HOW TO STOP LOOKING AT HOT GIRLS

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by WildThing, May 17, 2018.

  1. WildThing

    WildThing Fapstronaut

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    Okay I got this huge problem. I am a college student lots and lots very beautiful women around me. This is one of my major triggers is when I see a really pretty girl I get hit with instant urges. Guys help me out here. Need some advice on how to ignore those hot girls and stop commenting on them.
     
  2. Phoenix234

    Phoenix234 Fapstronaut

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    I know your problem...need to work on it reflect and find a girlfriend
     
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  3. Apokalypsis

    Apokalypsis New Fapstronaut

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    Difficult, its just nature....
     
  4. IncenseCedar

    IncenseCedar Fapstronaut

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    Partly, I think, it's a natural thing for a man to be drawn to attractive women. Our culture has shaped our ideas of what's attractive and what isn't; there's a lot that we can talk about this cultural indoctrination regarding beauty. I don't see it as bad to look at and admire an attractive woman, but stop and think why you do. Are you're admiring the beauty, the way all her features are put together in symmetry, or are you lusting after her as an object for sexual possession?

    One of the challenges of our addiction (and BTW, according to clinical diagnoses, porn and sex addictions are not yet recognized in the DSM, see https://www.addiction.com/expert-blogs/sex-addiction-dsm-5-2/) is that a healthy active sex life is a natural thing. As compared to substance abuse, porn and sex addictions are not a serious threat to health; other than a sore dick and the potential for PIED, you can't die from obsessively jerking off! (Hey guys, we need to laugh at ourselves once in a while!)

    So, men and women are designed to be drawn together physically, in a healthy natural way. To stop looking is near impossible. Again, it depends why you're looking and what happens after you do? Is it "WOW! She's hot!" and move on to other things? Or, is the image of a young woman stuck in your mind and you MO to the image? If it's the latter, I caution you, cause I've been there, done that.

    Story... In college I lived in a house with three other people, one a striking red-hair. I was drawn to her, flirted with her, we even had a make out session (note, a single make out session that left me with blue balls). But she wasn't interested in going further and made that clear. I didn't push anything, but obsessively MO'd to thoughts of her. MESSED ME UP! Sent me to my first series of counseling sessions to work through the emotional shit.

    So, again, I caution you. Ask yourself why, and if it doesn't feel right, stop looking. Happens again? Repeat, why, wrong, stop! Rebooting and recovery is a large part mindfulness. We can't be fully mindful 100% of the time, but diligence in the beginning is critical to a successful streak and ultimately finding our lives again.
     
  5. ShotDunyun

    ShotDunyun Fapstronaut

    It can be done, but it is difficult as hell. Currently Im avoiding P subs, so everytime I ran into pictures/videos on Facebook/YouTube that I shouldnt ve looking at, I close everything and walk away. I do something similar with women. When I see a beautiful girl what I do is to look away instantly and dont look back. I mean, looking and being attracted to women is natural, but makes NoFap really difficult
     
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  6. danhk

    danhk Fapstronaut

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    When I'm outside I'm usually lost in my thoughts, I do check out girls, but even if they are really hot it still only takes a bit until I go back to my thoughts. As to when I'm talking to a pretty girl, if the conversation is good it will absorb me and I won't really notice anything else. I suppose it all comes to habits (just like everything else, it seems), self-discipline and being busy with something else.
     
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  7. Bobbyf76

    Bobbyf76 Fapstronaut

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    since i have started my journey, i have realized that my porn addiction has caused me to objectify women unknowingly. once i made this connection, looking at "hot" girls wasnt an issue after that. its a state of mind. it might not be easy to change, but it is possible. men are wired to always want to reproduce. but you can change that wiring, and if you do, you'll find that this journey will be a lot easier for you, and you will rid yourself of one of your triggers.
     
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  8. WildThing

    WildThing Fapstronaut

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    I sometimes see a woman and just go wow she is really hot. You know just to look at her. I don't remember them when I have MO in the past. Usually when I MO its to P.
     
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  9. Phoenix234

    Phoenix234 Fapstronaut

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    I have the same. Wow is she hot. I do check her out. Discreet not creepy. Girls let you check them out if you don’t creep and if you don’t stare. But notice. Some are so hot...it’s a serious trigger. But I can maintain...
     
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  10. Gripseeker

    Gripseeker Fapstronaut

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    For me too this is sometimes very challenging. I have 58 days now, but I'm sure seeing a hot girl pass by will cause dangerous triggers and I'll have to be mindful.

    I often wonder what the borderline is between the natural, allowed "admiring" and "sexually objectifying" a hot girl as she passes by? I mean, when I see a girl pass by, I would be lying if I say that I don't feel any clear desire to do her. I guess I am "objectifying" at that point.

    I guess I'm striving for the point where I do not do just one but two things when a hot girl passes by, that is, first admire her very much sexually, but then second, turn away soon enough, being a centered, mindful man, knowing you should not keep staring like a fool as if you've never seen a hot woman before. That latter mindfulness is just not so much present in my addicted mind. I hope to feel progress in this, I think I already am noticing some positive direction.
     
  11. Phoenix234

    Phoenix234 Fapstronaut

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    For me it is to allow the full reaction finding her hot. Feeling the attraction of that body even feeling aroused by it and controlling it. Being the master of that energy. Then it can shift into a really great feel and freedom. But that’s my way
     
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  12. waleedshiekh

    waleedshiekh New Fapstronaut

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    I just started, it's been 4 days. Few hours back I was having dinner, there were a super hot woman on a table in front of me. Whenever I looked at her my mind started fantasizing about her. I just kept on ignoring the thoughts and started talking with my friends. It's really hard to ignore these things, just don't stay stuck. Best of luck.
     
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  13. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    Learn to master your own thoughts.
    If you want to stare, you will stare
    If you don't want to stare, you won't stare.
     
  14. FairyNinjaLeprechaun

    FairyNinjaLeprechaun Fapstronaut

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    This might sounds like a bad advice, but this is my method.

    I didn't ignore it or replace it with another tought or something like that, because It seems impossible for me at first. The needs to checking out girls deteriorated anyway after no PMO for several days.

    I just roll with it, I mean we're naturally attracted to other human being.

    For me, the main reason of rebooting is to rewire and heal our subsconcious mind from PMO and not to get rid of our human-instinct.
     
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  15. xylton

    xylton Fapstronaut

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    @WildThing It is a perfectly natural thing to look at or check out the opposite gender especially when you find them beautiful. That's just how we are biologically. I did read somewhere in this forum about the 3 or 5 seconds rule. Stop ourself from thoughts of lust immediately after 3 or 5 seconds of seeing beautiful girl / nudity / P. I think this is because arousal takes longer than a mere 3 or 5 seconds so if we can stop it within that time, we can avoid PMO altogether and better control our reaction.
     
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  16. Soren K.

    Soren K. Fapstronaut

    @WildThing, I go to college as well and I fully know the struggle. It's real, brother! One measure I put in place for myself is this. When I'm walking around campus (or anywhere where there's people), I intentionally look upward and beyond. Not straight up, but slightly above the treeline with my head tilted slightly. That way, if I notice someone close by me, the first thing that I see is their eyes. On the contrary, if I'm looking down at the ground while I'm walking and notice someone passing by, my eyes have to travel aaaaaaaaaall the way up her body for my eyes to reach hers. Bad idea, Søren. That just leaves me wanting to look at her figure again and my mind is consumed by her body. So, by looking up, I can easily avoid looking at women and who cares if a hot woman walks by? What right do we have? She is not our girlfriend. She is not our spouse. Every time we let our eyes rest on a woman's figure, it is so easy to obtain sexual gratification from that situation. We have no permission to lust after women's bodies. Each woman you stare at is somebody's daughter. How would you feel if you knew that men were looking at your daughter (whether it be in a sexualized way or not)?

    It's a hard situation to be in. Trust me, I know full well. But we have a responsibility to not only to respect but to protect all women everywhere.
     
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  17. sfmark12

    sfmark12 Fapstronaut

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    You can't help but look at what you are attracted to, it's natural you can't stop it. What you can do is limit the time you check out girls. Look for three seconds and go back to your business.
     
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  18. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    Solution: Major in engineering, I could count all the girls on one hand.


    Gor graduates, get an engineering job in the suburbs. Whenever I ever see hot women at my office, I get my vision checked.
     
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  19. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

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    I work in a place where there are a lot of gorgeous women on there 20’s.

    I look in another direction and think of things I need to do at the moment or later on.

    Or I’ll think about my friend Liz (in non-sexual ways!)

    Or I’ll think about the consequences of continuing in a lifestyle of porn and lust.

    Another thing that seems silly but it works is I have decided that if there’s a gorgeous woman around and I can’t think of anything else, I’ll start thinking about pink elephants.
     
  20. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    I also do this, especially at the beach when there's a lot of women around. I'll acknowledge that I'm attracted, and simply look away and put my attention on something else.
     
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