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I can't believe I am here! Please read this if you got out of porn misery.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Newdawn930, May 7, 2017.

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  1. May 7, 2017 #1
    Newdawn930

    Newdawn930 Fapstronaut

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    I can't believe time has run so fast since I was in grade 10 when I was telling myself I will stop, now I have about 2 years to finish college and find myself a job..

    I can't believe I failed so many exams in my life after I was the top in my class, I sometimes walk in the street with my tears about to go down my face.

    I can't believe I relapsed so many times and that I relapsed after 20 days (this is not the first time to reach 20 I don't know should I reset or not)

    I look at others who can think about hard concepts and take decisions fast, those who approach others and speak in public without fear, those who started with me in college and now reaching their dreams, those who wakeup in the morning enjoying their new day with out much fear of the future, I feel the sorrow on myself.

    I want to sleep forever but I know this won't help me out of my misery, the kid inside me who was 11 one day has just wokeup with all bad feelings a kid can feel, shame, fear, shock, anxiety, and all my memories since I was young are flashing back into my mind as if they have been yesterday! I look at my dad who has now white hair and i remeber him 10 years back, i feel i never lived with him, he was deprived from me... I don't know what is happening to me, everything wokeup inside me suddenly
    I want to know what to do, I have exams coming up, my life is misery, ....I need help but I don't know what I need, I wish I didn't have to go the hardest thing to go through alone , but I am alone and I can't tell anyone.
    I can't believe I am here..
    I just can't ...
     
    Newdawn930, May 7, 2017
    Newdawn930, May 7, 2017
    #1
    Deleted Account and sparkywantsnoPMO like this.
  2. May 7, 2017 #2
    sknnyjns

    sknnyjns Fapstronaut

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    I have had the same thing recently, a lot of lost memories from the past coming back. I think it is a sign of your recovery so it is a good sign! Now don't think that all those People have no worries, maybe some are even going through a rougher period than yourself so don't beat yourself up on that. You cannot change the past but you can make your future so don't worry to much about things you cannot change anymore and focus on the things you can. I know this Journey can be though sometimes but please keep going and I promise it will get better! Good luck with your exams!
     
    sknnyjns, May 7, 2017
    sknnyjns, May 7, 2017
    #2
  3. May 7, 2017 #3
    Newdawn930

    Newdawn930 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for taking time to read my post :)
     
    Newdawn930, May 7, 2017
    Newdawn930, May 7, 2017
    #3
    sknnyjns likes this.
  4. May 24, 2017 #4
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    This post has hit me indeed. I feel utterly the same, im few years older than you, and this habit, I wasn't planning to have it on my life, my life just happend to walk to it. Its complicated. I also feel like I skipped a portion of my life, my golden years, my teenage. :( There is nothing better to do to get your life back, but to stop now. Stop. Take that decision. Know that you are the only one who can get you out of this, coming here is a decision that you only would have taken. Seeking support and help is not bad, whats bad is wasting more of your years on it. Don't skip any years ahead, you need and want to start living them.
     
    Deleted Account, May 24, 2017
    Deleted Account, May 24, 2017
    #4
    Newdawn930 and sparkywantsnoPMO like this.

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