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How to satisfy my girlfriend's sexual needs when I abstaining from masturbation?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by lyophobic sol, Mar 18, 2018.

If you were in such a position, what would u do?

  1. Try to avoid the call,claiming busy schedule

    20.0%
  2. jerk off to her

    10.0%
  3. other choice (please elaborate in the thread)

    70.0%
  1. lyophobic sol

    lyophobic sol Fapstronaut

    I have a girlfriend of one year. We started out with full intimacy. We never had sex (both of us are virgins still:/), but got physically intimate every 3-4 days(partly the reason for my PMO addiction). In the end I would masturbate.

    She recently had to move out to a nearby town. The only way we get to get intimate is through skype, and that too once in around 15-20 days(well you know when she is not around I still could to masturbate to porn. Again my addiction). She recently showed some desires to skype again, sometimes said she is getting horny. So I think the day is getting closer when we would be on cam.

    I am confused as should I not arouse her and continue with my reboot OR should I take a day off?

    P.S- I love her a lot, not because of the physical attraction we have for each other, but she is so perfect in every way I could ever imagine. Leaving her is not an option here.
    She knows about my reboot, and is kind of against it. She feels it is very natural for a 18yr old dude to be horny most of the time.
     
  2. RecoveringFapaholic

    RecoveringFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    If both of you are abstaining from sex for religious reasons, you could propose to her the next time you see her in person. I know this isn't a short-term solution but if you really like her then go for it. Once you're married you can have as much sex as you want (as long as it's consensual). If you don't want to marry just yet, you can get intimate over Skype occasionally. I don't see this as harming your reboot as long as you manage to avoid porn and do it sparingly. I've never been in a situation like this so this is all I have to say.
     
  3. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I am surprised this is not a choice, but I think your best answer is “tell her that you are rebooting and ask for her help.” If you have not told her about your addiction already, you need to do that. If you keep saying you have a busy schedule (which is lying and a horrible foundation for a relationship) she will get bored and date someone else. I mean it’s not just about the sex, but she is going to want to see you and spend time with you, and if not what’s the point? So that answer won’t work. The other answer jerk off to her won’t work because you are almost certainly going to fall back into porn. It’s up to you if you want to have sexual contact with your partner during reboot. For some men the find it okay to do, but for others not so much.
     
  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Sorry I missed your PS. If she is not supportive of your reboot then you should find someone else to date. Your reboot is more important.
     
  5. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    You should ask yourself: Why do you reboot? Is it because you are horny? -> have sex with you gf (even if you never did it the time will come), Is it because you are addicted to porn? -> stop watching porn. I can go on but that would be guessing, so please give the reason for your reboot. Your gf should support your reboot if the reason is valid, like a porn addiction.

    Porn addiction doesn't say you can't have sex with your gf, instead have sex with your gf so you learn how real sex is. Rewire those wires in your head by learing how real sex goes instead of porn.

    What ever your reason might be, you always have your fingers and a tongue as backup to treat her ;)
     
    lyophobic sol and JustinX like this.
  6. lyophobic sol

    lyophobic sol Fapstronaut

    I am not even 20, marrying is not practical right now. Both of us are students. And that intimacy over skype, I did that today. I am confused as masturbating to her was a relapse or am I still on my streak since I did not watch porn and moreover she came too. This is getting really confusing.
     
  7. lyophobic sol

    lyophobic sol Fapstronaut

    She knows all about it, as I have mentioned already. She thinks that getting horny is a natural tendency for any dude (especially virgins :/ ). I never lied to her, the busy schedule thing was an opinion I wanted to explore to continue with my reboot and date her in the same time. You are right though, I haven't lied to her till now, then why should I now. I am not getting back to porn and she supports me in that, but she does not like the idea of not masturbating at all. Now the main confusion is, if I masturbate to her once or twice in a month, no porn, will it be counted as a relapse?
    btw, I did masturbate to her today. :/
     
  8. lyophobic sol

    lyophobic sol Fapstronaut

    Dude, she is the main reason I want to become a good human, get rid of my irritated mind and calm my temper. She is the reason I want to quit PMO. If I leave her than what is the point of my reboot?
     
    Gooding likes this.
  9. lyophobic sol

    lyophobic sol Fapstronaut

    She is the reason I am on reboot. I have a temper and am irritated for most of the time. Reboot is a way I can imagine to get rid of these, to be a better person for her. I guess I can quit porn quite easily since she too supports me in it. Masturbation is another story. She thinks its normal for young adults, quitting is not required at all(that's what she said last week). Yes we have been planning to do 'it' someday soon. Your reason to quit porn and have an actual physical relationship is quite good. Thanks, mate. As for fingers and tongue, that is all I have done to her till now. :\
     
  10. lyophobic sol

    lyophobic sol Fapstronaut

    come on dude. Cunnilingus what, over skype? should i lick the screen?
     
  11. lyophobic sol

    lyophobic sol Fapstronaut

    quit trolling dude.
     
  12. MetaGame

    MetaGame Fapstronaut

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    I dont know you. But depending on your reasons why you are doing nofap. Its okay to go without porn and to just have fun with your gf. (not encouragement to masturbate)

    Not saying don't do nofap or that even a full monk mode wont benefit u more than these temporary pleasures. Because the probability of these quick pleasures helping you in the long run is incomparable to how great nofap can impact your life and future opportunities with sexual parters. The problem with masturbation is that it re-opens certain gates that you need to be strong to keep closed when rebooting. NoFap isnt anti masturbation or anti fooling around with ur gf. It's about quitting porn and freeing yourself from compulsive sexual behaviors.

    If masturbation is compulsive for you which it kind of sounds like. You should really try not doing it on your own at all. You shouldnt masturbate at home , even to her pictures if you want some kind of growth. But a sexual exchange with her isn't bad in my opinion. Especially if you can control yourself before and after.

    You would lose some retention benefits but being intimate with a woman has its own benefits. To simplify I suggest 1. focus on a full proper reboot or 2. When you are with your gf (irl), you don't worry so much and enjoy yourself. This is just normal mode I believe. Unless you are death gripping and not letting her help u sexually. But yeah this is just my opinion and as far as I know.

    And yeah some hands, oral, maybe some lubricant. I wouldnt over think it. Ask your gf what she wants, she probably has enough to keep u busy ...
     
    lyophobic sol likes this.
  13. Not really trolling, if I was I wouldn't have come up with something theoretically legit. Get her a toy you can control remotely through a non pornographic interface. Use Skype to gauge her reaction. You don't have to masturbate.
     
  14. lyophobic sol

    lyophobic sol Fapstronaut

    Got your point. Makes sense. Porn is a strict no-go for me. So masturbating at home is out of picture. I don't keep her pictures though. So the only thing I do have to control is masturbating to my imagination. That is hard, i must say. I picture vividly. So control before and after, duly noted.
    Thanks a ton.
     
  15. lyophobic sol

    lyophobic sol Fapstronaut

    in that case (i.e you are not trolling), the implementation of your idea is not possible for other reasons. :/
     
  16. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    You have to be rebooting for you not for anyone else. Otherwise it won’t work. If she decides to dump you next week then will you just go back to PMO? If so then you really don’t want to quit and are unlikely to be successful. Your goal should be to reboot so you can have healthy relationships but never for another person.
     
  17. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    I don't see how you can have sex or get intimate on Skype. If she likes while you talk to her, fine. You can do that. Are you saying this girl will leave you if she can't watch you masturbating over Skype? I guess I'm old and uncool but it seems weird to me that there are 18 year olds who think this is normal in a relationship but sex isn't.
     
  18. lyophobic sol

    lyophobic sol Fapstronaut

    No, I must say she is not the whole reason for my PMO, a major part ofcourse though. I want to make myself a better person, want to get rid of the acne, oily face, breathlessness, excessive ear wax, and i have fear of erectile dysfunction. So even if she does dump me (unlikely), I have many more reasons to continue with my reboot.
    Thanks for ur concern and motivation.
     
    GG2002 likes this.

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