So I little about myself, I am 22 years old and have been addicted to porn since I was like 13 years old. I watched it everyday and needed it to sleep. It started with hetero-sex, eventually started fetish genres like interracial and milf. Later I went shemales, gayporn and eventually animal porn. I really felt disgusted after watching them. I didn't watch them daily but maybe like once a month. It gave a 'new sexual' stimulation. I also had a game addiction and a chronic depression in my late teens. Through my whole teens I had no need for sex or a girlfriend. I had a girlfriend who I fell in love with when I was 13 and kissed another girl when I was like 18. After that no encounters at all. I sexually fantasied about girls and it turned me on as far I can remember. I thought about sex all day when I was in my early teens, I imagined sex with this teacher who had very big boobs. Nowadays I have no desire at all for sex or anything at all. I have no fun in most things that should be. I just wanna lay in bed all day thats how bad my depression is. I met a girl abroad last year which I liked. She wanted to have sex with me and I wanted it to. But I didnt felt aroused or that I really want to. But she was beautiful and I wanted to do it with her. We didnt had sex bcuz I drank too much and was pied. I quit porn like 1 month before but still masturbated sometimes after. I fell in love with her after she went back home. Weeks long I couldn't stop thinking about her, I had butterflies in my stomach, I missed her and I wanted to see her again. I saw her again 3 months later, but I couldnt have sex with her, I was still pied. Kissing her made my dick went limb, but I wanted it. We kissed for like an hour, but I really didnt feel it. We tried 3 days, the last day it worked a bit. I got my dick like half erect and had sex with her. But I wasn't satisfied with it at all. I had no feelings with it and wasn't sexually aroused. I felt so ashamed after but I still talked with her a lot and still liked her. I told her some excuse and she was fine it. Now its 3 months later and I still feel not recovered. I fantasized about her and got a bit of an erection I guess. But still not that I feel that I want sex. I became so depressed after because it feels like I cant have sex anymore. I talked with the psychologist, talked with the doctor. I even have a appointment scheduled with the urologist for a checkup. I was stressed and had an headache daily about all this. I felt worthless. I even had thoughts of suicide. I told my dad finally about my problems and he mentioned like oh that isnt too bad. I was thinking of being gay or smthing. After that I started really thinking if I am gay or not. I did fantasize in my teens about gay sex and I even watched it sometimes. But I never thought about having relation with a guy, or felt in love or had the urge to have sex with a guy. I started wondering more and now I am thinking that might actually be gay. I get aroused by the thoughts of gay sex or watching gay porn. But if I watch lesbian it feels boring. The girl body feels boring and I dont get aroused. But seeing just penis gets me aroused for some reason, meaning my dick starts to react to it. I really fear that I might be gay, but I cant see a life with me being into a relationship with a man or have sex with a man. It disgust me and if I have to live that life I rather kill myself. What I am worried about is that I never will be able to have normal sex with a girl and therefore a normal relationship. I am afraid my relationship will end and afraid to lose her. I like her so much, I talk to her everyday all day long. I thinking so much about the future with and now this is happening I scared that this wont be my future. I am fine if I am bisexual actually but than I choose for girls in the end. But being gay I would rather end my life right now. I relapsed a few times last 2 weeks to check if I am gay or not with porn. It didn't do me any good. I even downloaded an app grinder to see if this is who I am. A lot of guys started messaging me but I feel disgusted by it and didn't respond to any. Looking at their pictures doesn't turn me on at all. What is wrong with me? Will I ever be normal again?