How to find time when life gets too busy?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Staying Positive, Jul 24, 2019.

  1. Staying Positive

    Staying Positive Fapstronaut

    My husband is on day 12 of his reboot and we’ve been having a good week, and one of the things we’re been doing is consciously making time to just talk openly each evening. Discussing emotions, worries, addiction status, that kind of thing. We’ve also been doing relaxing bedtime routines; no screens, taking time getting ready for bed, reading through a book together, that kind of thing.

    But now we have a few days of madness (mostly playing dungeons and dragons with friends) which means today he has been at work since 8am, I then joined him after work at his office to play the tabletop game with his friends until 9:30pm, then went home, had a shower, brushed teeth and with barely a word into bed and lights off.

    And it’s going to be exactly the same tomorrow.

    I would really welcome advice as to what to do in these situations. There’s no way I can sleep now, he’s tired from work so he’s already asleep, and I don’t feel like we spoke more than two words to each other, which leaves me feeling a little sad.

    I know it will all get better in a few days, so “wait it out” is an option, but maybe I’m missing something obvious here.
     
  2. hope4healing

    hope4healing Fapstronaut

    I think you have to figure out where the priorities are for the relationship. If something has to give, should it be recovery and relationship healing? Or, should the other gaming activities be sacrificed for the sake of healing? It doesn't have to be forever, just while getting things back on track. After everything is more settled in the relationship, then resume the social gaming. Just a suggestion.
     
  3. Staying Positive

    Staying Positive Fapstronaut


    It would be nice to come first...but when does that become being selfish? I feel like telling him we need more time together might make him resent me. I always feel in this delicate balance of wanting to come first in his life, but also not holding him back.

    I don’t want him to not go to work in order to spend time with me, but I also don’t want him to submerse himself into the stressful work environment and then bring all that stress home in the evenings and end up ignoring me.

    It’s working out when I should come first and when I should be patient that’s really confusing me.
     
    hope4healing likes this.
  4. hope4healing

    hope4healing Fapstronaut

    I don't think it's selfish to want to be a priority in your partner's life, nor do I think it's selfish to want your marriage to come before other extracurricular activities. If telling him that you feel this way makes him resent you, I think that's all the more reason why it's important to get priorities straightened out.

    If he's on a good solid recovery path and your marriage is healthy, then I don't think you'd feel like you're holding him back just because you want to be a priority. His actions should let you know you come first because he should want that, too.

    I think there has to be a happy medium somewhere in here. No, of course he shouldn't not go to work just to spend time with you, but that doesn't mean the extreme opposite is the only other possibility either. While you're working through recovery and healing, why can't he just go to work his normal work hours, and try to be home with you after that to give you guys time to do your marriage healing routine? That's not asking too much. If he truly cares about recovery and your healing, this should be something he wants as much as you do, not something that's a big inconvenience to his other activities.
     
  5. Staying Positive

    Staying Positive Fapstronaut

    Thank you, it’s good to hear from an outside perspective. Even just reading you quote my previous post makes me realise how worried and paranoid I sound, when this is the one person in my life who should put me first!
     
    EyesWideOpen and hope4healing like this.

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