How to deal with being triggered?

Pray.

 

I personally think we all have a hard time being triggered ourselves.
The two (possible 3)questions you need to ask yourself are these

1) what is triggers to you?
--for instance, is it TV girls, women in real life? What do these have in common.

2) what is your reaction?
This will help you be able to react more positively and have a better chance at "brace and save"
Bracing yourself when you see a trigger or feel like you are having a bad day
And
Saving yourself (being your own rescue)
& getting yourself whatever you need... Chocolate or leaving the situation, ten deep breaths... Whatever works best for you.

And then
3) how is this related to his porn use?
Are you triggering realisticly to Your own porn situation?
Now
This is a hard question.
One, not easily answered.
Betrayal Trauma can leave this door Wide open also,
so it does not Always apply.
But
In the healing process, focusing your triggers from being so widespread to closer to home, more on your own situation and story, is considered a sign of healing
(so I've been told by more than one therapist)
Also, a note, if you don't know (he won't tell you) or don't want to know details(OK also) this can leave triggers wide open as well.

Finally.... If your feelings are scattered... The triggers do feel like they stay with us, so write them down, see them to try and help understand them so you can try to figure out what might help with your Brace and Save.
Include your SO. (if he won't disclose details, he should be extra supportive of this, IMHO)
If you have a trigger and you are together and may need something specific, he should want to help.

To note - - I personally, didn't have to make leaps and bounds to #3, the more disclosure we had, the more focused my personal triggers became.
I still have my own triggers.
It's extremely difficult.
Even as they get better... I think our healing takes a lot longer.

The after thoughts do take up some resonance.
They just do.
If you can prepare (not much cuz you never know when or where they will "strike") and feel like you take better care of yourself during the actual "triggers attack" they go away better.
And you feel better after too.

These are just some things I've learned along my journey, I hope they help.

 

I think just taking me time is important to healing

 

I had no clue how many triggers I had until I listed them in my journal. I kind of feel like I am just now starting to live with the panic they cause. I acknowledge the discomfort, sit with it a while and then I carry on. I have resigned myself to the fact that these feelings are here for the long haul, will slowly get better, but this shitstorm that infidelity has caused will never truly be cleared.

 

My SO is over a year PM free.
My trigger today?
Chicken strips.
No joke.

 

That's what I'm still doing here.
I know I'm probably disliked because we (me and SO) are often in a "different space" of reboot...
But about half the time?
I feel stuck.
Even if he feels awesome.
I really think our (SO's) healing is something of a beast that is a whole different reality bestowed on us.
Like on D-day we should get a card and a brand on our butts that says "welcome to hell"
Because it is... And finding the elevator back to earth is just the longest trek you never expected.
But I'm working on it... On myself too.
Everyday.
I do have hope tho.
That's why I named my journal that.
And I think you can.
It just takes time

 

Yes... I feel like on worse days or foggy days, even if I can't figure it out (like today I'll write) sometimes it becomes clear.. Like with the chicken... Other times it's for notes on his progress cuz even so far down, he's making lots of strides.
I've been on NoFap for a long time... But didn't talk or journal til after I was here for months!
So... In retrospect... I wish u would have started my journal sooner.
It's sort of scattered.
It's why I always "date" things and I think I'm timeline obsessed.
Cuz if I had started a journal sooner, it would just be there, you know?
I'm lucky my SO talks to me and is transparent now and if I ask I know he's honest.
Lots of SOs don't have that.
He also helps with the timeline and does his Lists and stuff.
So it makes it easier in my situation, so I should feel less scattered.
Not always tho.
I like to reread my own stuff.
I think having your own progress written is good healing.
You can go back and read it a year or 6 months later and catch what you missed and it's like you telling yourself.
.its very powerful healing tool.
I highly recommend it.