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i am in this dilemma

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by u376, Jul 6, 2018.

  1. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    First of all this can be a long post...
    earlier i posted this in off topic discussion but i didnt got any answers.....this time i would not delete this.......even if no one reply to this...so here it is
    I am a 23 old virgin with no social life....and I am on 200+ without masturbation and horny as hell
    Ok .....so let me tell you something about myself..... since my school days I think when I was in 9th standard....the same year when I masturbated for the first time......when i realized that i have the potential to attract the opposite gender.......i was confident and quite social at that time.......i think maybe my new hairstyle or i dont know what it was .......one specific girl used to behave strangely..........like she used to smile....and her more good looking friend was supportive of her.........my neigbour(boy) who was my friend too....used to tell me that she likes me.............now the thing is it was very surprising for me.........because i have been a quiet and not so cool kid in my junior classes.........and this sudden female attention was quite strange to me.........
    but yes girls of my class(school) know my reality ....haha i mean they know i am not what that tiution's girls might be perceiving me......
    slowly when i turned 15 .....i was in best state of my life......there was no masturbation .......i was doing well in my studies.......and this was the time when that female attention increased........a lot........i dont consider myself attractive........i have definitly my insecurities .......but i was just not in that thing.....as i was just a teenage kid
    so there was this another girl who used to talk with me regarding studies......in front of my few friends and there used to be a continous smile on her face....and sometimes i also smile back at her .............so there are also some other instances like this........when my downfall started (2011) ....i chatted with her last time on fb........and few years back that same girl unfriended me(dont know why)..........
    next year 2011......when i was in depression and confused regarding my career.........this another extroverted girl who used to have many guy friends.........sent a message through my friend to me.......and i know what kind of girl she is......she would definitely use and throw me.........and to be honest i was not interested
    so i ignored her..........there have been such types of instances in my life........where i have that simple oppurtunity to date any of those..........but still ....as i was very young i backed out
    then i went to my college.............which was a complete hell...........then i started to have those feelings to date someone...........but then arrived the bullies, attendance, study pressure,social anxiety, depression because i was not in a college which i have dreamed of.............i literally lost that passion for my career........so my whole college life ........i was just battling all these above things.........
    this all above scenario made me angry over myself, frustrated and bitter towards world .......
    so then came 2017 when i discovered this site......and that same year i completed my graduation.........so i started preparing for mba exam........for that i visited a coaching center...........and guys.........this was a very critical time for me........
    i have done my graduation in civil.......where there are hardly any females..........but at that center.............OMG.......those girls .......there were around 60% girls in our class........and each of them was beautiful(decent word).........but by that time i was filled with anger, bitterness, about these relationships and all that.......
    so each day there was a different girl sitting next to me.........and sometimes we used to chat a bit
    but there were many good looking guys there(who were quite social).......but still that experience was pretty good for me......
    luckily i made there many guy friends.......and i was good in handling my social anxiety a lot........i think because of nofap............
    but you know what ........whenever i develop a feeling(sexual) towards any girl over there.......i just used to repress that...........
    i was filled with past scars......my coaching classes continued for around 5 months........and though i was not able to crack the exam but overall that experience was good..............it instilled in me that..........."you still have that"
    what i have realized is that girls are very strange in terms of attraction
    i think these attraction works subconsciously for them..........
    and this constant question from my superficial friends and relatives....regarding my gf .......still hurts me
    so now the dilemma is that.........i think may be i should open up myself date any girl who is attracted to me...........i will try to charm her just for the sake of my virginity ......and that will instill confidence in me..........but still i dont want to be a person who is getting in relationship just for physical purpose.......because i am not that romantic kind of..........but yes i am a god fearing person and i will never ever hurt a woman......... or i should just approach girls on a friendly note............and if i feel that attraction then i would become serious.......but again the problem is ....its very difficult to find that kind of person..........because now everyone is just using each other...........and another thing is i fear for heartbreaks.........because i have seen that around my surroundings...........how bad they affect the person.......
    so what should i do...........
    should i used my potential just to have casual s*x with them without emotional connect or should i try to find someone whom i really feel that attraction........

    i am sorry for this .........but really i have no one in real life to talk on this matter
    and i am feeling bit ashamed by writing all this
    thanks
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2018
  2. r8js

    r8js Fapstronaut

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    Very well self esteem analysis written
     
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  3. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    thanks.........but what should i do now...............date any girl for losing my virginiy(scoring)........or just find the one to whom i can feel that connect
     
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  4. Woodcutter74

    Woodcutter74 Fapstronaut

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    So reading this I analyzed you have charisma with girls (Super cool), some social anxieties as well... You have desires for women while also having a moral compass. Also you have made an analysis of yourself. All of this is good.

    The question is if you have a chance to sleep with a girl you find attractive you have to ask why you are doing this and what will be the consequences as well. And you must also understand her motives as well.Does she have feelings for you? Is she on the rebound? Is it just for sex? Is she looking for a serious relationship or you just the flavor of the month?

    Also the first girl you might sleep with will not be the last....and for many reasons. However don't use a girl just for that reason . I would say take time to know these future girls and let things happen naturally while being careful .
     
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  5. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Not charisma.....I think I fall in that cute kind of category
    Girls who like bad boys or macho Man don't find me that good
    Social anxiety is a very very big hurdle for me....
    Yes I think if I sense the girl is real serious then I would not use her just for sex.....
    And if she is just lusting for me .....then vice versa.....
    But the thing is getting sexual attraction is quite easy but having that emotional connect is very difficult for me
    That's why I think it would be better to go for casual sex option......
    But I will be very careful ..... .I will never ever hurt any other person feelings
    That's why I think approaching girls as friends is much better
    Then I will understand their personality completely
    And if she come across a horny girl.....
    Then it's a jackpot for me
    Thanks for your time
     
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  6. Woodcutter74

    Woodcutter74 Fapstronaut

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  7. Nil1991

    Nil1991 Fapstronaut

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    Karma hum? first you didn't date a girl cause she maybe wants sex. Now is your time, where is moral? haha, humans seems that just like judge.
     
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  8. Brother Mine!

    The Options You Have Are Basically Three:
    1) Do nothing, stay the same, be the same frustrated personality!
    2) Date any random girl and do the deed!
    3) Focus on your career and do great things (Anything you put your whole effort in becomes great), and let women come into your life by their own accord!

    Now ANSWER THIS QUESTION!
    WHAT KIND OF HAPPINESS DO YOU WANT?
    PERMANENT OR TEMPORARY!

    Option 3 is the hardest and the best rewards are also in it...
    Option 2 is bit easier and for a few months of fun you will get a lifetime of regret or shame
    Option 1 is the easiest and the worst!

    Now, if you want my opinion... Go for number 3, once you make yourself a better man.. Women will fall onto their place and everything will get going..
    Be patient.. everybody says this.. But nobody practices it.. Good things come to those who wait.. I bet if you dedicate 3 YEARS TO PURE SELF DEVELOPMENT
    You will get a partner suitable for a lifetime..

    Your Choice..
    Your Life..
    Choose wisely..
    Peace!!
     
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  9. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    First I didn't date a girl because I was depressed (which still I am ...but condition is better)....and I was worried about my studies
    Now.....well in past week I was having very strong urges.....I apologise for any desperation......but now I am clear that I don't want JUST SEX....I want companionship.....
    I have realized that running after lust will only destroy me........ that's why I take my words back
    And if you look closely .....my dilemma is what to choose...
    And I think I have choose the better road
    Thanks for reading
     
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  10. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Wow..... you really explained well
    And yes I have spent and wasted my years following the first option
    And between 2 and 3 I have realized only 3 has the potential to give me inner peace
    Actually I will consider 2 even worse than 1...
    I am sorry for above comments.....
    I was having some strong urges 10 days back.....
    But after pondering on this and seeing some good examples around me......3 is the best option...
    Because I want to reduce this loneliness....and somehow I have to develop qualities in me to achieve that
    I respect and thank you for your opinion and time
    This solidifies my morals
     
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  11. Anytime my dear friend! I understand it...
     
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  12. SaneNate

    SaneNate Fapstronaut

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    Ask your parents to find you a girl looking for marriage. :)
     
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  13. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Haha
    First I should become capable of earning my bread and butter
    That's why I am focusing on my career
    Relationship is still a second priority for me
    Because I think being practical is very important
    Thanks for your reply
     
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  14. SaneNate

    SaneNate Fapstronaut

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    You're very welcome, sir. Are you Muslim? Because I think your religion in a way helps you stay on Nofap. I also noticed that the Muslims who come from Saudi Arabia are smarter. I'm guessing not mixing between the sexes plays a role.
     
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  15. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    No I am a Hindu from India
    Yes I have read the instructions in Islam how to control ourselves
    And I like their theory of fasting
    But I am a Hindu at heart and soul :)
     
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