I broke my porn habit but I still look at women objectifyingly?

Gotta say, if you do ever rid yourself of pied and go back to porn it'll happen all over again. It will never end. An ongoing cycle. This habit will ruin you if you let it dominate you, if my boyfriend went back to using porn it would be over for us, weak erections, emotional emptiness, lack of empathy, only interested in porn. No thanks. I honestly wish you the best and hope it really does work out for you. But porn is not included in my present or future.

 

I am fearing that as soon as I will start watching again my PIED will reappear, if this will be the case I think I will eliminate porn completely but who knows maybe couple of hentais here and there when I am rebooted won't hurt me...at least this is what I hope.

 

That's what we all say. I'm telling you it's not worth.

 

Indeed but I don't want to make assumptions beforehand.

 

Porn addiction + you = pied
You + life style change -porn addicting= healthier sexuality
Healthier sexuality + porn = complacency
Complacency + porn = porn addiction
Porn addiction + you = pied

Did I mention I love unicorns?

 

It doesn't have to be like that!
Check this out:
1.Porn addiction + you = pied
2.You + life style change -porn addicting= healthier sexuality
3.Healthier sexuality + moderate and intelligent use of porn = healthy sexuality + sloots+ enacting fantasies = priceless happiness.

There is nothing that will force me into addiction again so if moderate porn use won't be damaging you can bet this is what I am going to do.
Don't be so sure that I will fall into addiction again...I will have already been there and I will have known the negative consequences it brought so I won't be so stupid to fall into the trap again.
Addiction is a choice!

This is my first attempt to reboot and I guarantee you will never see my counter reset at least 1 year on hard mode or whatever it will take to heal myself. So I think that my confidence for not falling into addiction again is quite solid.

 

In general, with changing thoughts, I mean to change the inner attitude to a positive and relaxed one.

Examples:

• You meet a pretty woman. Instead of lusting for her for, just think "What a pretty sight, thank you for making the world wonderful!".
• You have just lost some money to a greedy salesman. Instead of cursing, think "I have spent it to experiece":
• In car traffic, someone is getting impatient and is honking and shouting at you. Instead of getting mad, just relax and think "How wonderful, I am totally relaxed; I show this to the other one, so he might learn from me"

And so on. Keep a relaxed and peaceful mind, always keep a swinging pace. You can learn that and your life will become very relaxed and nice. Eventually, you will reach a lot of things just effortlessly.

 

I would actually do both at the same time...

I agree with what you say but I don't agree with your method.
I know it is quite a new trend; the one of positive affirmations and of positive reframing (the examples you gave). My problem with this is that it doesn't address the core issues and this is the problem with all of these "fake it till you make it" strategies.
If you curse, get angry, yell and so on...this means that deep inside you have some traumas/unmet needs/insecurities etc...that you need to examine...not to pretend they don't exist, because think about it...why would you get angry in traffic in the first place? You would, if your amygdala was fucked up by years and years of being exposed/enduring abuses.
Being at ease is the natural state of an untraumatized human being, when your brain is not wired for harsh environments it does not need to trigger all these defense mechanism and flight-or-flight hormones.

 

@SnowWhite
By the way...the first example you gave...it is not the first time I see on this forum this mentality, and frankly I find it pretty fucked up.
We evolved as human beings to be sexually aroused and lust for beautiful females, this is an imperative found in every species on Earth.
People who don't lust after a nice ass and voluptuous boobs should go see a doctor because there is unhealthy not to crave after hot mates. A healthy human being should feel lust for attractive mates...if we didn't we probably wouldn't be here on the forums in the first place, it is the way of the nature.
Sure we evolved beyond that merely physical part and we are capable of deeper connections with people around us but it makes me mad that this mentality is still present nowadays. It is a reminiscent of the sexually repressed priests, monks and church that only serves making us embarrassed of our most deeply ingrained desires and needs, fuck that!

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes of all time...
"Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest." - Denis Diderot

 

It's a habit that's stuck in your head. Think back to when you were really young, did "boobs, ass, camel toe" draw your attention at all? I mean when you were like 4-5 years old. We need to get back to that same level of purity of vision, which is what NoFap is all about. It's about "deprogramming" your addicted mind.

 

So instead of putting her on a pedestal you put her on an even bigger pedestal?

Wish I could make the world wonderful that easily

 

Really? This is a bit dim.

 

It is not dim at all...how much clearer can I get than that?
The biggest group of women that endure disrespect and are objectified in the American society for example are African American women...it is horrendous to find out how many abuses they get from their husbands and how many are single mothers. Their kids also grow up in violence and witness female denigration all around them so it is no surprise that so many black men grow up to hate black women.

 

@Zerg Prosecutor I think my thought was not clearly enough formulated. I absolutely do not deny that we are lusting for women. As you say, sex is our main biological drive, which ensures we have descendants.

What I mean is: You can change the way how you treat your own feelings towards women. You see a pretty woman, and her sight gives you pleasure and you feel that inner biologial drive to mate with her. But at this point, you can learn to just enjoy life, and somehow be grateful to the universe that it makes life so pleasant. I mean not like a stalker who is masturbating. I mean a more friendly manner. You can learn to be with woman in a friendly, but yet exciting manner. And women do like this a lot. It's a kind of game. Actually, it's called 'flirting'

 

Science shows there are different types of addicts.
And at least one type has suffered psychologic traumata and the addiction is a way to cope with that.

In my case, I grew up in an emotionally broken house. It was a sign of weakness to show emotions. If you showed, then you were turned off. No cuddling, ever. A child could not sleep and was whining? Well, an ice-cold shower should help! And if that does not work, then a smack into the face will finally turn you down.

In that environment, I learned to hide away all sexual feelings and started with secret sex and masturbation. Pleasure for myself. Always in a hidden place, but good. I was mentally disconnected from my parents and around age 12, I began to live my own life in a parallel world.

I need to say that my parents grew up during WWII, were indoctrinated by Hitler, lost parts of their family, experienced violence every day.
That is an explanation, but of course no excuse.

Today I have made peace with the past and with myself. I don't look back. The past is gone. You can change yourself every day. It's just up to you. Make peace with yourself, understand yourself, and become a balanced person.

 

So how did you break your habit of objectification??? I'd really like to know cause i struggle with it

 

Well, I realized if I would be comfortable with a significant doing what I was doing. Would I be okay with my boyfriend/girlfriend mentally screwing every person in sight (including family members, best friends, ECT..)? Not at all. I've also experienced sexual harassment so feeling like a creeper wasn't a good feeling. I want to look at people like people not meat. Look away. It's okay to find someone attractive but to mentally treat them like a sex toy is disgusting. You have to remember that! A good method is to look at eyebrows and noses, non sexual body parts! You have to want to stop. You need to be in this, I see alot of people fail on here due to the fact that they don't really put their heart into it. People refuse to tell their partners, refuse to see it's a problem( or a symptom of a bigger issue), don't stop masturbating or watching porn or psubs. They aren't strict about it. You need to be. It's tough but it can be done. Over 372 days clean with more respect for people than ever. You just gotta keep going! If you think you can or can't do it, you're right either way. Stay strong!

 

How about this? He calls it the "No Arousal Method":

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=14525.0

 

I see your point and it put alot of things in perspective for me. I would hate it if my significant were to mentally fuck other people (especially family members)therefore why should I? This approach makes me feel to look inward at my problem. Thank you for the insight.

 

I would say, if you're getting sexual pleasure from it (erection not required for it to count) then you are objectifying them, same as you did when you were watching porn.
Here are a couple of related threads that you'll find interesting and may answer your question better than this thread has.

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...ing-at-the-female-physique.40548/#post-271699

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...women-feedback-appreciated.42048/#post-281711