I am close to end my life

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Bananajoe, Jul 10, 2019.

  1. Bananajoe

    Bananajoe Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I really dont know. I dont even know what to write down here. I fucked up, missed the opportunities for a happy life. So many years I was walking into the wrong direction, was doing the wrong things, I become this monster I am now and it feels like it cant be changed anymore, its to late. I am not happy with the person I am now. It sucks. Everything sucks.
    And the worst thing about this is, I dont even want to change it. I cant change my thoughts. It feels wrong because its like I am telling a lie to myself when I say "you can do it" ..."you are worth of love".
    No I am not. I am not worthy of love or of anything and I do not deserve anything in life and I am already resigned to that. But I dont even have the balls to bring my life to an end. I cant do even that. How miserable am I? I cant kill myself, but I really really really dont want to life anymore. And even if someone tries to help me I refuse their support. Because I dont deserve that. I want to stay in this deep hole. I even dont want to go to a therapist because I dont believe anyone can help me. I also stopped praying to god, the universe and Jesus. They left me. There is absolutly nothing what makes me happy and I see no sense in anything. Just stagnant and broke, thinking all the time about how to end my life but having no balls to do it. Just sitting around like a piece of shit. I dont know what to do but on the other hand I dont want to do something. Dunno...life sucks.
    But who cares if even I do not care about myself...
     
  2. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    As long you keep thinking all is over, nothing will ever get better for you.

    You apparently gave up in even trying to make things better. Yes, wanting to die is easier than wanting to live, but that doesn't mean it is a gargantuan task. There are good things keeping you alive, they may be small, but they are still there, use them as a foundation to improve your life.
     
    Taqwa1 likes this.
  3. Yep u do

    Yep u do Fapstronaut

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    I guess that you compared with some fakes lifes posted on social networks. Compare yourself with 70% of the people in the world, working hard to "live" and you will realise how lucky you are.
    As long as you are alive there is hope. Yes we all made mistakes, because we are humans. But some of us reacted and uses it to improve and progress, it was hard but it was worth. Wake up and start again, life is not always black and not always white.
    You dont have the right to kill yourself. First you may miss and get injured all your life. And if you " succeed" every monotheist religion announced a punishment for the people who suicide (killing yourself again and again in hell the same way u did on earth, forever ) Think about it twice.
    And if no one loves you ( sounds impossible), God loves you, He created you, gave you a body a soul food a family, a brain air eyes ears taste etc etc. And after you did good in life he will reward you even more, life is a gift of God, not a punishment. :)
     
    Taqwa1, wwtl and cadia guardsman like this.
  4. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    Listen man, from your profile, you're still young. You'll have more chances in life. You just need to change your outlook. It's doable. You haven't failed life.
    I don't believe this. God wants to see us flourish. If you feel some distance, then it means that you've distanced yourself, perhaps because of the hardships you've faced. There was a hard time in my life that I also thought God had distanced Himself from me, until eventually I realized that He'd always been with me, every hard step of the way.
     
  5. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    It sounds like you have made a lot of decisive choices to remain where you are. You could make different choices, if you wanted to do so. But, if you do not, you are right -- you will remain stuck right where you are today.

    Why not choose something different? At least it might keep you from being so bored. It's a big world out there, and you have seen hardly any of it.

    The choice is up to you, though. No one can make it for you.
     
    Max Fisher likes this.
  6. cadia guardsman

    cadia guardsman Fapstronaut

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  7. ShyIIock

    ShyIIock Fapstronaut

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    Yo, I know exactly how you feel. I had the same thoughts as you 1/2 year ago. Feeling lost, abandoned by God, without hope or any direction in my life. I dont really know what to say, but Im 100% sure that if you keep going and you try to improve, it will get better. I know that its really hard to understand this (especially when your life is not working), but suffering and pain is part of life, actually huge part of life. There is a reason that christian symbol is a cross, its symbol of pain a suffering but its mainly a sign of redemption and mercy. There is a reason that Jesus suffered and came through hell to be in heaven. Its sounds terrible, maybe because it actually is terrible, but pain is necessary. Hang on and keep fighting your life Im sure it will get better. I believe once you will look at all your struggles and realize that all that shit made your soul stronger.
     
  8. Fightyourlowerself

    Fightyourlowerself Fapstronaut

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    WHAT!?!?! No way! You are not even going to consider such non-sense.

    You ARE AN AMAZING PERSON who just need to overcome this problem and you will live the best life with an amazing girl who loves and cherishes you.

    Your lord knows you in every sense of the word. every single pain, every single struggle, everything that affected you physically and mentally. He knows every thought you have and everyone that has hurt you. And he knew this before creating you.

    Yet he still created you - why? BECAUSE he knows you have the will power and capacity to overcome your issues. He knows you do, he loves you and would not want you to throw away your life.

    He wants to reward your struggle with an eternal happiness in heaven. And you will get there because you will overcome this.

    Are you based in the UK? call the Samaritans or email them [email protected]. You need to speak to these guys and they will guide you out of this.
     
  9. VeryImportantNick

    VeryImportantNick Fapstronaut

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    You ALWAYS can change for better
     
  10. THE TIGER

    THE TIGER Fapstronaut

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    We all lose hope sometimes, and there is a time when everyone goes away and no one seems to care... I once tried suicide but never managed to do it too, i know how the point you are feels like... I managed to get rid of that thought knowing that i was selfish, why? Because even though i felt no one cared, some actually did, and i knew this later on in life, no one ever said that happiness in life comes from satisfying yourself, happiness comes from helping others achieve happiness, just like a mother and her baby, just being in nofap is help to us, if you go away...then your impact even though you see it tiny will vanish with you...and an empty space which can never be filled by anybody unless you will be left forever...we need you, we love you, lets fight together and not let the addiction beat us.
     
    Taqwa1 likes this.
  11. bobby_100

    bobby_100 Fapstronaut

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    be brave its not the end do a lot of medidation
     
  12. keepitreal-88

    keepitreal-88 Fapstronaut

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    If you want to die but can't kill yourself then you may as well make yourself useful, why not go do something nice for someone else. It might even make you feel good. Why not go give someone else some help instead of asking for it. It might even make you feel good. If you can't do anything for yourself then you may as well do something for others.
     
  13. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    Do you go to church? Do you have a parish? Then it's a good time to seek company now. You know where two or three of His followers congregate, Jesus is with them. You don't know where to go? Ask our Lord for advice, He will guide you.
     
  14. Life193

    Life193 New Fapstronaut

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    Please read:
    This feeling isn't easy at all and I can relate to that because I've been through it. But you just have a wrong mindset and that is nothing what u couldn't change at all!
    Who cares which direction u went in ur past? U are living right now, in the moment and that is what u should be happy about. About the little things in life and ur family and friends.
    If u keep chasing ur happines then u will never find it! It will even get worse u will see urself old and alone realising that u've wasted ur life for chasing happiness and didn't spent ur priceless time on earth. Go help other people for becoming happy and statisfied with themselves, just do something for others, make their day in a special way. Even a smile can change someones day!
    Being happy is a choice and the secret for that is just to make the best of everything. Enjoy everything u do and be grateful for what u have.


    And stop all that "I can't!" or "Iam not capable of this or that!".
    Stop all that negative talking that u can't do anything!
    The only thing that is between u, ur goals and ur happines is the sh*t u keep telling urself.
    U are an independent human being so stop comparing urself with others. Compare urself to who u were yesterday and become ur own perfection.
    U do enough, u have enough and u are enough no matter what other people think about you. That is none of ur buisness!
    If people have opinions about someoneelse they really should improve their own personality.

    And if ur life seems boring and like an endless routine then do something about it!
    Do something different everyday, take some action and take some lead about your life.

    - Create some health routines with morning yoga and meditation and relax ur mind before u go to sleep.
    - Delete social media, it ain't worth it. Ur self esteem is more important than any numbers or opinions from people around you.
    - Enjoy ur life and go explore the beauty of the world. Find new hobbys where u can meet new people especially women if u like.
    And if u are scared about something.. just face it! What should go wrong? Ask urself if u would still care about that situation in 5 years and think about how grateful u will be because of how good u have handled about something in that certain situation.
    Practice makes perfect so go perfect urself in different areas! Fix ur habbits and sharpen ur mind and I promise, everything will change for the good. But U gotta start now! Not tommorow or next week.
    Yesterday you said tommorow, tommorow is today so go act!

    Of course there are moment where u can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but that is just because u might haven't done enough yet. Take it easy, flow with life and face every situation and enjoy every moment of ur day and stop criticizing about your thoughts or act's u have done. Just realise those thoughts.


    I would recommend to download the headspace app.
    That is a good start for a happy and balance life. Especially the self improvement section could be something for you so please try that out!
    The do even give u some daily tasks so u can do something different every day and it is a good act as well so it is garantied that u will feel good at the end of the day.
    Everyone needs help sometimes and don't tell me u don't! Because u have fooled urself and asked for random peoples help! :) U are a special gift for someone so go plan ur own way to live, it's never to late to change something but it's to late to quit.
    And if you are not that important then tell me why we all spent time tryin to convince you? There are people who care, u just gotta find them or become one who does!
     
    Taqwa1 likes this.
  15. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

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    I dont even know where to start. Its difficult to know, that someones life, or the end of it, is in "your hands". I cant hold myself back, trying not to write and ignore your "cry" for help. Ive been there, several times and maybe in the future allso. All I know that its a horrible place to be in. If its neurochemical, then its really bad, your brain chemistry is so f****d up and you dont even understand what you are doing. If its the regret about the things youve done and who you are, its a bit better. Regret is good, it shows that all is not lost. Either way, just wait until tomorrow. Postphone it, like you have done with everything thats been bad for you. You can change your thoughts, thats a fact, thats something that needs a lots of work, but its doable. Contact me, and Ill give my best to help you. All my knowledge, give me a reason not to kill myself beacause what I have done and how I feel, knowing that I saved someones life and the suffering Ive been trough have been for a reason, and what better reason, than it saved someones life. It makes it worth it. And maybe you can save someones life in the future and give the meaning to your suffering. Just dont do it. All we, who read your thread, not even knowing who you are, are still hoping you wouldnt do it. Not to mention the people who you leave behind. PLEASE, contact me and Ill explain you something that you dont see right now.
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  16. SimonBelmont

    SimonBelmont Fapstronaut

    if we are lucky we suffer before we die. the value of perspective lives beyond our own lives. WHEN you come out of this, i think we will all be waiting eagerly to hear what you've learned. tell us more
     
  17. FenixGenesis12

    FenixGenesis12 Fapstronaut

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    Never even think about ending your life, you do have balls, you just need to work little by little and start using them. Everybody is capable of achieving greatness, but you must conquer your own fears in order to do so. Keep living and realize how lucky we are to be alive today, another day full of opportunities, never give up!!!
     
    LakeMichigan and Despicable me like this.
  18. Alas, the choice to die is not our own. You may be distant from God at the moment; and ups and downs happen with faith; but you know for a fact that suicide is not allowed.

    I have had many ills and pains in my life. But I did believe things could improve. In fact, the pain was so unbearable, I got tired of it. It is all in the brain.

    See a therapist. Not because you don't believe they will do anything but because we are telling you to go. Go ahead and even tell the therapist you don't believe in their help.
     
    Taqwa1 likes this.
  19. SuperPowers

    SuperPowers Fapstronaut

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    Forgive yourself.

    And drop this bullshit you're unworthy of being helped, you're human, your value is infinite, you don't need to do anything to earn it.

    Start doing one thing a day for yourself. EXERCISE!

    Just say today, this very day, Now even, I'm going to go for a walk. That's it. Make it a habit every day, that's where it starts.

    The more you sit on your ass, the more you hate yourself. Sitting still will be your grave. When you do something that takes effort, like exercise you'll feel better about yourself. My prescription to you is exercise my friend. Take a daily dose and do it outside to get the vitamin D in you. You need the sun light even if its winter.

    If you wanna stay a misery stay a misery, I wont bother you. I got my own problems dudes, I was suicidal not long ago. But if you want your life to get better and you're sick of wasting time, do one thing thing that will improve your life. Exercise.

    Exercise is the easiest and fastest way to increase your mental health, clear your head, and build self esteem and confidence. The trick is to do it when you don't feel like doing it and that's when you'll feel better.

    Step 1- Get up off your ass.
    Step 2 - Put your shoes on. (can you do that so far?)
    Step 3 - Go outside and walk or jump in your car and drive to a park, somewhere nice

    Repeat daily
    Ahh, now your doing something for yourself, now your getting physical, now you're feeling better

    The easy path is to stay in your hole and keep digging. It's comfortable huh? Exercise, that's not comfortable, but when you get back home you feel better than what you did before. Its not a one stop shop, its a daily grind. The more you do the better you feel. Its when you stop that you start hating yourself.

    Start writing in a journal and find solutions. I've been there man, you don't want to spend too much time thinking, in fact I say less thinking and more doing.

    Be kind to yourself, respect yourself, or nobody else will. This is a forum, in the real world, people don't give a shit. If you know you better than anyone else and you dont like you then what should anyone else think of you. The thing is its not about being liked by others because then you become a people pleaser, take action and you can give people the metaphorical middle finger. You don't care what they think because in a depression and helplessness you pushed yourself and got yourself to get outside or to the gym to exercise. Was that easy, no it was hard, but you done it, so fuck everyone and more power to you.

    And then when you start respecting yourself you will look for help but until then you can stay in your hole but I know deep down you want out and I know you will feel like screaming. The only way out is action, so just Fucking do it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2019 at 12:46 AM
    William Wallace likes this.
  20. hornycaptain

    hornycaptain New Fapstronaut

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    Killing yourself is the easy way out. I understand that you're not able to control your mind. So doing that is your priority. Even I went through the same couple of years ago. The problem is that we just live lives without reading or understanding it's user manual or let's call it the art of living. I would suggest you, if you've got 10 days free, go and learn Vipassana meditation. They have centres all over the world and it's free. Google it.
    Trust me you'll see yourself improving if you practice this technique regularly.
     

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