After abandoning PMO, how do you adapt the compulsion to masturbate caused by stress? How can this be adapted in the healthiest way within a marriage? My husband is past his reboot and we are carrying on in a marriage trying to rebuild trust and more intimacy than in the past when my husband regularly resorted to chatrooms and porn to compulsively escape via fantasy as a way to cope with stress. We did 90 days of no PMO. Things are going much better now, I am very relieved to report! However we are still adapting. Recently we had a moment during which he was very honest and vulnerable with me as he was in the same kind of emotional place that generally triggered his porn/chat room masturbation. I’m not sure the best way to respond to my husband when he wants sexual release purely for reducing stress rather than an interactive intimate situation. Like basically he’s trying not to isolate to masturbate at all now (since that snowballed in the past and left our marriage pretty barren.) I was impressed at him opening up about this. I was trying to be supportive and embracing him as he began masturbating (he even said he wasn’t sure he could get hard due to stress and communicated he just wanted to get off for the release.) When he asked what I wanted, I calmly responded that this was for him— it did not arouse me as it was more of a release for his own self interest and stress rather than desiring involvement with me, but that I was okay with him masturbating with me. He then had a pity party claiming that I think he’s all bad... yadayada... so he discontinued touching himself and we proceeded to argue a bit. Thankfully we recovered much quicker after the fact than we ever did with disputes before my discovery of his chatroom compulsion. And later that night we even had some good sex. The situation just leaves me wondering how to respond in situations where he basically just wants an orgasm as a coping mechanism for stress. He has a lot of anxiety so it’s definutely a concern. Not sure where the lines fall regarding what is healthy or regarding that kind of stimulus for sexual behavior. My ideal would be for sex to follow love and desire. I don’t want to codependently put his needs way above my own but I also don’t want to mirror too much selfishness. Any similar experiences or insights on the matter would be helpful! I realize this doesn’t deal directly with the porn issue now, but in the aftermath of over a decade of intimacy anorexia and PMO to escape reality... we definitely can use some help building a better sexual/intimate relationship on this new terrain. Thanks!