and hang up 21 days later, she finds out and texts me about. I text her back some BS I was thinking about her and she doesn't respond. I send 3 more texts after that in a period of 4 days, 2 of them apologizing for the call and finally she says "you can't keep texting me". I tell her I'll respect your space from now on. I still have her on all my social media, she even viewed my snap the other day. I don't know anymore I'll try no contact but it's super hard to.

    The problem is I been trying to stop PMOing, but I haven't been able to stop. Today I relapsed again and again thinking about her. I'm worried I might have PTSD (kind of dramatic maybe but still that's how bad I feel). This isn't a dating forum but I had to post this because it definitely connects with my PMOing. I been a constant PMOer for 7 years.
     
  2. Determined528

    Determined528 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man you know what I'm going through the exact same thing. My ex gf keeps telling me she wants to fix us yet I'm catching her in the act of going out to parties and stuff with other guys. It makes me so pissed because we've be together for so long and she doesn't even wanna admit it. Bottom line me too I was thinking about her too much tonight and I just relapsed to make me feel better. But it didn't make me feel any better bro because it doesn't change the fact that she's with other guys it only affects us because we're the ones lowering ourselves
     
    Jclear99, h215 and SnowWhite like this.
  3. Determined528

    Determined528 Fapstronaut

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    Look i don't know you, but I'm willing to go through the nofap journey with you if you're willing to try it. I've kept clean for weeks at a time and I know how much better it feels on the other side, my goal now is to get there and stay there! If you would join me it would give me so much self esteem bro honestly, because I know that I'm not alone with gf problems and just life problems
     
  4. Bigballs

    Bigballs Fapstronaut

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    I'm with you guys too count me in
     
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  5. Oh boy. So you are taking the breakup tough. I don't know you're situation but if she was seeing someone already I'm pretty sure you would have an idea who. So do yourself a favor and believe her. Remove her from all social media. And she has told you to "be done with her completely" multiple times. You just weren't listening. While she is "finding herself" you'll be improving yourself. I think the gym would be good for you.
     
  6. Determined528

    Determined528 Fapstronaut

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    You want to be? The more of us the better bro
     
    SnowWhite likes this.
  7. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    I can totally relate, I know this exact same mechanism, had it several times in my life.

    a) She is not fleeing from you, she is fleeing from herself. She has fears and she is in panic. Women are pre-programmed to "care", and she is fleeing from that. Of course she feels that you are unstable and she fears that she needs to be responsible for you.

    b) Don't clinge on her. Don't "apologize". She will feel this as clinging. Don't contact her, don't stalk her. Don't do that, under no circumstances. The more you "apologize", the more she will flee.

    c) Totally forget her. That's super important. Don't run after her. Don't phone her. Delete her off all your contacts, don't look after her profiles in facebook or whatsapp or anything. Remove all her things the quickest as possible.
    Every try of you to contact her will only hurt yourself.

    d) Focus on yourself. This is the best you can do. You will see, it takes around 2 months, then you will be very stable again.

    e) If she should contact you, then be polite with her, be caring and very relaxed. Neither 'apologize' to her, nor be harsh on her. Try to be really relaxed and stable. Show her that you are the master of the situation.

    Both of you are unstable. The idea is that you both need to get stable.
    You cannot change her, but you can change yourself.

    Unfortunately, you must now live with the situation. There is no wonder pill. This is life. Millions of people have experienced the exact same.
    But in a few moths you will see that it was an important experience which will make you grow up.
     
  8. Kurmutziku

    Kurmutziku Fapstronaut

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    Yeah it's too bad I don't get to see my therapist for 3 more weeks. My mind is pretty f***ed right now. I never thought she would leave me like this so it's really hard to get over by myself. Girls want all this love from you and think they are full of all this love, but at the end of the day I honestly think we have the biggest hearts (In general I'm speaking). The problem with the gym is, I have to finish my injury rehab first before I can really work out but I appreciate the advice.

    Yeah, I'll join you guys too. My first day will be today, January 16. We should keep each other accountable.
     
    HopefulChristian likes this.
  9. Kurmutziku

    Kurmutziku Fapstronaut

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    I hear you man. I appreciate the advice. I have already removed her pictures from my phone and things from my house. I don't think I'll go as far as deleting her off my social media but I'll definitely not check up on them anymore. It's messing with my head and I need to move on. She even told me she lacks empathy too which is funny I should have seen this coming. I even thought of breaking up with her before, but I just was too lonely. I think my problem is I don't have any friends.
     
    SnowWhite likes this.
  10. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    @Kurmutziku You have good insights and you are on the right path.

    A relationship is very often "misused" for seeking emotional stability. But in fact, you can find this stability only within yourself.

    If you look for stability in others, than it is like walking with a crook. Once the crook is away, you fall.

    Therefore, seek to become stable. This a process, and it will also be hurting for a long while. But look forward.

    I recommend you to reduce social media at all and to meet people in reality as often as possible. You said you have no friends, so begin with that. There are many occasions where you can find really good friends.

    The more you are sitting alone at home and "just thinking", you are making yourself crazy.
     
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  12. Kurmutziku

    Kurmutziku Fapstronaut

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    Yeah the more I think about it, I only liked her for her body. I didn't like her personality a whole lot. She told me she probably has BPD, so with my depression and anxiety and her personality disorder, it was a sure fire fail. I have definitely fell from the crook. It's too bad, if this wasn't my first relationship it could have been different. But no more regretting and PMOing. Time to get out there and actually meet people.
     
    SnowWhite likes this.
  13. It's really good you have a therapist during this time! Do they know you're in NoFap? I hope you heal soon!
     
    Kurmutziku likes this.
  14. BPD is Bipolar Disorder. It's a mood disorder not a personality one. Also I think you guys mean "crutch", not crook :)
     
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  15. Kurmutziku

    Kurmutziku Fapstronaut

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    Nah it's Borderline Personality Disorder. I did some research on it and it's a little different than being Bipolar. They live in a different reality, so it definitely makes sense now. She looked at me as the older man who would be emotionally strong enough to care for her. Once she realized I was unstable and wasn't really improving, kick to the curb. Now I realize the reason I wasn't improving because I haven't been single for almost 2 years now.
     
  16. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    Yes you are right! I meant crutch of course. Just mixed it up. It's "Krücke" in German which sounds similar to "crook".
     
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  17. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    Man, you have super insights! It's perfect!
    And that kind of situation is very common, you are not alone.

    Yes, focus on improving yourself. Build your own environment, your own projects, your friends, get organized.

    That all will stabilize you. And try to abstain from PMO. When you surpass urges, it will make you inside stronger. It's absolutely possible to live without sex at all. You don't need to become a monk forever, see it as an transitional venture on your way to self improvement.
     
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  18. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    I read it here - she is borderline, he is bipolar ;)

    Yes of course. I don't see "problems". People want to have a good time. It's all about having a good time your life long, not just an up & down of short episodes

    If you go really straight, you are stable again in 2 months. It's important to forget her, and to focus on yourself.
    Get organized, get into the gym, meet friends and work on projects you really like.
     
  19. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    That's interesting, I read it now up about borderline.

    I was bipolar myself, but it's now very stable (I'm 44). And it sounds to me that you are similar.

    And borderline for the girlfriend ... I had a similar episode like yours, and now it becomes clearer to me. Maybe my woman from that time also is borderline.
    She wanted to be a "submissive" and had tendencies for self-destruction (drugs, alcohol) ... also tendencies to be extremely impulsive and fleeing...
     
  20. IGY

    IGY Guest

    No! :oops: Bipolar Disorder = BD

    Borderline Personality Disorder = BPD

    Simples :rolleyes:
     
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