How to deal with urges regarding SO?

Have you tried talking to her openly about how you feel? I know it can feel awkward to talk about these things, but it's better to talk than to have either of you harbor any negative emotion toward each other, I think

 

Kumya, welcome to this great community! There is plenty of information already here about what you're facing. I suggest you to read it! As LowKeeKee said, try to talk to your wife about how you feel. You might be amazed about your conversation!

 

Now I'm just an SO but, it sounds like Your brain is trying to replace the P with the next closest thing. You said

She is not an object at all.
She is a person. She is your wife. You gotta abstain from those thoughts for a lil bit I think. You need to tell your brain to stop. You're in control not the addiction, not your trigger

 

Hello and welcome! Congrats on taking the first steps to regain control over your life and relationships!

Yes, this happens. At the beginning my brain was desperate for the P induced chemical rush so I started really ogling my wife and became a bit over the top with my physical contact with her. Take a second and realize that what you are experiencing is the same drive that pushed you towards PMO, but now its missing it's road map. It's easy to fall into the mentality that "Sex is normal" "I should want to be having sex all the time with my wife" "Why doesn't she want me?" etc. These are all rationalizations your addicted brain is making to convince you to orgasm.

Remember why you came here. Is it because you wanted a stronger, more intimate connection with your wife? If so, pursuing her without abandon is not the way to do it, and it will eventually lead to resentment on both sides. Is your desire to have sex with your SO driven by lust or love? If it's lust then by having sex with her, you are basically using her as your hand to M, which will reinforce your old negative patterns. By abstaining you will reign in this urge to some degree and realize that you don't actually have to O as often as you think. Definitely not as often as you have been in your past. This opens the door to the possibility of wanting your SO beyond just momentary pleasure, and will make the times you are intimate so much more connected.

If you feel overwhelmed try doing push ups; right then and there. It will help curb the urges and make you more fit physically, which most likely, will make your SO more attracted to you!

and smile; You Can Do It!

 

Excellent advice

 

try reading these threads they have information that may help you seee things differetnly

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/pa-do-you-ever-really-forget.138930/

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/the-feels-of-ogling-a-females-perspective.139872/

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/is-this-common.130125/

 

And remain they will for a period of time. Remember it took you a lifetime to build your old mental habits so removing and replacing them will not happen over night. Keep making progress. Every time you resist the temptation to drift into a sexual fantasy you become that much stronger. Keep yourself in the moment, even if it’s not enjoyable like vacuuming, sitting in a boring work meeting or eating dinner with your family. The present moment is the ONLY thing that we have control over in our lives and by staying grounded in it we can orchestrate how we respond to life’s stressors that would have sent us into a pleasure seeking, mental chase before.

This is a great moment for push ups because after you get back up, feel the soreness in your arms and your heart racing, it’s almost impossible to not be focused on your sensations and your body, which is present. And yes, it is awkward at first, but people get over it. I’m even now comfortable doing them in front of my boss and coworkers, though they don’t know the real reason why lol.