I’m ok/I’m not ok

Welcome, @Jeannie90 !
My partner has a definite case of PIED and I can assure you, if you think that's what it is, you're probably right.
There are ways to help it, but first he would have to acknowledge that this is a real problem and take the steps to combat it.
I understand the emotions you feel.
I felt so unattractive,like he didnt "want me", like I wasnt good enough, etc. Its quite awful.
If you like, you can go to my journal and read up on some of the advice I've been given and what's been helping.
But I have to tell you, the solution starts with his acceptance.
So a conversation must be had.
Feel free to reach out to me
My story is here:
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/healing-together.159878/

 

Hey, so definitely check the site out, and check out my resources thread in my signature, it's great for anyone new coming here, it has everything I wish I had at my fingertips when I discovered my husbands addiction. If you need anything I am here as well as the community!

 

And feel free to ask me any questions about PIED.

 

Happy to help in any way I can.

Glad you are with us, @Jeannie90.

Best wishes.

 

Hi, I too are new here, in fact this has been the first support for partners I’ve found. I have been feeling pretty low lately & it’s getting harder to rise above it. I’ve come From confident, sexy, sexual, vivacious upbeat & fun to feeling fat, ugly, short, not good enough as I’m learning this is pretty usual for those of us on the affected side of PMO . I’d love any advise on how to rise above this. I’ve always been so ‘together’ I’m not coping with this & not ever being confronted with it before, I don’t know how to be, how to deal with it or how to move out of my own way at times. I’m committed to the relationship & a man who has been very loving, caring, thoughtful even romantic, to have him want me, but not be able to see our sex life succeed due to his Disfunction has caused a lot of grief. How do I get my self esteem back ?

 

Hi Olivia,

One way to start is to recognize that men suffer from this regardless of levels of attraction to their spouse/mate. If you browse around the forum, you will encounter plenty of stories where guys can't get it up to a woman they really want, while easily get off to material that disturbs them. The brain seems to work with two different pathways, and the porn pathway very much cannibalize on the functions that controls regular sex.

Still, most of us recognize that the self esteem issue is more often than not a surprisingly slow healing wound. Someone once said that you can hurt a woman as a person, but not hurt her femininity. I find this especially true with porn addiction. An unorthodox way to go about things is to start challenge yourself physically (excercise, weight lifting) and mentally (taking language courses, cooking classes, meditation etc.). I'm not suggesting this to "make you more attractive" to your spouse, but rather as a proven way to find something to hold onto while you slowly rebuild your own life and reinstate that glow again. Many women on here gets surprised to find a strength they didn't know they had in various, sometimes very unexpected, areas of life.