I am a failure

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Ghost79, May 8, 2019.

  1. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    I want to give up on life and feel I want to let go of all my aspirations of finding a better job and to get married. I am almost 40 and had a chance to marry my dream woman but because of a few conflicts with her and my parents, our relationship has fallen apart. I simply don t want to pursue anymore to make something of my life and ready to accept my life as a lone failure. Also I am a very ugly guy and therefore hated and abandoned by the world :(
     
  2. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    All I can say is that you got close with one woman, so why couldn't you do it again?
     
  3. MisterDirection

    MisterDirection Fapstronaut

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    No one is a failure.
    No one is unworthy of love and connection.
    We are all human and make mistakes and errors and misjudgments. Those are called living and not failing.
     
  4. What if the relationship breakup was nothing to do with you "failing" in some way? Maybe there was no chance of you two being together long-term no matter how hard you both worked at it?

    Maybe society should stop forcing the concept of success/failure onto EVERYTHING and making everyone miserable.
     
    Epic Fight, HecTormoku and Ghost79 like this.
  5. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    There are many women that can make you happy. Not just the one 'dream' woman. You have attracted someone before so you will do it again, if you wish to, and when you are ready.

    You'd be surprised how many men are in their late thirties/early forties with no romantic/sexual experience at all. Maybe several on this forum. Take your time and learn to love yourself again. Write some achievable goals for the next few months. You'll get back on your feet again. It'll just take a little time.
     
  6. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Only two years ago, I was thinking exactly what you just wrote and thought there was no way out as I was approaching my 30's. Until that point, I had only had a few romantic experiences myself, mostly due to a rough start in life where I was a bullied several times because of my insecure body language and somewhat geeky looks plus parents who were separating simultaneously.
    It was only my excelling in my sport that kept my confidence above the surface during those years and kept me from suicide thoughts. Hence, I grew up with lots of self-blame, personal-judgments, self-loathing, bad temper and low self-acceptance where I was never satisfied with myself or accepted myself.

    All of that started to change rapidly as I gave up PMO last year and my body and mind started to reboot and heal for the first time. Ever since that point, I am getting more comfortable in my own skin for every day, I feel great and start to attract great things into my life as a result. The key to true happiness is to be in peace and harmony with yourself (and others) and not being attached or affected by external factors. These days, I honestly don't even care about pursuing good-looking women if they give out bad vibes and aren't happy with themselves and their lives.
     
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  7. delhiboy

    delhiboy Fapstronaut

    i was there once and even now these thoughts flirt with me. but somehow what works in my favor is i am too arrogant to accept failure and try hard next time till i get SOME success if not complete success as i desired.
    you feel failed, its ok. now you cannot fail as you have failed already. now you have nothing to lose just to win. do anything without fear and expectations. if you get good results then it great if not then no harm done as you are already down.
    but the thing is please try to not sit silently. dont give up.
     
    Ghost79 likes this.
  8. selfimprovement8008

    selfimprovement8008 Fapstronaut

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    Many girls in their late twenties want a man thats mature and not their age so you seem to fit the category
     
  9. Kexas23

    Kexas23 Fapstronaut

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    This is a great post. Thank you.
    I felt like this all last week, well all 2019. I had thoughts of suicide and even told my parents this. It sent my mother to cry for hours.
    In my life, I have been on top of the mountain of light and in the bottom of the valley of darkness. The last several months have been as dark as ever. After reading your post, I realize just how weak I sounded when I had these thoughts. Get your streak up to 3+ days then come back and read your post. You will realize just how ridiculous you sound.

    Life gives happiness. You cannot ever be happy if you don't continue. More importantly the highs aren't as high without the low. You will make it this world if you just believe in yourself, and continue noFap.
     
  10. lirider

    lirider Fapstronaut

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    I believe in God, it's ok if you don't but I feel he might have closed one door because it wasn't right and will open a better door for you. You are NOT ugly. Do not believe that.
     
  11. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    I am almost 40 already. If I believe that I'll probably be 50 and still alone. So that would mean God wanted me to be alone.
     
  12. lirider

    lirider Fapstronaut

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    I'm 45 and single. He might but if you don't and you believe in him and pray then I believe he will deliver. I'm serious when I say that he has saved me and done things when asked. I am a cardiac arrest survivor. I was dead, the cop and EMT workers I met say only 1 out of 10 people they meet make it. But back to singleness, during this journey when I ask God to bring joy and women into my life he has. But you have to walk the most righteous path you can. I have just renewed my relationship with him BECAUSE of this journey. It's weird, I can't explain it. But trust your soul, not me.
     
    selfimprovement8008 and crazyaf like this.
  13. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    A lot can happen in 10 years. When I was 30 I was single, depressed, working a tedious admin job and in debt. Now I am 35, married with a child on the way, debt free and happy, and I have a university course lined up in September. None of it was planned. Life has a lot of surprises lined up for you in the future, if you let it. But look after the things you can control - including controlling PMO.
     
  14. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    Is your dream woman still single? I happen to be in the market.
     
  15. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    I'm not gay!
     
  16. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Remember that what you believe will become reality, hence by believing positive and constructive thoughts, you will be on the way to greatness. One way of starting to believe constructive thoughts that will serve you is to have a purpose and goal in life and to give and give for the sake of giving, not to give for the sake of getting something in return.
    If you have no purpose, aim, ambition or goals in life and never give to give (or receive when you get offered) , you will be more prone to think destructive thoughts that block the constructive ones.
     
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  17. Selix

    Selix Fapstronaut

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    N E V A H G I V A P
     
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  18. Rahab

    Rahab Fapstronaut

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    Believe me: if you had married this women and these conflicts came after the marriage you would get into more trouble. Divorces cannot be only painful but also expensive as the case may be. Consider yourself lucky that you were spared this marriage-terror.
     
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  19. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    Maybe. But my sadness of this disappointment and the loss of what I had hoped for won't go away with that.
     
  20. Rahab

    Rahab Fapstronaut

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    Sure that is hard and painful. But the more you lived with her together the more is the pain after the breaking, most of all during the marriage.
    See it from the other side: you are free and can have any woman you want! And if you are dissatisfied with yourself change it until you like yourself! Most important is that you feel well in your own skin - and other women will notice it.
     
    Epic Fight and Ghost79 like this.

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