husband masturbating...

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by D.S., Mar 29, 2017.

  1. D.S.

    D.S. New Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    Today was the third time that I saw signs of my husband masturbating. I was washing his clothes, and they had certain stains...

    I am not sure if he is also watching porn. I think he is not, as I don't see when and where he could do it. Our phones are not smart-phones, and we have a common computer in the living room.

    I am not sure how, and if, I should react to his masturbation. It is something I find deeply disturbing and disrespectful, but maybe I am wrong in how I feel about it. Any advice would be appreciated.
     
  2. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    If you feel masturbation in a marriage is wrong you have a right to feel that way and ask your husband to respect your boundaries. Personally my opinion is that masturbation is okay in relationships so long as it does not effect your relationship. I actually feel the same way about porn. But my partner has porn induced DE, is lazy in bed, frequently turned me down for sex, and gave me no intimate connection. So if a man is masturbating to the point that he cannot satisfy you that's a huge problem. There are tons of porn widows on here and out there. I would ask him right out if he was looking at porn and if he was masturbating and see what he says. Do it calmly and you are more likely to get an honest answer. Then tell him your expectations and ask if he will agree, then you have to decide if what he says is enough. Is he trying to hide it? I mean he could use a tissue not to be graphic but he's not so good at his hiding. When I found out I was being lied to about porn I became a crazy person and I still am. Betrayal induced PTSD is real. I became hyper vigilant and no matter what he did I thought it meant he was using porn. But one thing that helps is my partner will answer whatever questions I had openly and honestly even if it sounds crazy to him. So your partner needs to support you on that way. Good luck.
     
  3. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    A man's gotta come once in a while. No need to be uptight about it.
    At least he's not cheating.
     
  4. stacey

    stacey Fapstronaut

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    Feelings are never wrong. It's what you do with them that matters. If you feel disrespected by his actions, then you need to talk to him about it. Ask him, explain your fears and concerns. The best course is always being open and honest, keeping that communication flowing.
     
  5. Inland589

    Inland589 Fapstronaut

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    On masturbating, why can't he be with me? I try to create excitement or intimacy and he takes it to the hub or chats. Why are they soooo much better than me? I am not fake or paid to say nice things. I see it all the time. I am right here. Maybe he rather me be gone?
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  6. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    Everybody masturbates.
    It's only when we use porn to separate ourselves from reality that it becomes harmful.
    That's my opinion, at least.

    Plus, to quote Anthony Soprano:

    'For fuck's sake, that's the mouth she kisses my kids with!'

    He can't do with you the things he sees in porn.
    Because men either see women as saints or as whores. Not all men.
    But some.

    Most of them.
     
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    They are not better than you not at all. It has nothing to do with you. This is an issue with him.
     
  8. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    I think we need to review the guidelines for posting the the 'Rebooting in a Relationship' and 'Partner Support' folders. The link can be found here. There are different rules for posting in these folders and the OP's need a different kind of support and advice from the community.

    Here's the two main points from that thread: 1. Absolutely no suggestions that partners of addicts are at fault for their partner's porn addiction for not being attractive enough. 2. Offer process-oriented, not results-oriented advice.

    I think the valuable advice given has been lost. Communicate to him how you feel and ask how he feels about his behavior. A man can M without porn and with fantasy alone which can be just as harmful to a relationship. Use 'I think', 'I feel', and 'I worry' statements to communicate your side of the issue. Your feelings and worries are valid. Let him know and work with him on a solution. If he is using porn then that's a whole other discussion but you need that information in order to address it.
     
  9. ILoathePorn

    ILoathePorn Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Please stay on topic to the OP and be respectful of those in and out of this community. Opinions and independent ideas are welcome. Do not attack each other and support the OP.

    Thank you.
     
  10. ILoathePorn

    ILoathePorn Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Remember this is a place for people to ask for support and help with various situations. Stay on topic, no personal attacks and be respectful to those in and out of this community. This thread will be gone through and any posts that aren't helping and support the OP will be deleted and appropriate action taken.

    Thank you for your time.

    Edit - This thread has been gone through. Give help and support to the OP. No more attacking each other. Opinions are welcome, leave them at that, just opinions whether you agree with them or not.
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2017

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