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I can not go out to the street, thanks to my social phobia

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Mark85, Jan 7, 2018.

  1. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    Hello, I'm new to nofap, since I started high school I started to suffer bullyng, depression, abuse of pmo, social phobia etc, I need help, all that literally destroyed my life, and to top it all I have the upset of daydreaming, too I feel that all people always judge me, discriminate against me, etc. I lived in my perfect world mentally a long time, I want to get out of it. Please help me. If someone feels that way, or something like that, tell me how I get over it.
     
    pezzer, u376 and Mike Bonanno like this.
  2. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    I can not look anyone in the eye, I feel locked up, not to mention going out with friends, or girls or going out to parties, or being a "sociable person". I shut myself up so much in my dreams and in my mind that I can no longer go out on the street, I feel ashamed even the most stupid. Thank God I found this site.
     
    pezzer and Mike Bonanno like this.
  3. Hi Mark,
    First: welcome here on Nofap!

    I can relate to your issues.
    It was only a few years ago that I found myself having agoraphobia. Fear to go out.
    In that time I was heavily hooked on porn. The shame and other negative feelings that gave me, was the reason I couldn't go out. I felt so ashamed that I couldn't look somebody in the eyes.
    I forced myself to go to the supermarket when the refrigerator was empty. That kind of things.

    But shame is the emotion that blocks you.

    I've been bullied in the past when I was at your age. It were horrible years for me.
    I couldn't talk with my parents about that. I just never learned how to talk. And they didn't ask me.
    For years I was in survival-mode. Later I learned to open up to people I could really trust.
    That is what we need. To talk to somebody.

    So glad you are here. Thousands of people you can talk to :)
    Best you start a journal, your own thread where you can be as honest as you want about your inner stuff.
    If you want to read mine, click on the button left under my avatar.
     
    Lonewolfpt and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much Roady, it's good to find someone who went through the same thing. Today I have to do a mini bus trip and the truth is that I am very nervous, but very nervous but I will surely be able to overcome it. Thank you very much for your advice, I have only two friends with whom I open a little, I had many more that were very toxic. The truth is that I want to meet new people and I do not know how to do it. I do not have the will power to do it.
     
  5. Hi Mark,
    For sure there are many more people with social phobia.

    It may help you if you zoom in on your nervosity and describe to yourself the exact things that you are scared for and what will happen to you.
    You are right. Toxic relationships doesn't help you further.
    For friendships you don't need will power. If you are open for them, they will just come.
     
  6. I had similar struggles as well. Roady gave great advice about opening up about your struggles. You'll also find tons of people on this site who have had similar struggles. This advice may cause you some anxiety, in fact I expect it to, but you need to hear. The way you overcome fear is by facing it. Not recklessly and blindly, but with the understanding that there are some things you can control and some things you can't. For instance, you can control whether you go to the gym, join a club, do sports, or do something you like around other people. You don't even have to be that talkative. Sure some people may find you awkward at first, some may bully you for that awkwardness, but you can't control it so don't dwell on it. The key isn't to never get knocked down, but to keep getting back up and trying again. Some people will respect you for that. After stumbling and a lot of awkward moments, eventually you'll find that fear has lessened and it isn't so difficult to "put yourself out there". But you will still probably be awkward. And then slowly you'll start being more comfortable around people. You'll be able to talk to them and connect and will not feel so nervous about it. Don't expect this to happen overnight, or over-week, or even over the next few months. When you get knocked down, get back up and focus on what you can control, not what you can't. When you look back you won't regret how others treated you but you will regret how you reacted if it was in fear.
     
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  7. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much, i will try it
     
  8. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    Someone here feels the hatred I feel for phrases like "I know you can not do it, but try it, and if you fail, try again" I know that you do not have to hate anything but I repudiate the "attempt". Although God gives me strength to do things and finish them in an attempt. God bless you and thank you for everything.
     
  9. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE = "Roady, post: 1243890, member: 169739"] ¿Cómo experimentaste el viaje en autobús del que me hablaste? [/ QUOTE]
    The truth that was postponed, thanks to me, I indirectly said that I did not want to go, but hey, the days after I finished doing various social activities, so I feel good. Thank you very much for your interest and God bless you.
     
    Roady likes this.
  10. You can start by doing small things. Try to have eye contact with someone for little perioid of time then build up on something else. For example randomly asking someone where a certain coffee shop is or something like that.

    We often build things to be really scary and huge in our mind but in reality it is only in our head. I often overthink things too much which leads me not trying something or me speaking myself out of something.

    Bullying sucks and it for sure leaves you with not trusting many people I can speak for myself here. After some time has passed you begin to forget the bullying and eventually you leave those things in the past. Just because you were bullied it does not mean it has to be a rotting memory in your head and affect the rest of your life.

    Start with small steps and build yourself up!
     
    u376 and Mark85 like this.
  11. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for answering, your advice is very good friend, these days I am struggling with that, today I have to go out to provide a service and the truth is I am nervous but I will remember everything that you taught me. God bless you.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  12. ''Providing the service'' Mark the giggolo?

    Just joking around:rolleyes:
     
  13. culion

    culion Fapstronaut

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    I recommend you a video game called Social Interaction Trainer, is free and you will learn a lot about eye contact. I have issues with eye contact too, so i bought a book about improving social skills which has been helpful.

    In social interactions you have multitasking. Unfortunately, most introverts (I am one) don't have this skills. When you talk to someone you have to make eye contact, listen the conversation, do facial expressions for reactions and thinking about what are you going to say, all of this at the same time. And this is only one to one interaction, imagine a group interaction. That is why most introverts are observers and listeners at social interactions.

    When I talk to someone I do the interaction step by step. When I start talking I don't do eye contact but I give the idea that im focusing in the conversation, so first I focus on looking at my hands then checking my phone a bit or focusing on something that surrounds you for a little bit like a statue in a park, then I go back to look at my hands. Then when I finish saying an idea I make eye contact to the person for some seconds. Is a more step by step interaction than an multitasking one and works. Give the idea that you are focusing in the conversation, if you look at the ground or the sky it won't help because people will think you are not interested in talking with them.
    The same is when the person starts talking to you. You can make eye contact when the person is talking but if the person don't eye contact back while talking with you is ok.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2018
    Mark85 likes this.
  14. Hang in there Brother!
    I too can relate very much your situation. There's lots of great tips in earlier posts, but here's mine. I have great difficulties watching other person in the eye and I use this Youtube video of girls face to practice my eye contact.

    - Mike
     
    Mark85 likes this.
  15. Just do not stare that long at somebody. Makes them think you want what is inside the purse. :rolleyes:

    Someone commented on the video ''How to practice fap contact'' lol
     
    Mike Bonanno likes this.
  16. Definitely don't stare anybody 5 minutes straight. At least blink your eyes every now and them :D
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  17. Then you blink and yell ''Boonk gang'':eek:
     
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  18. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice bro, I do the same think what you do, look at the eyes when the speak finish. Thank you very much and God bless you.
     
  19. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE = "Mike Bonanno, publicación: 1244933, miembro: 144787"] ¡Quédate, hermano!
    I too can relate very much your situation. There's lots of great tips in earlier posts, but here's mine. I have great difficulties watching other person in the eye and I use this Youtube video of girls face to practice my eye contact.

    - Mike[/QUOTE]
    Lol, that is amazing dude, I will practicing
     
  20. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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