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How to know when a girl just isn't interested

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Zz_the_top, Jan 14, 2018.

  1. Zz_the_top

    Zz_the_top Fapstronaut

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    I had recently gotten the number of a girl I'm interested in and conversion has been stilted to say the least. Essentially at what point do I take the hint (i don't think she's interested in me)? Also while I'd like to start a relationship (As was my thinking when I asked her for her number) my main focus was to get to know her better as a friend and am perfectly ok with the dreaded "Friendzone" because I don't consider being her friend a problem. Can any body help me?
     
  2. So you already have her number and you've been texting back and forth? Usually, text chats can go stale if you haven't asked her on a date after a few days if that was your intention of getting her number in the first place.

    Getting to know someone is allot faster, more fun and intimate when you're face to face.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2018
    Hitto and sfmark12 like this.
  3. DoughnutSoda

    DoughnutSoda Fapstronaut

    ^This! Where I come from, it never hurts to ask a girl on a date. If you really have to do it over phone, call her, don't text her. Have an idea as to what you want to do before you ask her. Don't really expect anything on the first date when it comes to intimacy. That takes time and patience. The best thing I can say is to go for it. You learn by doing, not by imagining.
    Second, I'd recommend just getting straight to the point. You can learn to be friends while you go on dates. Over time that friendship will develop and it will go somewhere... or it won't. That's life. You just have to grab it by the reins sometimes and see where it takes you.
    And finally, no matter what happens, it has nothing to do with your character (unless you were being rude of course.) Just be confident, stand up for yourself and smile. I promise it can't go wrong if you do that:)
     
    Lazarus Shuttlesworth and Hitto like this.
  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I’m female and my advice is just ask her?
     
  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    So what do you want exactly? To date her or to be her friend?

    Be honest with what you really want. If it's to be her friend, then alright, but if it's to date her then don't try to cushion a possible rejection by saying "it's okay if we're just friends".

    When people hesitate to go for what they want, do what they want, or be honest about what they want, it's usually because they can't handle uncertainty or tension. They want a guaranteed outcome before they take any action. So they try all sorts of hidden backdoor ways of getting there (aka beating around the bush). Such as becoming her friend in order to buy time so that one day she'll change her mind about him.

    Friendzone is what happens when you behave in a way you think the other person will like you for while having hidden intentions. Friendzone is not being a friend and it's not dating them. It's a grey area where you avoid taking any real action or risks. A place to buy time and hold on to access while you gather up your courage or try to improve yourself until you feel ready to do what you should have done from the beginning. Which almost always never works because the other person usually feels tricked by the time you actually do anything about your real intentions.

    So what do you want? To date her or to be her friend?
     
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    So true, great points. I think you are reading exactly what is going on. He would prefer the ambiguity becasue at least then he can have some hope. And while it is true that sometimes friendships turn into relationships, that is rare, so he might as well know now, and just ask.
     
    Jennica, DoughnutSoda and elevate like this.
  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Holding on to someone that is unavailable or uninterested in you also cuts you off from all the other opportunities out there.

    When you resist how it really is with how it's supposed to be. When you get obsessed with a specific outcome rather than doing your best and accepting the outcome. That's when you halt the development and progress of your life.

    Follow your desires fully and allow others the freedom to choose. Don't waste time trying to convince others to be with you. They either want to or don't want to. A relationship takes work and I want the other person to be equally interested and invested in it as I am.
     
    tweeby and Lazarus Shuttlesworth like this.
  8. Martin.J

    Martin.J Fapstronaut

    Just ask her plainly.

    Being upfront about such things shows that you are serious and you have conviction. These are important traits to have as a person in a relationship, and will go far in life in general.

    Call her (don't text) and ask her out for an afternoon. Not just 'for coffee' as that does say, "let's be friends", but out for a day at the beach, or out for a walk through a national park, or out for dinner (doesn't have to be anything formal, but should be something better than McDonalds or their ilk).
    My favourite casual first date is fish and chips in a park by a lake. Works a charm.

    And as others have said, if at the end of the day she does just want to be friends and you are ok with that, take her out to the park for fish and chips anyway. She's your friend. She deserves it!
     
    DoughnutSoda likes this.
  9. There are, aside from straight up asking her, ways to get a good guess on whether or not a girl is into you. These are signs I look for when speaking to a girl I like:

    If she touches you often.

    If she tends to smile at you often.

    If she teases you often.

    If she attempts to engage you in conversation often.

    If she compliments you often.

    If she stares at you often. ( I don't fully rely on this, though )

    Through texting, if she texts you often with little emojis that symbolize affection.

    Those are what I use. I've been told that a girl making eye-contact with you can also be a sign, but I disagree with this, honestly.

    However, excluding all of the examples I mentioned, the best way to get an answer is to just straight up ask her out. You're never going to get anywhere further until you do.

    And don't ask her through text. That can be taken as a sign of cowardace. Invite her out and ask her in-person.
     
    DoughnutSoda likes this.
  10. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    This is my golden rule :

    "They help you when they like you"

    If a girl makes it hard for you to make you seduce her she probably isn't in to you. Big examples are if you ask her out and she says she isn't available that day but doesn't propose another day. A girl who likes you probably says something like i can't go out that day but i am available that day..You see they are helping you.

    Also if you are talking to them they start asking question to keep the conversation going because they like you. Again helping you.

    I once had a girl who texted me first BEFORE I TEXTED HER. I got her number and she got mine the next day I got a text from her that’s a obvious sign she likes me she is helping me to seduce her.

    If you are feeling that a woman isn’t flexible and its hard to seduce her she is probably not in to you.

    So my advise ask her out and see how she response.. As a man you need to take the lead and see if the woman fallows if she don't probably don't want you.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2018
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  11. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    are you sure? be honest about you'rself woman don't like that at all when a man speaks about his emotions the first few weeks they met it gives them a scary feeling. They also want to have a little bit of a chase we all do actually i've had girls who did that to me and its pretty big turn off.

    Do that if you are allready fallen for eachother but before that no sexual atraction is created by atraction and obstacles thats why woman love foreplay sex is coming but not yet..

    You need to built up sexual tension.. By asking someone out getting to know her but not like the movies tell them oh romeo i love you
     
  12. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    Stop worrying about whether she likes you. It's her job to decide that, and (if I know women) you worrying about whether she likes you or not is not attractive behaviour to her. So stop it.

    Instead, decide quickly whether you like her in the sense of wanting to date her. If you do, speak to her directly and ask her on the sort of date others have suggested here. Don't let it freak you out. You're not offering to marry her or suggesting sex with her. If you don't click then you can just say goodbye on good terms, and that's that.

    If you want to be her friend and not get a date, tell her so but you'd better mean it rather than be using it as a pathetic way of trying to get a pity date. If you don't want to be her friend either, get out of the way so other guys can ask her out, and find a girl you do want to ask out.
     
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  13. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Yes I’m sure and I am being honest I hate playing stupid games, I love a man who expresses his feelings and is upfront with me. If she’s playing games and seeking the chase she’s not for him. To be clear no one wants an overly needy partner man or woman but i don’t think that’s what’s going on here.
     
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  14. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I was watching a Netflix movie and it reminds me of your comments it’s callef “when we first met” and it’s about a guy who meets a girl and gets friend zoned, and she ends up marrying someone else 5 years later while still being his friend. He’s still in love with her so in true movie form he travels back in time to try to change the friend zoning. He does this several times and no matter what he does the girl still does not fall in love with him. The point of the movie is you have
    Little to no control over how she feels about you. Even when he transformed into exactly what she wanted she still did not love him she would never love him. So when I read all these comments from men about what can I do to get her to like me or what did I do wrong? The answer unless you are a complete jerk is nothing. We all like to think we have a hand in how these things work out but the reality is the control we all have is very small. And while thats tough for many to swallow at the same time it’s freeing. Just be yourself and whatever is going to happen will.
     
  15. Your reply is spot on though Ive had a slightly different situation in the past.
    Liked the person a lot, could see us being long time friends...would have been fun to date, but never saw that as a future with. Sometimes one just wants casual sex and dating. But hate the idea of hurting someone or one party getting to involved. I've concluded there's no good solution to that...just go with the dating and hope for the best when it ends or realize she'd never be ok with that and take the friendship...either way it's about making a choice (which some of us really hate)
     
  16. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    The reason why some people who are honest with their expressions scare others away is because they become obsessed with a person rather than seeing them for who they really are. They go straight to loving someone, but they barely know them. If someone began obsessing over you even though they barely knew you, you would be a little concerned and skeptical. Honest expression and going for what you want is the right method, but if you're scaring them away or turning them off there's probably a good reason for it.
     
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  17. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Great movie. The writers have a lot of knowledge and wisdom concerning all that. Each time the main character tried changing himself so that he can make the female lead love him he traded his self worth / desires / intentions / personality. Which is what a lot of people do to manipulate someone into a desired specific outcome. Also known as playing games / being creepy / hidden intentions / unable to handle rejection.
     
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  18. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly. And you can’t pretend to be someone you are not forever that’s no fun.
     

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