How to truly deal with being ugly?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by LonelySunshine, Mar 24, 2018.

  1. LonelySunshine

    LonelySunshine Fapstronaut

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    Wasn't quite blessed in the face department but I am doing everything I can fighting some next level depression (I know it's on a whole new level since I struggled with "ordinary" depression).

    Been working out for more than a year now but I still suffer from low self-esteem and ugliness.

    Any help is appreciated.
     
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  2. Ongoingsupport

    Ongoingsupport Fapstronaut

    Change your mind.

    It's not easy when the societal standard is a certain way of looking, but have you ever noticed some couples that are just not that good looking? Sometimes it's even one of them instead of both. It happens.

    But of course changing your mind is not that easy, and we ARE influenced by the collective way of thinking out there. I think we have to really do the work of looking for people who appreciate other qualities. Without considering other things and interests there has to be a deep interest in people to be a good judge of character that way.
     
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  3. ugliness is just a false story you keep telling yourself, I have been depressed from time to time in my life and its always amazing how are minds lie to us about things. Also you state that you have low self esteem that tells me you think other people never get upset depressed have a bad day or be unsure as to what to do or say everyone has that in there life no one is perfect. I think your doing a lot better than what your mind is telling you I know I been there I made it out of the darkness and SO WILL YOU
     
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  4. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    ^this - and many many women don't judge men on 'looks' but traits. That is why 'Beauty and the Beast' resonates with many women.
    If you look at a lot of movie stars - yes there's the classic good looking leading man type but many are not that at all.. look at how girls swooned over "The Beatles" - even Ringo Starr.
     
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  5. Get_movin44

    Get_movin44 Fapstronaut

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    It sounds cliched, but... I truly believe that what's on the inside is more important than outward appearance. I'd MUCH rather be friends with a truly kind person than with a person who just looks good.
     
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  6. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    If beauty is what bothers you, get it fixed by plastic surgery. Think what bothers you most on your face (only 1 thing you would wish would be different) and get it fixed. Remember you dont need to pay high surgical fee in UK or USA, you can get decent job done in Turkey, India, Tailand, Mexico for 1/4 of UK or USA price.
     
  7. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    Throw away the mirror.
    You keep looking at yourself and compare with others.

    Reason is an insecurity or other deep layers issues. Work on that issues first and I promise you the time will come that you don't care any more how others see you, because you know you are just that valuable from the inside.
     
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  8. asbgca

    asbgca Fapstronaut

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    Your question is coming from a very real place: looks do matter a lot in our culture. Men with looks do have it easier. So the pain of having imperfect looks is very real. It's important to acknowledge that and accept that pain. For example, I have imperfect teeth and I'm balding. It hurts to see those parts in the mirror. For each of us it will be something different ofc, but look at it and let yourself feel the pain.

    Next put an effort into looking your best. Read up about style and make sure everything you wear makes you look your best: from your shoes, to pants and shirt, up to your haircut and facial hair. It's amazing how much you can improve your looks by just taking good care of your appearance. A lot of women's judgement about looks is actually about the effort that you've put in to look good. So do your best here and your confidence will go up.

    Like @ivanhoe said men have it easier than women because we're judged on actions and character more than looks. So put your effort into self-improvement. Keep up NoFap and get to 90 days - this is a huge boost. Work on your career and figure out your purpose in life. Work out and get a nice physique, b/c looks is not just your face it's your body too. And if you want success with women read some books on attraction. Knowing how to talk to women and project male confidence trumps looks.

    So looks isn't destiny man. It matters, but there's tons you can do to make up for it. Not having pefect looks can actually motivate you to make more of yourself.
     
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  9. TheBigBadWolf

    TheBigBadWolf Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry to hear that man. To be honest here is what I would do if I was in your shoes:

    -Figure out what makes your face unattractive. (Do you have a bad chin, jawline, eye area, high body fat, etc.)
    -Fix it ^ (Get to below 15% body fat, Eat Healthy, and get surgery if you feel like you need it)
    -Stop telling yourself negative things and instead focus on where you want to be, not where you are.
    -Keep track of progress. (1-month to how ever long it takes...)

    Good luck!

    -TheBigBadWolf
     
  10. JesusGreen

    JesusGreen Fapstronaut

    Something I notice is that people seem to forget that a significant % of your looks come from things you can control and change, as @TheBigBadWolf mentioned.

    First of all, good hygiene & skin. If you stink or are unclean, it doesn't matter how good you look, nobody wants that. If you have bad acne, get it treated. Etc. Get a good cologne, it doesn't have to be expensive, just find something that smells good. Better yet, get a girl to help you pick one that smells good to her.

    Secondly, hair affects your looks massively. This isn't a particularly good example since the guy in this example looks fine in both pictures, but it still shows how big a difference hairstyle makes: http://i.imgur.com/f4lMlzK.jpg - (personal example of mine at the bottom of the post) get a good haircut that fits your face shape. If you aren't sure, ask a stylist/barber to pick one for you.

    Same thing goes for facial hair, if you have shitty beard genetics and can only grow a neckbeard, please don't. Just keep a clean shave. If you have good beard genetics, grow it out!

    Clothes make a huge difference too. If you're wearing oversized baggy clothing that doesn't match etc, then that instantly makes you look a lot worse. Get clothes that fit, and clothes that look good. You don't have to spend much to get decent looking clothes. If you have no clue about fashion, just get some fitted plain single colour tees and some jeans from H&M or whatever and you're good to go.

    If you wear glasses, get a pair that fits your face, or if you don't like wearing them, consider contacts or save up for surgery.

    If you have bad teeth, get braces as soon as you can afford them.

    And one of the big ones is weight. Your face will look a LOT better if you're under 15% body fat, and probably best at < 12-13%. Just go on Reddit and look at any fat to fit transformation pics, and one of the most striking differences you'll see in most of them is how much better their faces look. That isn't a coincidence, your face stores fat too, and at a higher body fat % you just get a good ol' case of moon face and look bad.

    If you're super skinny, add a little muscle. Don't have to get jacked, but just enough to look like you can help someone carry their shopping, and you'll look much better.

    Finally, stop stressing over your looks so much. IMO looks tend to be much more important to men than they are to women. If you're fun to be around, can make people laugh, etc then you'll do just fine and there'll be people attracted to you even if you're a bit of an eyesore. Chances are though, you're probably just average or a little below average, and can clean up pretty good if you fix all the things I listed in my post!

    ---

    In fact.. How about I show you my own example?

    In 2016 my hair was way too long and didn't fit my face. I was > 27% body fat and had a classic case of moon face. My skin was bad etc.

    Now I'm certainly not a looker, but I think I look a lot better than back then. All that changed was I got contacts, cut my hair, lost weight, and cleared up my skin.

    Be warned: Ugliness inside lmao.

    Left = 2016. Right = Recent.

    [​IMG]

    (If you're wondering, that first pic is a freeze frame from a YouTube video of mine, I wanted to add extra emphasis to the ugly haha.)

    I still have issues like crooked teeth (need to get braces when I can afford to) and lack of a real jaw (braces may help there too), but unlike before I'm not insecure about my looks, and all it took was a few simple completely manageable changes.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2018
  11. That's awesome, I learned good stuff from your post. I'll make some effort to look better! Thank you
     
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  12. zig

    zig Fapstronaut

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    you're looking hella good man, awesome post
     
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  13. Conspera

    Conspera Fapstronaut

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    Accept it, but also realize that one's perception of ugliness and beauty is based on social conditioning and media. Be your own person. Do things in spite of your "ugliness," NOT because of it. I was never someone who liked conforming to most of pop culture. For a while, I loved video game music, anime music, and wrote with my thumb and middle (well, I still do LOL), but only lately in the last few years have I come to be more open minded enough to try mainstream things (e.g., lifting, top 40 music, going to crazy packed bars/clubs).

    Optimize what you can change, and for what you cannot just own that shit. I had a roommate who was 5'3 or 5'4, and although he still felt self conscious at times he for the most part went after what he wanted, and for the most part got it.
     
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  14. Dr. Jekyll

    Dr. Jekyll Fapstronaut

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    Rent the movie The Elephant Man (1980). I checked it out from my local library. Might help get your head right about beauty.
     
  15. Calipso

    Calipso Fapstronaut

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    i see more ugly people inside than on their face, it's more disgusting
     

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