How to Know what is a Fetish?

Fetish is any concrete thing in man's/woman's body that triggers you sexually. Or something in the sexual act itself. Doesn't matter if both parthers have it or not, it's still fetish.

 

I think there might be healthy fetishes, let's say for example, I have a fetish for women's backs. When they wear a dress that reveals their back it turns me on. But there are harmful fetishes induced by porn that need a reboot, like the ultra kinky stuff a healthy mind wouldn't enjoy, those things you are embarrassed to reveal to a partner.

 

Every fetish, even slighly normal one, can be dangerous if you fap like mad on it. On the contrary- even something which is in a way strange and untraditional, can be mastered and doesn't generate you problems if you control it in healthy limits and proportions.

 

I think fetishes are unhealthy and we should strive to detach from them. I suppose it comes down to your moral beliefs. In my opinion, sex and sexual drive as a whole should be managed and controlled by us. When we feel that we are driven by it, we need to stop, reflect, and work towards having mastery over our desires.

Human beings are beautiful creatures with both higher and lower desires. Our higher desires are what we should focus on - our love for humanity, our desire to help others, our desire to progress, our desire to learn, to become more kind, etc. Our lower desires - desire for food, sex, survival, admiration, etc, are part of us, but they should never control us. When we forgo our higher nature to pursue solely our lower desires, that's when we become selfish, lustful, greedy, fearful, despairing, apathetic, etc. I also think a preoccupation with one can lead to a "sickness" of that kind - eg. Obsession with food, craving food and binging on it, obsession with sex, fixation on sexual desire gained from something, anxiety from feeding fear, depression from feeding despair.

Conversely, if you can strengthen your higher nature so that it controls your lower nature, you can enjoy the transcendent joys of inner peace, acquiring knowledge, love in your heart, joy of serving others, etc, as well as the managed and moderate pleasure lower desires met within healthy limitations; for example, a well cooked meal that is a moderate size, loving sex within a strong committed relationship or healthy marriage.

I think what's key is to assess our assumptions about human beings and purpose - should we just pursue every desire that occurs in us? Is our purpose to chase desires, no matter what they are? Or should we pursue lofty desires and deem some desires worthy of self control and wisdom?

 

Yes, they are. If you are atracted by some part/s of the woman's body and fantasize about it/them, that's fetish. Breast, ass, feet, etc, all these are fetishes. Even hair, ears and some other more uncommon.

 

To be atracted to woman as a whole is one thing, to be atracted to some part of woman's body is another one and something different. If you are atracted to women cause you like them and find them sexy and beautiful is not like to be atracted to women's breasts, feet, asses and other body parts.

 

Maybe it helps to compare a fetish to other things to understand what it is. Let me try.

Fetish - A strong link between a bodypart, an object or an activity and sexual arousal. The fetish itself is sometimes a deviation from normal, healthy sexuality. Many fetishists need to get their fetish fulfilled in order to get aroused.
(Peter is fixated on being tied up. He can't even have satisfying sex without being tied up)

Kink - Like a fetish, it is a bizarre sexual interest that deviates from normal sexuality, but a person who has a kink can have normal sex without the kink.
(Steve really likes his girlfriend to wear a nurse uniform, but he has satisfying sex with her even when she does not dress up as a nurse)

Sexual Preference - A prefered characteristic of potential sex partners or a certain action within the realms of normal sexuality.
(Jim likes all girls but especially blondes. Marcus' favorite position is missionary, but he likes other positions, too.)

Obsession - Can be of sexual nature but does not have to be. Something dominates or preoccupies the thoughts, feelings, or desires of a person.
(Cassy cannot stop thinking about men with long hair and hopes to get approached by a man with long hair everytime she leaves the house. Her room is full of pictures of men with long hair.)